Existence (Existence Trilogy #1)(36)
Wyatt kissed her loudly on the lips and glanced back at Leif. “Come on, man, let’s go attack this fancy grub.” Leif turned to me as if asking for permission. I nodded. He reminded me of a loyal puppy dog. He bent down and gave me a quick peck on the lips before following Wyatt.
“Stop frowning like I’ve brought you to a smoke-filled bar. Come on, girl, and enjoy yourself.” I forced a smile, which only caused Miranda’s frown to deepen. “What happened with you, Pagan? You use to have difficulty not looking at Dank and getting a silly look of adoration on your face. Now, you see him and you look like you’re about to throw up. Did he hurt your feelings or something? Is that why you don’t want to be here?”
Did he hurt me? She could never know just how badly he’d hurt me. I shook my head and tried even harder to make my smile seem more realistic.
“Of course not. I just realized he was a jerk. Something about him is cold and I don’t like being near him.” I gazed out at the waves crashing along the shore. If she searched too deeply into my eyes, I was afraid she would see the agony.
“Hmmm, okay then. I guess you’re right about the cold thing. Something about him seems hard and so unreal.” She had no idea how unreal he was.
The breeze had started to cool off and the seating under the tent filled to capacity. I wanted to be anywhere other than right here with a perfect view of the stage Dank would soon perform on. The lights dimmed and the crowd went wild. Leif put his arm around my back and I leaned into him, hoping his nearness would help me make it through this.
With a drum roll and the sound of an electric guitar the lights flashed brightly as fireworks went off overhead. A group of three guys had taken the stage. One sat behind the drums with long blond dreadlocks and the other two stood on each side of the stage with guitars in their hands. The music filled the night air and screams went out from the beach. The shoreline was so covered in people you could no longer see the sand. A loud bang and a cloud of smoke caused me to jump. The cheering and chanting only got louder. Dank walked out of the smoke now seeping over the stage. I watched as his dark hair danced in the breeze and he reached the microphone waiting in the center of the stage.
He took it in his hands and then turned directly toward the tent. Directly toward me.
“You want what you can’t have. I see it in your eyes. The pain that fills your nights is because of my pack of lies. I’ve opened up the door for you to walk away. There’s a better path for you even though I want you to stay. I’ve broken the rules, I’ve veered from the path but when I met you I knew to save you was worth the wrath. Let me leave now before it’s too late. Let me leave now before you know what I am and your love becomes hate.
Walk away from me before I break down and take you with me. You can’t go where I’m going you can’t walk through my Hell. Walk away from me before I break down and take you with me. My path is meant for only me. There is no way to take you too. I’ve given you life when it was in my hands to give you death. Walk away from me.
I watch the life I know you will lead without me here. It’s what you deserve it is where you belong it is everything I want but everything I fear. Once I met you I knew I had to save you but you saved me. Now I’m turning away and letting you run free. Not one moment will I forget there is a fire inside me that you lit with your touch. Hurting you wasn’t the plan but it must happen by my hand.
Walk away from me before I break down and take you with me. You can’t go where I’m going you can’t walk through my Hell. Walk away from me before I break down and take you with me. My path is meant for only me. There is no way to take you too. I’ve given you life when it was in my hands to give you death. Walk away from me.”
My hands trembled in my lap. His gaze never left mine.
The words were meant for me. I couldn’t manage to breathe past the pain constricting my throat. Why was he doing this?
Hadn’t he hurt me enough? The tears stinging my eyes would fall free, rolling down my cheeks announcing to my friends how much Dank’s words affected me. They couldn’t know.
No one could. I stood up and walked away. I couldn’t sit there and listen anymore. In some sort of desperate trance I pushed past screaming fans and sweaty bodies. I could breathe if I could just get away; put some distance between me and his words. Once I stepped out of the tent, I turned and ran toward the darkness. Away from the fear. I wasn’t scared of him but I was scared of his words. He was leaving.
My stomach clenched at the thought and I ran harder until the sandy beach was dark and empty. The sound of the music played in the distance and I glanced back over my shoulder to see if Leif or Miranda had managed to follow me. No one was coming. I was truly alone. Gasping for breath I dropped to my knees and let out the sob I’d been fighting to hold in since he began singing. Hot tears trailed down my face. My chest hurt so badly, and deep breaths were impossible.
The night air dropped several degrees. It wasn’t my pain stifling my breathing, it was the coldness that came with her.
I turned around slowly, knowing she was there watching me.
I could feel her presence. She was icy fear. Yet the aching black hole Dank had left in my chest made the danger she possessed pale in comparison. I stood up and faced her, realizing my fear had been replaced with hate. She no longer scared me. She made me angry. Something about her appearance caused Dank distress and it made me want to hurt her for the part she was playing in my pain. I glared at her as the blond hair floated, unhindered by the gulf breeze.