Don't Hate the Player...Hate the Game(40)

“Give me a hug, Noah.”

I leaned over the bed and gathered up his withered form as best I could. I kissed his cheek weathered with age. “I love you, Granddaddy,” I murmured in his ear.

“I love you, too, Noah.”

He died the next morning. I cried for two days straight. But when I got to the funeral, I was as stoic as a soldier, even when Alex and my other cousins wailed and boohooed all around me. Of course, I’d been shadowed the whole time. Someone never left my side. We even slept side by side in my bed for the first time since grade school.

That person was Jake.

I questioned him why he would want to give up his Friday and Saturday nights to sit at home with me while we took care of Granddaddy. “Dude, that man,” he said, gesturing towards the living room where Granddaddy lay in his hospital bed, “has treated me like I was one of his family since I was five years old. Hell, sometimes he’s treated me better than my own father. I love him just as much as I do my PawPaw.”

His words had touched me. But it was his actions that were truly heroic. One night, Granddaddy started having seizures, and we had to stay up round the clock to give him medicine under his tongue. Mom and Grammy were worn out by 2:00am, so Jake and I stayed up. Every hour we got up from the couch we shared to give Granddaddy his medicine.

But now Jake was gone, and the pain was overwhelming. It tore through my chest and into my throat. A suffocating pain like a giant’s hands were squeezing and constricting my lungs. I was ten and under the surface of the water again, and this time there was no Jake to save me. I was going to drown sitting right there on the bench. I had to get out of there—I could no longer breathe or keep this inside me.

Without a word to anyone, I bolted up from my seat. “Noah?” Maddie asked before I scrambled over her. Even though I wanted to haul ass, I knew I would draw attention to myself if I ran out of the church, so I did my best speed walking down the aisle.

Bursting through the double doors, I sprinted off the steps and started weaving through the cars in the parking lot. At the edge of the property was an old brush arbor where the church had sometimes met. Old wooden benches were laid out under a wooden awning.

I collapsed onto one of them. I clamped my hand over my mouth to stop the sobs, but they wouldn’t be contained. They spilled through my fingers and filled the air around me. It was like a dam had collapsed in my mind, and thoughts and emotions coursed through me.

Suck it up! Be a man!

It was instant love…..I love you, Noah.

Don’t let the emotions out. Keep them buried.

Hey man, don’t make me duct tape you again. You know, I’m here for you no matter what. We’re best buds, remember?

No one wants to see the real you. Keep it hidden. They won’t love you if they see the real you.

Suddenly, someone gently touched my shoulder. I jerked away, but the hand found me again. “Noah, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” Maddie whispered into my ear.

Instead of the comfort I should have felt, mortification flooded through me so hard I shuddered. No. No. No! She hadn’t seen me like this. This was a f**king nightmare. As much as I hated admitting it to myself, I’d felt a flicker of something for her—something I didn’t know what the hell was, and I hoped she was feeling something too. But how could she now after seeing me a blubbering pansy?

Finally, I dared myself to look up at her. Tears streamed down her cheeks. There was such acceptance and understanding of me along with my pain in her eyes that I didn’t want to run away. Instead, I reach out to grab her hips, pulling her to me. Without hesitation, I buried my head in her waist. She cradled my head in her arms, running her fingers through hair.

I didn’t run away from my emotions. I let them envelop me. I wept openly and without shame, and for the first time in a long time, I felt safe.

When I finally finished, I wiped my eyes on the back of my hand. Maddie eased down beside me on the bench. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about spazzing out like that.”

“Oh Noah, you don’t have to apologize. You’ve just lost your best friend. It’s totally understandable,” Maddie argued.

“It’s not just about Jake…”

Her dark brows rose in surprise. “Oh?”

I nodded. “My grandfather was the only dad I’ve ever known. He passed away two years ago. That was his favorite song you guys were singing,” I explained.

Reaching over, Maddie took her hand in mine. “I’m so sorry.”

“Thank,” I murmured. Feeling revived, I squeezed her hand. The smile she gave me warmed my heart. We sat in silence for a few minutes before Maddie hopped up. When I glanced up at her, she grinned wickedly at me. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

My eyebrows jerked up in surprise. “What?”

“You heard me.”

“Yeah, but what about your parents?”

She shrugged. “They’ll understand.”

With a force that surprised me, she grabbed me by the hand and dragged me off the bench. I led her over to my Jeep, and within a few seconds, we were pealing out of the church parking lot like runaway sinners. “So what exactly did you have in mind for our mad escape?” I asked.

Maddie cut her eyes over at me. “I wanted to do something that would get your mind off things. So what’s something you usually do when you’re upset?”