Death Wish (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #5)(86)

I spent a restless half hour at my new laptop fighting with the locked files. I made a few backup copies, which I stored online before copying them to a flash drive. I also emailed a copy to Brogan who had promised to take a look at them. Handing the files over to the FPA may come back to bite me in the ass, so I had to find out what was on them, preferably before they did.

I didn’t have the patience to stare at the computer screen. The closer sunrise drew, the more uneasy I became. Arys was more than capable of taking care of himself, but I was still worried.

To stop myself from pacing an indent in the carpet, I occupied myself with a shower. I stood beneath the hot spray for a long time. It was so hard to relax lately. I was wound tight and fearful of when I would break.

The sound of my phone had me rushing to turn the water off and grab a towel without slipping. With my hair dripping, I clutched the towel to my chest and reached my phone seconds before it went to voicemail.

“I can’t stop thinking about you.” The sound of Shaz’s voice coaxed a sigh from me. “Has Arys shown up?”

“Not yet.” Securing my towel in place above my br**sts, I returned to the living room and peered out the window. “That place did something bad to him. I’ve never seen him like that.”

“Is he going to be dangerous when he turns up? Should I come over?” The hopefulness in his tone was crushing.

I understood his desperation to make things right with us. If only it were that simple.

“It’s alright. I can handle him. Stay home and get some rest. I think we both need it.”

I could sense his disappointment on the other end. I was disappointed, too. I kept waiting for a chance to mourn the destruction of the good thing we had once shared. Already, our relationship was in shambles, and we were left to pick up the pieces. Still, I felt we could salvage something eventually.

“Thank you, Shaz, for being with me tonight. You were there when Arys failed me. When I would have failed myself.”

There was silence on the line as he gathered himself. When he spoke, it was thick with emotion. “It confirmed what you both said about me. The role I play. I’m starting to understand how we all fit together.”

“I’m glad. I’m still trying to do that myself.” The towel began to slip as I made my way down the hall to get dressed. I almost fumbled my phone when I grabbed for it.

“I don’t want to leave you. I feel like I have to.” The misery in his words was gut-wrenching. “Tell me not to go, Lex.”

I sat heavily on the edge of Arys’s bed, a hand over my mouth as I bit back the anguished cry that threatened to break from me. One deep breath, then another. What I wanted and what I felt had to happen were two different things. I owed him honesty. I owed it to both of us.

“I wish I could, babe, but I think you should.” I couldn’t believe I was saying this. “It will be good for you to get away for a while. To do what you have to do. I want you to be happy, and to do that, you need to make peace with yourself.”

Abandoning the wet towel, I slipped into a pair of pink cotton panties and pulled my robe on. The menial task did nothing to take my focus off the somber man on the phone.

Shaz swore softly. “I feel like I’m abandoning you. Like I’m running away from the things I’ve done.”

“If you were running away, you wouldn’t have stuck around long enough to tell me. You’re a good man, Shaz. You just made a few mistakes, and they pale in comparison to mine. If getting out of Dodge is what you need right now, then you should do that.”

Did I want him to leave town? Hell no. But, this wasn’t about me.

“You know, Lex, I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t head over heels in love with you.” He laughed softly, and the sound of it warmed me. “I was a smitten kid happy just to be your friend. I never thought I’d be yours.”

I had many fond memories of my friendship with Shaz over the years. It had always meant so much to me. “You weren’t much of a kid. You were eighteen when we met. Only three years younger than me. So wise beyond your years.”

“What we had then, that friendship, I don’t want to lose that.” He stifled a yawn. It made me yawn in turn.

“We won’t. I promise.” Returning to the living room, I peered out the window at the sky. The stars had disappeared from sight. “Get some sleep. You sound tired. We’ll talk later.”

“Don’t do anything crazy without me. I love you.”

“And, I love you, wolf boy. Sweet dreams.”

After ending the call with Shaz, I stood there staring at my phone longingly. I would never forget the things we’d done recently to hurt one another, but I could forgive. And, I would move forward.

Try as I might to remain calm, each minute that brought sunrise closer increased my worry. Arys should be back by now. I padded into the kitchen and rummaged through the pantry until I found the chocolate bar I’d stashed for a stressful moment. Maybe the taste and sensation of chocolate and caramel melting on my tongue wouldn’t change anything, but it was a special joy all its own.

A cold wave crashed through me seconds before I heard a sound at the front door. Relief quickly followed. My dark vampire was home.

Abandoning the chocolate on the counter, I moved quietly toward the front porch. I hung back just inside the kitchen, waiting with building trepidation. The last time I saw Arys, he wasn’t functioning at full sanity. I let my power flow forth to fill my hands with the crackle of raw energy.