Death Wish (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #5)(50)

Feeling my gaze upon him, Kale turned in time to catch me staring. Shit. With a stony expression, he grabbed the redhead’s hand and led her through the club to the back hall. They disappeared beyond, and I burned with misplaced envy.

A few scorching shots of liquor hit me with a pleasant buzz. With the heat of the booze warming my insides, I embraced the false comfort it offered. Maybe it had been a mistake to come after Kale.

I was about to leave when he returned. He stormed up to me with anger burning in his brown and blue eyes. I greeted him with a raised bottle and a cynical grin.

“That didn’t take long. Don’t tell me you killed her. I don’t even want to know.”

He glared at me with darkness in his gaze. “You walk in here like my favorite blonde nightmare and expect me to even be able to think about someone else? What are you doing here, Alexa?”

The power sparked between us, lively and hot. I felt Kale’s anger burning through me, and it brought a naughty smile to my lips.

“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m having a drink.” I followed that with another swig of golden liquor. “If you’re expecting me to apologize for saving your ass, then I’m afraid you’ll be disappointed.”

I fixed him with a steady stare, daring him to let me have it. This had been building for weeks now, since our night together. What happened tonight had pushed it too far, and now came the inevitable backlash. I was ready for it.

“You didn’t save my ass,” Kale fumed, his tone low and deadly. “You made an arrogant decision based on Shya stroking your ego. He’s trying to appoint you as some kind of vampire queen, and you’re letting it happen. You’ve gotten too power-crazed for your own good.”

“That’s bullshit.” I was stunned by his allegation. “I couldn’t stand there and watch him tear your head off, Kale. He put the choice in my hands, and I chose not to watch you die.”

“Selfish.” He spat the word in my face. Wild emotion fed his energy until it reached out to me with a stinging slap. “You don’t want me, yet you think you have a right to decide my fate. It doesn’t work that way.”

His rejuvenated power smacked me, and I gasped. The surface sting gave way to a low burn that tickled its way down my spine.

“Is that what you want this to be about? Us?” I forged ahead with my defense. “It wasn’t about us. It was about not letting Shya hurt you.”

Kale leaned in close, his face inches from mine. “It was about us. I saw it in your eyes, that fear for me. A fear that only stems from love. And, love is nothing if not selfish.”

“I did what I had to. I saved your life. I won’t be sorry for that.” My temper was starting to flare. His accusations were hitting some nerves that made me uncomfortable.

“I would rather have died.”

At his confession, I went cold inside. My gut reaction was to shield tight, to block him from sensing how much his words had hurt me. Keeping it from showing in my eyes wouldn’t be so easy. The best way to hide my pain was to allow it to become anger. The whiskey coursing through my veins helped.

Through clenched teeth, I snarled, “I’m sorry you’d rather be dead than have me show affection for you. If you need to hate me to make this easier on yourself, fine. But, I will not feel bad because you’re not dead right now. You have no right to expect that of me.” I pinned him with a reproving stare. “If you’d been the one to decide my fate, would you have let me die?”

For a moment I was afraid he’d say yes. I saw the hard set to his jaw and the ice in his eyes. With an exasperated, “Fuck,” he shook his head, and his gaze dropped. “You know I wouldn’t.”

“Then don’t you ever again ask me to watch you die.” My voice trembled.

Silence fell between us. Kale slid onto the barstool next to me. As close as we sat to one another, we were worlds apart. I knew then with sobering certainty that we were forever changed, irreparably damaged.

“I can’t live with the fact that you owe Shya in my place. It isn’t right.” Kale didn’t look at me when he spoke. “Your other half must be waiting. So, why are you here drowning your liver in whiskey?”

“Because the alternative is messy.” I picked at the label on the bottle I held as that truth fell from my lips. Booze was a poor substitute for blood.

Sitting beside Kale with his honey-drenched energy, I couldn’t help but think about the night we’d killed Abigail. That night was coming after us now, with a vengeance. The memory steered my thoughts down that forbidden path to the night we made love in the rain. I was reminded of the deep satisfaction that could be found in the pleasures of body and blood. I blushed and turned away so he wouldn’t see.

Awkwardness settled in to steal my words. There was a good chance I’d say something we’d both regret, so I bit my tongue and sipped my whiskey.

“I’m sorry about what happened with Shya.” Kale broke the silence between us, with a gesture toward the dragon on my wrist. “It’s not right that he marked you because of what I did.”

I shrugged and held him with a watchful stare. “It’s not right that you pulled a stunt that got us into a situation like that.”

He stiffened, giving away so much in that small motion. I was sure, if I dropped my shields and let his warm energy wash over me, it would be flavored with pain and rage. The emotions lurked there in his eyes. Kale felt betrayed because I’d refused to give him the easy out that he sought.