Darker (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #6)(58)

“Please understand,” I whispered. “I need to discover who I am apart from you. For the sake of my sanity, just give me some time.”

“I knew this day would come. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew.” Arys held me close, burying his face in my hair. “I’m sorry about your wolf. I’m sorry I drove you to this.”

I shook my head as the blood-red tears spilled down my cheeks. My words were an emotional jumble. “This isn’t your fault, Arys. We just don’t know how to exist together.”

“I don’t know how to exist without you. I waited so long to find you.” His voice grew thick with emotion. “I can’t lose you now.”

A fresh surge of tears shook me. “You’re not losing me. Just letting go. For a while.”

We stood there for what had to be a long time but didn’t feel long enough. I was still wrestling the urge to take it all back when he kissed me one last time and walked away.

I watched him go, fading into the night to become someone’s worst nightmare. I collapsed to my knees on the pavement and cried. It felt impulsive, but this had been building for months now. Despite our love, we had no qualms about turning on one another when the situation allowed it. We had to do this, to save ourselves. We had to.

As much as I told myself it was better this way, my heart wouldn’t believe it. I gasped for breath in between sobs as I became utterly and completely broken.

Chapter Fifteen

“You did what you think is best. What matters is that you can live with it.”

Jez popped the cork on a bottle of champagne and toasted to the coming dawn. We sat in an old graveyard twenty miles outside the city. The earth was, for the most part, undisturbed. Except for Zoey, nobody had been buried here for a long time.

Justin’s directions had led us down a long country road I’d never traveled before. A few hours before sunrise, we pulled into the overgrown cemetery. We found the spot where the ground had recently been dug up. Only a small bouquet of flowers indicated the place where Zoey now rested.

We both cried, each of us grieving a personal pain that no words could express. Then we sat against two headstones, facing one another, and talked.

“I didn’t want to do it, Jez. I just knew I had to. I think I f**ked up.” I shook my head when she offered me the bottle. The only way I’d escape this pain was to finally accept Arys’s darkness, but I wasn’t going to give in until I couldn’t take the resistance anymore.

“No, Lex, you’re dealing with a lot. Needing some time to yourself is normal, healthy. Shaz is doing it, too. It’s a good thing. When you come back together, you’ll be strong enough to handle it.”

“What if this is it? What if it’s too late to come back from this?” I rolled my head back against the cold stone and stared up at the twinkling stars.

Jez sipped champagne and followed my gaze. “No time for what ifs. Don’t force yourself to live in a moment that doesn’t exist yet. Just getting through this moment, right now, that’s hard enough.”

“You’re amazing, you know that?” I was awestruck by Jez. She had lost more than I had. She sat near her lover’s grave and spoke encouraging words to me. It should have been the other way around.

“Well, yeah.” She playfully rolled her eyes and grinned. The smile lacked genuine warmth though.

“Are you ready to do this? Feel free to change your mind. I wouldn’t blame you.” I raised a brow expectantly.

“Not a chance.”

“Ready?”

Jez nodded. “Yeah. Can I just have a minute alone here?”

“No problem.”

I pushed to my feet and walked through the long overgrown trail back to the road where I’d left the Charger. The power roiling about inside me caused my hair to float lightly, much like the effects of static. It wasn’t as erratic as it had been a few hours earlier, though it was still testing the boundaries of my control.

I paused halfway to the car. If I could gain even a little control, I could use Falon’s power when Jez and I stormed Lilah’s house. I wasn’t planning on a showdown; I wanted to talk to the bitch. If she knew that I possessed Veryl’s info on her, she might be forced to back down. Of course, I had to be ready for anything.

Taking a deep breath, I released it slowly and focused on a dead tree stump. I willed it to ignite, but not so much as a spark appeared.

That was odd. I expected at least a flicker of a flame. I tried again, projecting my intent through thought as I would with my own power. I just didn’t have that kind of ability with the borrowed force. Again, I tried to no avail.

“Fuck,” I swore in sudden frustration and stomped my foot.

Immediately, the stump burst into flames. It climbed high into the sky, blindingly bright, then died down and went out. That was interesting. In The Wicked Kiss, the fire had seemed erratic. I couldn’t be sure, but Falon’s power seemed to react to my emotions. I’d have to test that further.

By the time Jez joined me at the car, I’d managed to ignite some brush on the side of the road and even float the Charger several feet off the ground. As good as my telekinetic ability to manipulate energy was, it wasn’t quite that good. The car was easily more than four thousand pounds. Being able to toss around something that big would certainly have its perks.