Darker (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #6)(57)

“Let me go,” I snarled, shoving him away.

As I got further away from the nightclub, the voices in my head disappeared. Though I was lightheaded, the dizziness faded. I walked to the far end of the parking lot, near the rear door and the back of the building. When I could no longer hear a single thought but my own, I reached down and placed both hands on the ground.

I tried to push the excess energy into the earth, to ground myself and refocus the power in my core. However, the earth refused to accept my offering. The fallen angel’s power was rejected, pushed back to me like an unwanted gift.

“Why, goddammit?” I shouted to no one in particular.

Arys stood behind me, waiting. I rose and turned to pin him with a fiery glare. With hands clenched at my sides, I reminded myself that I wanted to give him a verbal beating, not set him on fire.

“How could you do that to Kale?” My voice wavered as I struggled to speak calmly.

“Alexa, open your eyes, and see that son of a bitch for what he really is,” Arys shouted. “What you should be asking is how he could do that to you. He’s a killer. You’re blind to it. I don’t understand how you can still see him as anything else.”

I was deep in denial, and I knew it. I sure as hell wasn’t going to admit it though. Chewing my lip anxiously, I studied Arys. His hands were balled into fists, and he looked ready to tear someone limb from limb.

“I don’t need you to tell me how unhealthy my attachment to Kale is,” I said. “Don’t think I don’t know that.”

“He violated you. What kind of man would I be if I didn’t do something about that?” Arys held his hands up in a gesture of helplessness.

I shoved a lock of hair back from my face. The power dancing in my fingertips prickled along my scalp, and I shuddered. I shook my head sadly. “You’ve done enough. I won’t let you kill him.”

“You think you can stop me?”

There it was, the challenge. One of us was always bound to issue it with little regard for the consequences.

“I think I’ll damn well try. Let it go, Arys.”

“Have you lost your mind?” He raged, raising his hands to the sky. Thunder boomed overhead, and the ground rumbled beneath our feet. “You attacked me in there. With power you can’t control. You’re the one out of line here, Alexa.”

“So killing him will make everything ok? I’ve seen enough people around me die lately. Why must you contribute to it? Will it really make you feel that much better?”

“It might.”

We stared at one another, the power of our anger spilling hot energy into the atmosphere. There was no right and wrong here. We were both entitled to what we felt, and no matter how I wished we could reach an understanding, I knew it would never happen.

It wasn’t just Kale. It was everything: our differences over Shya, my safety and my inevitable fate as a vampire. Arys and I had never seen eye to eye. According to twin flame lore, we never would. I suddenly felt deflated, hopeless. I heard myself say something that I never thought would pass my lips.

“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”

“What?” Arys’s gaze grew shadowed as he hid what was going on inside him. “What are you saying?”

“I don’t know.” A surge of emotion choked off my reply. What the hell was I doing? “I can’t handle the constant conflict anymore. It will keep getting worse; it does every time. At what point does it destroy us?”

“Don’t talk like that,” he admonished with a scowl. “It’s not like we can escape each other.”

I forced myself to look at him, really look at him. He was a reflection of me in so many ways. Where those similarities ended, a great divide began. I loved him with a desperation that could only lead to pain. What we were, it wasn’t natural. I didn’t want him to suffer any more than necessary. We’d already suffered so much torment.

“No, maybe we can’t. That doesn’t mean we have to be together.”

I hated myself when his guard fell and pain flashed through his blue eyes. I kept telling myself this was for the best. It would save our sanity and maybe even our lives.

“I can’t believe you’re saying this. We share power, a purpose. You can’t turn your back on that.”

“I’m not. I just think we need some time apart. I need some time.” A sob caught in my throat. God, I was really doing this. “My pack kicked me out tonight, and it doesn’t even matter because I’m going to lose my wolf. With Shaz gone, it’s so much harder to resist your darkness. It grows in me, Arys. Every night it grows.”

He crossed the distance I’d put between us and grabbed my arms. He shook me in frustration, forcing me to look up into his eyes. “That will never stop. We need each other, Alexa. How can you think otherwise? I love you.”

“I know that. And, I love you.” I blinked back the blood tears that blurred my vision. “That’s why this has to be the last fight. It’s best for both of us.”

“No. I’m not going along with this.” His grip tightened painfully. He kissed me, a hard, bruising kiss that screamed of his refusal. It left me quaking.

I kissed him back with a red-hot passion I felt to the tips of my toes. My heart was calling me every name in the book, but my head knew I was doing the right thing. For the last year, so much of who I was revolved around Arys. I accepted that we were created to be together, but I needed to find myself first.