Colters' Gift (Colters' Legacy #5)(36)

Liam sat on the bed and scooted until he was opposite Noah. His hand shook when he lifted it to Lauren’s dark head. He rested it on the back of her head and let it glide down to her nape.

“Lauren?” Noah prompted again. “Will you please look at me?”

Gradually, she lifted her head from her knees. Liam smoothed her hair back with both hands. He pulled it away from her face and made gentle, repetitive motions as if he were forming a ponytail, but Noah knew he was soothing her much like he would a wounded animal.

When she lifted her gaze to meet his, her eyes were dull with embarrassment and the remnants of fear. It made his chest ache.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered hoarsely. “I just panicked. I couldn’t make it go away. I’m so sorry.”

Noah swallowed back the rage that threatened to explode out of him. Now wasn’t the time. He had to handle this just right or he’d never get her back. She’d never trust him. He couldn’t afford to f**k this up.

“Will you let me hold you?” he asked softly.

She hesitated a moment—the longest moment of Noah’s life—before she finally made a move toward him.

It was shaky and hesitant, but with Liam’s help, she uncurled herself and then got to her knees. But she didn’t launch herself into Noah’s arms. She simply knelt there, glancing anxiously at him.

“Come here, sweetheart,” he said, pulling her into his arms.

He gathered her naked body against his and wrapped as much of himself around her as he could get. He held her tightly against his heart, rocking back and forth as he kissed every inch of her face.

“You will not apologize to me for this,” he said fiercely. “It’s my goddamn fault and it’s me who needs to be on my knees in front of you begging you to forgive me and give me another chance. I’m so sorry, Lauren. I wouldn’t frighten you for the world. I’d do anything at all for you to never be afraid again.”

He kissed the top of her head, her hair. He couldn’t get enough of her. He wanted to absorb her right into his soul.

“Please look at me. Say something. Just as long as it’s not an apology.”

She lifted her head again and stared back at him, tears swimming in her eyes. His stomach plummeted. It felt like someone kicked him right in the balls. He certainly deserved it.

“Lauren, I’m sorry. Me. I ruined what was the most beautiful moment I’ve ever experienced. I ruined it for you. I ruined it for Liam. And I damn sure ruined it for me.”

“I was the one who let him back in,” she said painfully. “I was so determined to keep him out, to keep the past in the past and not let it intrude on tonight. I knew you wouldn’t hurt me, Noah. Please believe that. I never once thought that you would do anything I didn’t want. But even knowing that, panic took over and I couldn’t control what I did. My heart screamed that you would never hurt me and my mind just took over and shut me down.”

Noah positioned her so that she straddled his lap and he could look her in the eyes. He cupped her face, stroking her soft, sweet skin as he searched for just the right thing to say.

Fuck it all, but he didn’t know what to say. He could only be honest. He screwed up.

“Honey, you can not blame yourself for this. I did a stupid thing. It would be one thing if I hadn’t known what happened, but you told us. I just didn’t think. I wanted you so badly and I wanted to touch every inch of you. I wanted my hands and mouth on you and I wanted my dick inside you. And maybe in the back of my mind I thought I could replace those bad memories with good ones, that I could show you how it could be with someone who cares about you. It was arrogant and stupid of me. I was too caught up in the moment and I didn’t stop to think how it was affecting you. I’m sorry. I should have made damn sure you were with me every second of the way.”

She swallowed and her gaze went all shiny and wet again.

“I wanted all of that too.”

“I know you did,” he said gently. “I f**ked up. Not you.”

She leaned until her forehead met his. Her mouth was tantalizingly close, but he reined himself in, refusing to make a single move until she issued the invitation.

Then she wrapped her arms loosely around his neck. He put his own around her waist, resisting the urge to haul her up against him until neither of them could breathe.

“Guess we have a lot to learn about this threesome thing,” she breathed.

He smiled. “Yeah, honey, I guess we do. But you know what? We’ll figure it out. Together.”

She turned then, her gaze seeking Liam out. He was perched on the edge of the bed, his gaze intently focused on what was going on between Noah and Lauren.

She extended her hand to him and he readily took it.

Then she glanced back to Noah. “Are you both sure this is what you want? Me? Us? Together?”

“Damn straight,” Liam growled before Noah could respond.

Noah took more time, gauging the expression on Lauren’s face. He searched for reluctance or regret. Second thoughts. Anything to hint that she was looking for a way out.

He touched her cheek, rubbing his knuckle down to her jaw.

“I think the more important question is whether you’re sure this is what you want.”

She nodded solemnly. “It is. I am. Just be patient with me. I can’t promise not to freak out again. I don’t want to. I don’t want to give that bastard any power over me, but it doesn’t appear that I have a choice.”