Ceaseless (Existence Trilogy #3)(48)

“M’kay. That sounds nice.”

Dank kissed a spot on my neck while his hand reached down and ran up the leg that I’d almost wrapped around his waist. “Miranda is going to be out soon. I need to go. Don’t start something we can’t finish.”

I giggled and lowered my leg. “Okay fine.”

“I love you, Pagan,” he said against my lips before he was gone.

Chapter Twenty-Two

Pagan

I waited outside the coffee shop at an umbrella table for Jay to arrive. I figured if I laid it all out there and gave him an out with me then that would be settled. The Deity had screwed up with this soul mate match. If Jay didn’t want me and I didn’t want Jay then there was no problem.

Dank was somewhere across the street watching me. He agreed that this just might work. Especially, if Jay was doing another girl. But Dank wanted to be close by and honestly I felt like I’d just got him back after a very long separation. I didn’t want him to go anywhere.

“Hey, Pagan. You already ordered. I’d have gotten your coffee,” Jay said as he pulled out the chair across from me.

“I was in need of caffeine,” I replied.

“I missed you at the frat house last night. It isn’t any fun when you don’t come with me.”

I sat my cup down and looked him dead in the eyes. “Jay. I know that you have plenty of fun when I’m not there. I also know that you have all this fun while in bed or wherever you so choose to do it with Victoria. It’s okay. I’m not mad. I just want us to lay it all out here and come to some form of closure.”

Jay sat there with a stunned look on his face. Did the guy really not think I’d find out?

“I don’t want closure. I want you. Yeah, so I might have messed around with Victoria some but that is because you won’t ever come to anything ATO has. I’m the only guy there without a date. Victoria is all over me. After a few drinks it’s hard to turn down.”

I’m sure somewhere in all that he had a point. “Our wants and needs are very different. You need things I can’t give you or that I don’t want to give you. It’s perfectly okay that you need them. Getting them from Victoria is fine with me. But I just don’t want to pretend like we have a relationship when you are having sex with someone else. We don’t have a relationship. If someone else asks me out and I want to go, I will go.”

Jay frowned, “Who asked you out?”

“That is beside the point. What this is about is the fact you have some sort of feelings for Victoria because I find it hard to believe you can just have sex with her over and over and feel nothing for her.”

Jay put both his elbows on the table and buried his head in his hands. “I don’t know what is wrong with me. I do want you Pagan. I do. But she throws herself at me and I can’t seem to turn her down.”

Poor guy; he was clueless.

I reached over and patted his hand, “It’s okay. You want her; she wants you. It all is okay. Just enjoy being free to be together. No reason to hide it from me.”

Jay lifted his head and looked at me. “You’ve never been normal. Most girls would be pouring coffee over my head and screaming at me. You just pat my hand and tell me my sexual activity is okay. To go enjoy.”

I laughed and stood up. “You were the one who wanted to pursue something between the two of us. Not me. I was never in this for anything resembling love. If I had been then yes, I’d be devastated. But I just like you as a friend, Jay. I want you to be happy.”

Jay leaned back in his chair. “This means I don’t get another chance, doesn’t it?”

Was he kidding me? I shook my head, “Nope, I’d say you’re all out of chances. That ship has sailed.”

“Can we still be friends?”

I glanced across the street and saw Dank leaning against a tree. His arms were crossed over his chest and he watched us closely. I knew he heard every word. “We can be friends from afar. No hanging out, just waving at each other in passing.”

“I’ll never forgive myself for losing you,” Jay said.

“I’m thinking that you’ll get over it. There is someone out there for you. Someone who won’t bore you and who loves the same things you do.”

He shook his head, “It sure isn’t Victoria.”

I kind of disagreed with him but I didn’t say anything.

“Goodbye, Jay,” I said for the last time, then turned and headed across the street. Dank was waiting for me on the other side. His smile made everything perfect. Knowing he was there and would always be there made everything okay.

I stepped out into the street with my eyes on him. The blaring horn and Dank’s terror-filled eyes were the only warning I had.

“No Pagan. Don’t you dare come out of there. You stay in there. Don’t you leave your body.”

I stared up at Dank, who looked frantic. His eyes were filled with unshed tears.

“Why are you so upset?”

“NO! I said not to leave your body. Pagan get back in there,” Dank begged.

“She left it because she had to Dankmar. Get a grip and think this through. You’re Death, chill the f**k down.” Gee’s voice surprised me. It had an angelic ring to it that I’d never heard before. It was almost funny to hear her curse.