Broken and Screwed (BS #1)(25)

He straightened abruptly. The door closed and he glared at me.

I gulped.

He clipped out, “What the hell were you doing there?”

I shrugged. “I heard you were with Benson and Mazel. I came over here because I didn’t want you around them. I got the address from somewhere and went over there.”

“You got the address?” The nerve in his jaw bulged out. “Where’d you get the address from?”

My eyes slid to the side and I saw his housekeeper in the hallway. She was pale and she clutched her hands together in front of her. I saw the fear in her eyes as she slowly shook her head.

“Marissa.”

He let loose a string of curses and roughly opened the refrigerator again. This time bread, tomatoes, cheese, peppers, and more were thrown on the counter behind him. He slammed the door shut and pulled out a large cutting knife instead.

I sat up straighter and my eyes widened. “What are you doing with that?”

“I’m making a f**king sandwich. Are you okay with that?” He held the knife in the air, waiting for my approval.

I jerked my head in a nod and watched as he cut up the food for his sandwich with a quickness and precision that I’d only witnessed from him on the basketball court. The sight of it made me uneasy, but I held firm. I couldn’t let him know that I was uncomfortable. He’d only started to open up. I couldn’t risk another closed wall to me. So I sat there and held my breath as he sliced and diced through cheese, peppers, tomatoes, onions, and meat for his sandwich. After he applied some mayonnaise and mustard, I caught my breath again.

That was Ethan’s favorite.

I wasn’t surprised when Jesse shoved the sandwich in front of me. “Eat!”

I couldn’t breathe, but my finger inched the plate away. Then I looked down. “That was Ethan’s favorite.”

He sucked in his breath and froze.

I’d never seen that look on his face. My hand started to reach for him, but he jerked forward. His arm swept the plate aside and he caught it with his hand before he hurled it at the sink behind him. The entire action was violent, and I fell backwards from my stool in shock.

His shoulders heaved up and down. His breathing grew haggard.

I felt the tears on my cheek. I tasted them in my mouth, but I didn’t make a sound. Not one sound.

My heart pounded in my chest. It wanted to come out. Each time, it thumped harder and rougher. I pressed my hands to it and tried to calm it, but then Jesse turned back around.

His eyes were dead again.

My chest deflated. He was back.

He had no emotion and his voice was soft. “Do you need a ride home?”

I jerked my head from side to side.

He frowned. “You drove to Benson’s, didn’t you?”

It was jerked in a nod this time.

Then he sighed. His shoulders dropped dramatically. “I should give you a ride back to your car.”

As he started to walk back towards the hallway we came from, my mouth fell open. What had just happened? He was there, he was with me and he was present, but now he was gone. In a blink of an eye, he was back to the robotic blank mask he wore to the rest of the world.

As he grabbed his keys, I lunged for them and snatched them from his hand.

He blinked in surprise. “Alex?”

Then I turned and hurled them down the farthest hallway. It was my time to show my anger, and I seethed at him with my hands in fists. My shoulders heaved up and down and my heart threatened to pound itself from my chest again.

“Alex?” He was so quiet, so soft.

“Don’t you dare,” I snapped at him. I yanked my hands through my hair and pulled at the ends. Pain blasted through me, but I welcomed it. Hell, I relished it. It was a relief now. “You make me a sandwich, Ethan’s sandwich, and then you push me away again. You don’t get to do that anymore. I cared about him, too!”

His face shuttered closed again.

I knew he was going to turn around. As he did, I caught his shoulder and threw him back. Then I pushed him against a wall and yelled in his face, “I loved him, too! He was my brother—”

“He was my brother!” His hands found my shoulders, but he held on. “He was there through everything, through my mom, through my dad’s affairs. Everything. He was there.”

“Say his name.”

“What?” He froze.

“Say his name.”

His hands let loose as if they’d been burned. He flattened himself against the wall.

“Say his name.”

He shook his head.

“Jesse.”

Then he brushed past me. As I tried to block him, his body hit mine backwards. I cried out from the pain and fell against the wall, but I couldn’t look away. My hand went to my shoulder where it stung, but every cell in my body went on alert. I couldn’t look away from the haunted expression in his eyes. He didn’t know that he had hurt me. I watched as he seemed locked in some memory. His lips moved, but nothing came out.

Then I reached out and touched his arm. I pleaded in a tender voice, “Tell me. Please.”

He started to shake his head, but his voice wrung out, “I feel him, you know. All the time.”

I blinked back rapid tears. Then I choked out, “Me, too.”

His jaw clenched. “I feel him at school, too. I can’t get away from him. The only time is when I’m with you.” Then he looked up. There was an extra layer of wetness over his eyes. The tears were there, brimming to be shed. “But that makes no sense. I should feel him when I’m with you. You’re the only other person to—”