Broken and Screwed 2 (BS #2)(13)

“Come on.” Beth tugged me out the door.

A cab was waiting for us and she darted into the back door as another group started towards it as well. They stopped, but moved closer again when she left the door open. Her head popped out and she shouted at me, “I’m sharing with her.” She pointed at me. “Not you guys.”

“Oh,” one of the guys groaned, but their entire group stopped.

As I hurried past them and climbed inside, the cab started forward. It was cold in contrast to the club that had been overheated with human bodies. Beth started to shiver and the cab filled with the smell of sweat quickly dissipating. I looked at the sweater in my bag, but I didn’t offer it to her.

As her teeth began chattering, she looked at me. “Don’t start doing that.”

I looked over, but I didn’t ask what she meant. I knew what she meant.

“Don’t start judging us.” She said it for me. Wrapping her arms around herself, she started to shake. “I know what you’re thinking, that we’re some sluts or something. We’re not. You don’t know why we do that, or even what we’re doing.”

She was right. As she said that, in the back of our cab, a deep loneliness filtered inside of me. People judged me. They became scared of me because a part of me died after that letter. That damn letter.

My phone buzzed at that moment. It was a text from Jesse.

U at ur room? Sorry, took longer than I thought. Can I come over? Cord told me how to sneak in back.

I responded. Yes, will be there in twenty minutes.

K.

A shiver went through me, but it wasn’t from the coldness, or even the loneliness. I was sitting in the back of this cab, with someone I didn’t know, and I’d been scolded. I wasn’t a judgmental person, but I had been with her. I had been with her cousin. She was right. What they did was none of my business. It wasn’t until I grew to know them and understand their situations. Then it would come from caring and I didn’t care about them.

I held my phone tightly. I couldn’t let it go.

Someone that I thought had stopped caring still did. I was going to see him soon and like Beth’s sentiment, I hoped he didn’t judge me. He would learn, at some point, that my parents had abandoned me. They lost their son and I was no longer good enough for them. Instead of forgiving me and taking me as is they chose the decision to start a new life. There was no room for me in their new life.

I drew in a breath. Pain blasted me, tightening my chest.

I didn’t know what I would do if Jesse saw the same defect in me as my parents did, if he walked away as they had.

I sent a furtive look beside me. For some reason, the cab wasn’t as lonely as before.

CHAPTER FOUR

I hadn’t been in my room long when I heard his knock.

A rush went through me. He was here. He was on the other side of the door. As I opened it, he ducked inside. There were rules against having boys in our rooms, but I didn’t care. Not at that moment, not as I was drinking him in.

Jesse flashed me a grin as he ran a hand through his hair.

I murmured, “You got it cut again.”

“Hmm, yeah.” He grimaced. “I was tired of the faux hawk. Told the girl to buzz it as close as she could before I’d go bald.”

“You look good.” And he did. It was a military-style haircut, but with his dark coloring and dark eyes, it made him leaner. But no. I chewed on my lip as I looked him up and down. He was leaner. Cord hadn’t been the only one working out. Jesse had muscles showing in places he hadn’t a year ago. Even as his wrist twitched, a small muscle stood out on his arm, one that I never would’ve known was there before now. His shoulders were more compact and his waist was trimmer.

He looked really good. I licked my lips. Damn good.

He smirked. “You checking me out, Connors?”

My chin went up and I narrowed my eyes at him. He was doing the same thing. Suddenly, I was glad that I had changed clothes. I hadn’t had the intention to dress for him, but I wore a tank top and lightweight scrub pants. They fell low on my hip and were tied in a loose knot. I became very aware that I wasn’t wearing a bra and my underwear’s strap was visible above my scrub’s waistband. Sexy wasn’t the vocabulary to describe me, but I knew I wasn’t ugly. My body was trimmed down, even more so since my friends had deserted me. I wasn’t an exercise person, but I had begun eating better. I might’ve hoped to become healthier, even though I knew that food wasn’t going to fix everything wrong on the inside. But it helped, a tiny bit.

“You approve?” I murmured, my voice husky with desire. It had been stirring since his text, simmering, but it was boiling as soon as I heard his knock on the door. It was a full fire when he stepped inside and it was only the two of us.

His eyes centered on my hand.

I lifted it and saw the small burn on the inside of my wrist. It was from that night when I lit my parent’s letter on fire. I hadn’t let go of the letter quick enough and I hadn’t felt the pain so it went unhealed for a while. When I did notice it, it had already healed over. So I left it. No one had been around enough to notice it. As Jesse stepped close and touched my arm, he lifted it for inspection now.

I bit into the inside of my cheek. What would he think? I already knew I couldn’t give him the answers to any questions. I didn’t want him to know, not yet, not on the first night.