Breathe (Sea Breeze #1)(34)
I walked past Ms. Mary, who stood wringing her hands waiting for me. “I knew you was gonna get hurt,” she said with worry in her voice.
I bit my bottom lip, still not trusting myself to speak.
“You wait, now, on Marcus. He’ll take you home.”
The thought of having to talk to Marcus, and waiting at the house any longer while Jax sat in the dining room with a Pop Princess, who for obvious reasons made a much better match for him than I did, panicked me. I needed to escape. I swallowed again and said to Ms. Mary, “I’m fine, but I want to go home now. I’ll see you in the morning. A bike ride is just what I need.”
I smiled, but it didn't reach my eyes. Ms. Mary frowned and reminded me to be careful. I headed home as quickly as I could. The further away I got, the harder it seemed to return. The thought of going back hurt so badly I wasn’t sure I could do it. I’m only so strong; I have a breaking point. I’d asked for this when I agreed to this thing with Jax. I’d allowed myself to be dazzled by his good looks and charming personality. His intense eyes and boyish grin somehow made me stupid and careless. I needed protection from myself. The horrifying thought that I might be like my mother hit me, and tears burned my eyes.
I stopped at the public beach. A walk would help calm me down before I went home to face Jessica. Amanda started coming down from the lifeguard stand. When she saw me, she shot her carefree, bubbly grin at me.
“Sadie! I called you just this morning, but I didn't get an answer. I left a message though. So, are you coming?”
I’d forgotten about the party. “Um, sure, I’ll come.”
She appeared genuinely happy. I couldn’t figure out why this nice, cheerful girl seemed so anxious to be my friend.
“About the lifeguarding job. How much does it pay?”
She beamed at me again, apparently thrilled at the idea of my being a lifeguard. “Twelve dollars an hour, and you get the benefits of being on the beach all day!”
That was good money. Not as much as I made now, but close enough. “All right, if I were interested, what would I need to do?”
She grabbed my hand and led me over to the building located off the boardwalk, with bathrooms, a beach bar and some offices. “You need to go in there and see Jerry in the morning. He can give you all your info. There is endurance training and a few days of classes. Depending on how well you do is how long it takes. But Cherry just quit last week, and we are short a lifeguard, so now is a good time to go see him.”
I nodded and tucked the information away. “Thanks, I will see you tomorrow night then.”
Amanda smiled brightly. “Cool, see ya.”
I turned and walked down the beach. I’d worn shorts and a blue tank top, but the evening breeze still held the day’s warmth, so it didn’t matter. I walked to the edge of the public beach and sat down on one of the deserted wooden chair rentals. Without the cushions that came with them, they were a little painful, but not so much I’d sit on the beach and get all sandy.
I lay back and closed my eyes, letting the sound of the ocean waves soothe me. I’d let this happen. I knew when I agreed to spend time with Jax I would end up caring way too much. He’d never said we were exclusive. He never said he loved me. Yes, he said many other things, like me being his air and needing me, but now all of those words seemed almost unreal. Frustrated with myself for doing exactly what every other girl in America would do, I wasn’t any different from the rest of them. His eyes and smile melted me and sent warm shivers down my spine. I needed to get a grip and get over it. Jax liked spending time with me because I happened to be a no strings attached deal. He liked being around me because I didn’t think everything he did was wonderful. He had enough admirers. He didn’t ask or require my love. I went and fell in love with him of my own free will. I rubbed my eyes with my fist and fought the stupid tears spilling out. Crying would not help this or make it get better. Yet, here I sat alone on the beach crying like a lovesick loser.
“Ugh!” I sat up and wiped my face with my shirt and decided I wouldn’t cry another tear over Jax Stone.
My chest ached at the thought of leaving Ms. Mary and Mr. Greg and Marcus...heck I would even miss Ms. Fran, but could I stay there and see him and be at his house, loving him the way I did? I let out a sigh, not sure what to do. At times like this, I really needed a mother with common sense and wise words.
“Sadie.”
I turned. Marcus was walking toward me. I wiped the rest of my tears away and stood. He still wore his white dress shirt from work, but it was untucked and the collar loosened.
When he got close enough to me to hear my voice over the wind and waves, I asked, “Marcus, what are you doing here?”
Marcus grinned sheepishly and pointed back at the lifeguard station with his thumb over his shoulder. “I’ve got an inside source.”
Confused, I frowned and looked to where I’d talked to Amanda.
He saw the frown on my face and gave a dramatic sigh. “Do you know Amanda’s last name?”
I shook my head slowly, trying to remember if she’d told me her last name.
“Amanda Hardy, aka my little sister.”
My mouth formed an “O,” and I turned back to him, studying his attractive features. Suddenly, I realized he and his sister shared the same eyes and smile. “Does she know I work with you?” She’d never said anything to me before, and her friendliness made a lot more sense being the sister of my friend.