Brazen (Brazen #1)(33)

He strode forward into the kitchen to where Jaz was sitting. As she looked up in surprise, he gathered her in his arms and gave her a big hug. Then he dropped a kiss on her upturned lips. She blinked in shock, and he smiled at her reaction.

He brushed his thumb across the smudges beneath her eyes. “You look tired, Jaz.” He cupped her cheeks and pulled her face to his again so he could kiss her. Her lips were deliciously soft against his, and he swallowed her sigh of contentment, held it close to him as he did her. He felt an odd sense of satisfaction, as if the decision he’d made had brought him peace.

He let her go and gently tucked her hair behind her ears. “Get some rest today and let Carmen take care of you. I’ll be out with Seth for most of the day, but I’ll see you when I get back.”

Unable to resist one more taste, he brushed his lips across hers. He touched her cheek with his fingers then turned to walk out to where Seth waited.

Jasmine watched him go and wondered if she was having some bizarre dream. She raised her fingers to touch her tingling lips.

Carmen looked at her with a smug smile. “Maybe he is coming around, eh niña?”

“Maybe,” she murmured.

What had gotten into him? Not that she was complaining. After Seth’s rejection, one of the many that had been piling up lately, she’d spent the night in restless despair.

“What is wrong, Jasmine?” Carmen asked quietly. “You are not yourself today. You look sad.”

Jasmine sighed. Sad. She wasn’t sure that word covered it. Carmen wrapped her arms around her and hugged her to her ample bosom, and Jasmine clung to her, needing the comfort she offered.

Carmen stroked her back and murmured in Spanish near her ear. Several long minutes later, Carmen pulled away to look at her.

“What has happened, niña? You can talk to me, you know.”

With little hesitation, Jasmine poured out the entire story, detailing the events of the last night and Seth’s reaction. Carmen sat on the stool next to Jasmine, a look of sympathy creasing her round face.

“You weren’t prepared for your first time.”

Jasmine shook her head, embarrassed to admit her naivety. She wasn’t ignorant of sex. She’d done plenty of experimentation and more than a little observation. But she had been caught off guard by what had happened last night.

Carmen sighed. “The first time is often painful, and if not painful, it’s certainly not comfortable. It would have been better, I think, if he had known. There is much a man can do to make it easier for a woman if he knows and can prepare for it.”

“Yes, but if he had known, he never would have touched me,” Jasmine said ruefully.

Carmen nodded. “You are probably right.”

“I don’t know how to make him love me, mamacita. Maybe I never will. I love him and Zane so much. I don’t want to imagine not being with them.”

“Well, it would seem you’re making progress with at least one of them,” Carmen pointed out.

“It sounds greedy and selfish and manipulative,” Jasmine began. “But I love them both so much that I cannot imagine a life without them both. As much as I love Zane, I’m not sure I could ever be with him with Seth on the outside, always there but not. The same goes for Seth. I couldn’t be with him without Zane. So much rides on their acceptance of that fact,” she said glumly. “Before I came home, I was so sure of myself. I imagined it would be easy to bowl them over. It’s easy to think of how things will go when you’re so far removed from the reality.”

Carmen smiled. “You are very honest, niña. That’s a start. Admitting your shortsightedness.”

“Oh, I have no problem admitting my many faults,” Jasmine said wryly.

Carmen patted her lovingly on the hand. “I’ve never known you to give up, niña. I don’t always agree with your methods, and I’ve not completely approved of what it is you want now, but I know you have a pure heart and that you love those boys. And that is the most important thing. So if you love them, you mustn’t give up. Love is worth fighting for.”

Yes, Seth and Zane were worth fighting for. Jasmine just hoped that in the end she wasn’t defeated.

Seth surveyed the freshly-seeded food plots with satisfaction. He and Zane had worked all day to get the seed in the ground after the rain and in time for the next expected rain tonight.

He’d pushed himself hard, working through lunch, barely stopping for a drink. He was punishing himself, and he knew it, but he couldn’t get last night out of his mind.

He’d hurt her, and he didn’t know if he could forgive himself for that. He’d broken every oath he’d ever made to himself ever since she’d come into his life. A man’s promise was everything, and if he couldn’t keep his word to himself, then how could he be expected to be honorable with anyone else?

In all of it, though, he wasn’t the angriest over his broken vow. No, what pissed him off the most was the fact that what he wanted was to go back to her and make it up to her. To love her as gently and as tenderly as he could. Show her how it could be instead of the rough, uncaring ass he’d shown himself to be the night before. He still cringed when he remembered the small whimper of pain when he’d driven ruthlessly into her.

God almighty. He closed his eyes, willing the memory away.

“Looks like we’re done,” Zane said as he tore off his gloves and tossed them into the back of the truck.