Blonde & Blue (Alexa O'Brien, Huntress #4)(62)

Turning the corner onto my street, I was surprised to see Shaz’ car parked in front of the house. After his fast exit from The Wicked Kiss’ parking lot earlier, I had expected him to head for home. Or, wherever else his desires took him. Though he had a key to my house, he sat on the front step. He stood up when I pulled into the driveway. My stomach clenched.

“Hey, babe.” I was sick with worry but greeted him as if everything was fine. My legs felt like jelly as I walked across the yard to him. “I didn’t expect to see you again tonight.

True to his most common nervous habit, Shaz ran a hand through his hair once then a second time. “I think we both need some time alone right now, but I didn’t feel right leaving it this way. There should be no secrets between us. I’m sorry you found out the way you did.”

Shifting my weight from one leg to the other, I crossed my arms over my chest, unsure of what to do with myself. I wanted to tenderly touch his bloody, bruised face. “If anyone should apologize, it’s me. I brought you into the chaos of vampires and everything that goes with them. I feel like it’s consuming us both, and it’s my fault.”

“You can’t take all the blame for this, Lex. It is what it is, and we both play our part. We deal with it, or we let it break us. I’m not ok with letting this come between us. Our bond was built years ago, before any of this came into play. That’s worth fighting to protect.”

In this house, I easily flashed back in time to several years ago when I’d been a foolish idiot fawning over Raoul but always finding my comfort in Shaz. Back then I hadn’t realized why I always gravitated to him, but Shaz had always been the one.

“It scares me. I can’t help but fear that this is going to tear us apart. If not now, eventually.” It was a confession that stung, one I wanted to wish away rather than validate with words. “It feels like the only time I know who I am anymore is when I’m with you.”

Without hesitation, Shaz pulled me into his arms. I crumbled against him as tears pricked the back of my eyes. Despair taunted me, encouraging a few hot tears to slip down my face. They were pure and clear, void of blood. I inhaled his scent, finding the heady mix of wolf and pine to be cleansing.

“Lex, you’re the one that helped me hold it together when the wolf was new and I wanted to tear every living thing I came across to shreds. You helped me remember that I’m a person and not just a predator with a human face. I’ve always adored you, and nothing is going to change that.” His hand was warm against my forehead as he smoothed back my hair. “We’re both in a really f**ked up place right now. But, when haven’t we been?”

I shook my head and choked back a sob. “Not like this. It’s never been this bad. I know it’s wrong but the thought of her touching you, feeding on you, it makes me want to die. I’m sorry. I hate myself for making you feel this way.”

His deep sigh resonated with unspoken emotion. We stood there on the front lawn, clinging to one another like the desperate kids we’d started out as. Those days were long over and yet, I felt just as young and naive as I had then.

A car engine down the block started, breaking the quiet of early dawn. One of the neighbors was on her way to work, just a general part of everyday human life. A relatively mundane event that I was suddenly madly envious of.

“Hey, we’re not doing that.” He murmured into my hair. “No blame and guilt. It won’t do either of us any good. I want you to know, I understand things better now. I’ll never know exactly what it’s like for you, but I’ve gotten a taste of the temptation you deal with. And, it’s a bitch.”

I pulled back to gaze up into his eyes. His expression solemn, Shaz clasped my hand in his. I could feel his unease. He was as shaken up about this as I was.

My gaze dropped to our joined hands, straying to the bites on his wrist. “I don’t want this to break us.”

He nuzzled me, a gentle brush of his cheek against mine, the soft touch of his lips to the side of my nose. “Nothing will break us.”

It was exactly what I wanted to hear. So why didn’t I believe it?

I wanted to say so much, but none of it seemed right. Demanding that he stay away from The Kiss and especially away from the vampire bitch who bit him wouldn’t be proper. Jealousy ate at me, and I had no choice but to take it. As it was, I was dying to beg him not to fall in love with her. The irrational request slowly died inside me, fading as the night did.

The faintest trace of morning light peeked over the horizon. As dawn rolled in to the east, the night continued to linger in the west. The sun and moon shared the sky, the rulers of day and night meeting for the briefest of moments before they were forced to part. How many people paused even just once in their lifetime to witness this flash of short-lived beauty?

I couldn’t give it up. How Arys ever managed to find contentment living always in the dark, I would never know. I lived for the night, but I always knew that the morning would come, that I would see it should I choose to. To have that choice stripped from me … I couldn’t bear it.

“Tomorrow after sunrise, I’m going back for Claire and Maxwell. They want werewolves, I’ll bring them werewolves.” A smirk twisted my lips as I envisioned how I hoped it would all go down.

“Bring the pack?” Shaz nodded approvingly. “Great idea.”

“Anyone willing to come, anyway. I think it will give us a huge advantage. I plan to be at full strength, and this time I will be ready for Maxwell.”