Beyond These Walls (The Walls Duet #2)(59)

I held him out an arm’s length, and the two of us stared at one another.

“Hi,” I said.

His eyebrows rose, giving me a look that said he clearly knew I had no idea what I was doing.

He’d already figured me out.

Shit, I’m screwed.

I had no idea what to do with him, so I decided we’d take a little walk of our own. Awkwardly, I pulled him closer, feeling his chubby hand grip my tatted forearm.

“You like that?”

His eyes intensely wandered over the black ink while his small fingers scooted along my skin. Finally, he looked back up at me and babbled a string of incoherent baby nonsense.

I laughed. “Oh, yeah? Fond of the ink, huh? I’ll keep that between us men. Don’t want your mom thinking I’ve corrupted you already.”

Unlocking the sliding door with my free hand, I stepped out on the wide deck, feeling the warm breeze of early spring hit our faces. Zander’s finger pointed toward the water, and he clapped in glee.

“I like it, too.”

I looked down at him as he took in the view, his big blue eyes darting from left to right. His face lit up when he spotted a dog playing in the water with his owner. My fingers went to his face, brushing against his soft skin, as I inhaled his clean scent.

I’d never given much thought to the possibility of being a father.

When it had been just Megan and me, it had always been something we’d do later, in the future. We were supposed to have forever, so the idea of kids really never came up. I guessed it was just something both of us had figured we’d naturally fall into one day.

When Lailah had come into my life—well, she was all I needed. It wasn’t a feeling of losing or giving anything up. When I was with her, I felt complete. But now, there was more, and I still couldn’t wrap my mind around the idea that I could possibly deserve it all.

That was why I couldn’t shake the nervousness that constantly lingered in the corners of my mind.

When would all of this come crashing down on me like a house of cards?

Would I ever hold my child like this? Cradle him in my arms as we looked out at the ocean, listening to his mother entertain guests?

God, I hoped so.

As the sun began to sink beneath the horizon, the two of us continued to chill out on the deck. We watched surfers as Zander spoke to me about the many adventures he’d been on in his short life—or at least, that was what I assumed he was talking about. He squished my face and laughed.

“Wow, this place is great!” Grace announced, stepping out onto the patio with Lailah.

They both had drinks in their hands, and as they took their seats, Lailah offered me a soda.

“So, how was your alone time with Zander?” she asked before taking a sip of water as she leaned back in her seat.

“Great,” I gloated. “This kid loves me.”

“Oh, please. He was just being easy on you because he saw newbie written all over your face,” Grace replied.

“Nah, we’re tight.” I gave her a wink, popping the top of my soda.

Zander suspiciously eyed it, licking his lips, as I took my first sip.

“Okay,” she simply said.

I saw his hand move a millisecond before soda splattered us both. Both women covered their laughter as Zander burst into tears at the sudden sensation of being drenched by cold liquid.

I wasn’t too happy about it either.

“Oh, baby boy!” Grace cooed. “It’s okay!”

Her outstretched hands met his, and he reached for her, completely abandoning the mean man who had forgotten about the unwritten rule regarding soda cans and infants.

Apparently, you had to watch both like a hawk, or this would happen.

“I’m going to go change,” I announced, standing, as I watched Coke drip down my jeans and into my shoes.

Squeaky-toed, I walked off to the bedroom to grab a new pair of jeans. As I rifled through the drawers of our new dresser, trying to figure out how everything was organized, I found an envelope hidden underneath a drawer stuffed with Lailah’s sweaters. Curiously, I pulled it out and found the ultrasound pictures the technician had printed. In addition, the solitary image from her first ultrasound was underneath. I held them side-by-side, amazed by how much our tiny peanut had grown in only four weeks. In the first image, there was nothing really—just a dark circle that showed the place a baby would eventually be. Four weeks later, I could clearly see the progress of growth.

It made me anxious to add to this growing pile. I was hoping, in the visits to come, we’d see more as our child blossomed in Lailah’s belly. A month ago, I had argued for abortion, and now, I was staring down at ultrasound pictures with amazement. She’d done that. Lailah had filled me with hope, and I only prayed everything would turn out the way she envisioned it.

I tucked the photos back in their hiding spot, wondering for a moment why they were hiding in the first place, but I quickly reminded myself that I was most likely dripping soda onto the carpet. Throwing on a fresh pair of jeans, I joined everyone back on the deck just in time to hear Grace announce that she’d brought us a gift.

“Well, it’s for Lailah mostly,” she admitted.

“I’ll try not to be offended,” I joked.

“Why are you bringing us gifts?” Lailah asked as she bounced a now happy Zander on her knee.