Be With Me(49)

What she wanted, what she needed, was their touch. Their friendship.

Their love.

Which meant she had to be wil ing to give it in return.

And hadn’t she always? Loved them? Wasn’t it there, hadn’t it always been there? She’d just never sat down and analyzed her feelings. As if. Because who admitted she loved three different men? What normal person contemplated such a thing?

“I feel like there should be smoke pouring from your ears,” Cam said.

Her head came up. Cam was standing in front of her with two mugs. He was staring intently at her, a clear question on his face.

Instead of responding to the unspoken question, she simply reached up to retrieve one of the mugs.

Cam shoved the pil ow over and settled down beside her. He reached over and turned the lamp on, bathing the area in low light.

Suddenly she had no desire for the cocoa. Her skin prickled with the urge to feel him against her. To make the connection she now realized she wanted more than anything.

“What’l it be? A documentary on the rain forests or the mating habits of the chimpanzee?” he asked in a teasing voice.

No way she was going to watch a bunch of monkeys screw.

She turned her head so she could look at him.

“Can we just leave it off? I kinda like the idea of sitting here with you without the noise in the background.”

He stared back at her, and she felt warmed to her toes by those eyes. They reminded her a lot of the sweet chocolate he’d handed her.

“We can do that. It’s been a while since we got some time to catch up.”

She smiled and refused to feel guilty over the fact that they hadn’t caught up because she’d been too busy running in the other direction. That was al going to stop. Right now.

She brought her other hand up to the mug and cupped it to her lips, blowing on the liquid before al owing it to seep into her mouth. Mmmm. Double sugar, just the way she liked it.

She licked over her upper lip as she pulled the cup away, and she felt Cam stil staring at her. She cocked her head to the side and glanced over.

“You’re not drinking your chocolate.”

“It’s not what I want,” he said as he set it on the end table next to the couch.

Her breathing sped up.

“What do you want?” she asked softly.

He didn’t answer right away. He didn’t have to. The answer was there in his eyes. The way he looked at her. Wordlessly, she handed him her cup.

His brow furrowed in confusion as he took it and set it on the table next to his.

Gathering her courage around her, she put her sore arm on his shoulder and gently pushed herself up. Before he could help or say anything, she turned and swung her leg over him and settled onto his lap facing him.

She didn’t know what to do first. She was in complete overload. She wanted to dive in, press herself against his chest and hold on tight. She wanted him to hold her. She wanted to snuggle down deep, feel his heartbeat against her cheek.

Tentatively, she put her hands on his chest, and then she slid them around his body, under his armpits, burrowing them between him and the couch.

She leaned in, pressing her cheek against his chest and rubbing lightly over his T-shirt.

He tensed against her. His pulse raced, bumping a steady rhythm against her face. She inhaled deeply, wanting to absorb his scent and the feeling of being in his arms.

Had she not been so reserved this past year, this wouldn’t have come as such a surprise to him. She could feel him struggling with her gesture, and it hurt her. Hurt her that she was responsible for the distance between them.

She pulled away and stared at him for a long moment, plucking up her courage before it deserted her completely. It was her move. In this it had to be.

They’d made al the moves so far, and she knew they wouldn’t push her. She was going to have to come to them.

“Cam, I want to ask you something . . . and I want you to be honest with me.”

He regarded her evenly. “I’ve always been honest with you, Reggie. About everything.”

She nodded. “What would happen if I asked you to make love to me? Right here. Right now.” His body drew up as he sucked in his breath. Then he expel ed it in a long whisper. A discernible bulge nudged his jeans at his groin, just inches from the juncture of her thighs where she straddled him.

“What are you real y asking?” he said in a hoarse voice. “I think what you want to know is what happens afterward. Am I right?”

She closed her eyes for a moment then reopened them and met his steady gaze. “Sawyer says I’m the only one keeping score, and maybe he’s right. But I have to ask. What happens if we make love? Wil it put you at odds with Sawyer and Hutch? Are they going to resent you? Be angry with me?”

“Are we talking hypothetical y, Reggie?” She didn’t look away. Didn’t flinch or dodge the issue. “No,” she whispered.

His body rippled with power, a brief surge that sent heat racing to her core. He wanted her. He vibrated with it. His muscles coiled and tensed beneath her body, and his chest rose and fel with stuttered breaths.

“I want to make love with you, Reggie,” he said softly. “More than anything. But maybe we should get a few things out of the way.

“I’m not competing against Sawyer and Hutch. Wil they be jealous? I honestly can’t answer that. They want the same things I do. To be with you in every way imaginable.