Be With Me(48)

He drew her into his arms and rested his chin on top of her head. “I’m sorry. Can I get you anything?

You want something to eat or drink?”

You. She just wanted him. Wanted to stay this way for a little longer, until the paralyzing aftereffects of the dream faded.

She shook her head against his chest then pulled slightly away despite her desire to stay nestled in his arms. “Am I disturbing you? Weren’t you working?” He smoothed her hair from her cheek. “You’re never bothering me, Reggie darling. I was just working on some plans.”

“Want company?” she asked hopeful y. Even sitting here watching him work seemed preferable to returning to her dreams.

“I’ve got a better idea. Why don’t I make us some hot chocolate, and we’l go curl up on the couch in the living room and watch some TV.”

She wrinkled her nose. “What kind of TV?” He grinned. “I recorded stuff from the Discovery Channel I haven’t watched yet.”

She was pretty sure her eye twitched, but she kept her expression neutral. “Uhm sure, sounds great.”

“Liar.”

“I watch educational television. Sometimes.” His eyes glittered with amusement. “Since when does slap-stick or watching men with IQs lower than my shoe size beat the crap out of each other constitute educational?”

She grinned up at him. “It’s very educational. It’s a study in brain cel loss.”

He turned back to flip off the lamp over his desk.

“Are you sure you don’t need to work?” she asked.

“I could make the hot chocolate and sit in here with you. I don’t mind.”

He slipped an arm around her and herded her out the door. “Nah, my eyes were crossing anyway. I can finish it later.”

He stopped in the hal closet and pulled out a blanket and a couple of pil ows before directing her into the living room.

He sat her down on the couch, plopped the pil ows on either side of her then draped the blanket across her.

“You stay right here, and I’l be back in a minute with the cocoa.”

She smiled and burrowed into the covers as he walked toward the kitchen. This suddenly needy side of her bugged the hel out of her. Some part of her wondered if she’d always been needy, and she supposed she had. She’d latched onto the friendship with Cam, Sawyer and Hutch and held on tight through school and into their adult lives.

Because she’d always been secure in that relationship, it hadn’t manifested itself in this dark, edgy need that was rearing its head now. Now that she wasn’t so secure. Now that things had taken a decidedly different turn.

She

had

plenty

of

casual

friends

and

acquaintances. Her fel ow police officers and even a few of the wives, Michel e in particular. No, she didn’t hang out regularly. She much preferred her status as a loner. It was too ingrained.

Growing up in the solemn, isolated Fal on house had taught her reserve, and only around Cam and Sawyer and Hutch did she al ow herself to be openly affectionate and outgoing.

But she’d held a part of herself back. Even from them. She’d sheltered the growing need for more from them, too afraid of losing them. When they had taken that first step, she hadn’t known how to react.

She stil didn’t.

She closed her eyes and pulled the covers to her chin. What would happen . . . What if she just let it happen? What if she stopped fighting the inevitable and embraced it instead?

Her stomach twisted. Part in anticipation, excitement, and the other part in nervous fear.

It wasn’t as if they hadn’t already had sex. One afternoon of playful teasing and conversation had led to a night she’d never forget.

There were so many what-ifs. What if she hadn’t tucked tail and run? Would they have spent the last year together, laughing and loving, or would they even now be hopelessly separated, having ruined their friendship with a premature sexual relationship?

And then, in one of those stunning moments of clarity, which she might have already had if she hadn’t spent the last several days in a drug-induced fog, she realized that al her angsting was a moot point.

It didn’t matter one iota what she thought might or might not happen if they started down the path the guys were nudging her onto. They had already trucked down the street, run the stop sign and reached the fork in the road.

The question was, what was she going to do about it? Continue as before and lose not only their friendship but any hope of more?

She shook her head. When had she decided she wanted more?

Crazy. You’re crazy.

Her head was spinning, and she was growing more agitated by the minute. She closed her eyes and sucked in deep, steadying breaths.

For now, she wasn’t going anywhere. Not when some lunatic seemed determined to go after everyone she loved most. Whatever happened in the meantime . . . wel , it happened, and she wasn’t going to fight it. Nor was she going to be a passive participant. It just wasn’t her style.

Her pulse ratcheted up about ten notches. Or thirty.

She craved them. It went beyond a need for sex.

She’d gotten that after that night a year ago. Her chest tightened and squeezed uncomfortably as she remembered how awful she’d felt after her one-night stand with a man she couldn’t even remember with any accuracy.