Be With Me(19)

“I’ve had sex before. I mean, you know that. But I never felt like I was betraying you. You’ve had relationships. I’ve had men in my life. That never interfered with our friendship. But after that night, I couldn’t even think about being intimate with another man because al I could see were your reactions if you knew. And yet I couldn’t face you anyway because of what happened. So either way I lose,” she whispered. “And God, I can’t stand the thought of that.”

Hutch got up and walked toward her, ignoring her outstretched hand. He grasped her wrist, tucked his arm around her waist as he moved in quick. He slid his hand behind her head and tilted her neck to meet his kiss.

She’d hungered for this. Lain awake so many nights reliving each and every moment of the three men making love to her.

He swal owed her protest and deepened the kiss.

His lips moved ravenously over hers as if he’d hungered for it every bit as much as she had.

He pulled slightly away but continued to press light kisses against her lips.

“You aren’t going to lose us, Reggie. Not unless you keep running. You keep saying you can’t stand the thought of things changing, but they didn’t change when we made love, baby. They changed when you bolted like a scared jackrabbit. This last year?

We’ve only seen bits and snatches of you because every time we get close, you find an excuse to be somewhere else. You say you don’t want to hurt us, but damn it, Reggie, that hurts us.”

“He’s right,” Sawyer interjected.

Hutch moved to the side, and she stared over at Sawyer who stil stood by the table, his eyes glittering with intensity.

“You’re angry with me,” she said softly. But for some reason she didn’t think he was angry because she’d admitted to sleeping with another man. Yeah, it had hurt them, but they seemed to push it aside.

“Yes. No. Yes, damn it, I am,” Sawyer said in frustration. “I’m angry at the situation. I’m angry because I don’t know what to do to fix this, to make things right between us. I don’t know how to make you not afraid.”

Cam final y rose to his feet. He took a long, measured stare first at Sawyer and then Hutch. They were doing that whole silent communication thing again, and it unnerved her. Made her feel like she didn’t stand a chance in hel against them.

Cam walked over to where she stood with Hutch, and he reached out for her hand. He didn’t take it. He just held his out and waited for her to take it.

She eyed him nervously for a minute before relenting and sliding her fingers into his. He squeezed gently and rubbed his thumb across the top of her knuckles.

“We’re going to take this slow, Reggie. There’s a lot riding on this. We don’t want to pressure you, but we aren’t going to be dishonest with you either.” Fear tightened her chest, expanding until she could hardly breathe. “What is it you want?”

“You, Reggie. We want you.”

“I don’t understand.”

He nodded. “You understand. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t be so damn scared. You wouldn’t be avoiding us.”

“Do we have to spel it out, Reggie?” Hutch asked.

Sawyer closed in on her from the front.

“We want you,” he said simply. “With us. Look around, honey.” He gestured around the room. “We didn’t build this just for us. We built it for you.” He moved closer and gathered her other hand in his, raising it and placing it over his heart. “Be with me, Reggie. Be with us.”

Her brain shut down. What they proposed . . . even though she knew, knew it before, and feared it, hearing it out loud . . . it was shocking. A jolt to her system. She couldn’t wrap her mind around it.

She licked her lips trying to formulate words, some kind of response. What did you say to something like that? How could you possibly respond?

She closed her eyes as fatigue crept over her, clawing at her. Weariness that had little to do with her injuries and everything to do with the emotional drain sucking at her, descended over her like a dark, suffocating blanket.

She swayed, steadied herself against Sawyer and tried to step back. He wouldn’t let her go. Instead he pulled her into his arms and wrapped himself around her. His hand caressed her cheek as he pressed her against his chest, and he kissed the top of her head.

“Get her another pil ,” she heard him say. She started to shake her head, but he stil ed her motion.

“This was a lot to dump on you, honey,” he murmured into her hair. “We don’t expect you to give us an answer today or even tomorrow. Al we ask is that you don’t run from us anymore. Stay and face this thing between us. Give us a chance. Whether you like it or not, things have changed between us.

Where we go from here is up to us. We can let it destroy us, or we can face it head-on. You’re no coward, Reggie. It’s time to stop acting like one.” He pulled her away and stared down at her, his blue eyes blazing with sincerity . . . and determination. She didn’t answer, but then he didn’t seem to expect her to.

Her gaze flitted over to where Cam stood solemnly watching her. She stared questioningly at him. He stared back, his dark eyes reflecting the same sincerity she’d seen in Sawyer’s. They were serious.

Hutch walked back up and thrust a mug of hot chocolate at her. Sawyer took the mug when she reached for it, and Hutch caught her hand, uncurled her fingers as he’d done before and dropped a pil into it.