Back in the Saddle (Jessica Brodie Diaries #1)(5)

“She’s probably afraid to show her face after picking this place. She doesn’t even eat seafood and it’s half the men,” Jane intoned.

“Here,” Lump handed the wine in my direction, “have some wine.”

“No way! No alcohol. My liver needs to re-calibrate!”

There was a chorus of laughing and “Shut ups!” Flem immediately reached for the bottle and glass at the same time.

As I was about to protest for the second time, the door swung open, emitting a loud, “Fuck!”

Claire stood in the doorway, juggling cigarettes, a lighter, and her handbag while bending over a shoe. After she shooed two waiters away and started laughing, she saw our table and headed over.

“I picked this arse hole, I did? Feck!” She threw her bag down at her feet.

“I don’t know what she just said, but she sounds pissed.” Lump said with a smirk.

“She’s from Ireland, they’re always pissed!” I laughed.

Jane handed Claire a menu without saying a word.

“It is mostly seafood. Load of bollix, this menu. Ah well.” Claire put the menu down and looked at all of us. “Well. How are ye now?”

All eyes one me.

Then it started.

“So...” Claire began, putting down her wine glass and looking at me. “You found a Prince Charming last night, did ye?”

“Yeah, girl.” Flem leaned in toward me as she asked, “What happened there? We leave you for one minute and you sneak away with some guy. Who was it?”

I hesitated.

“Come on, Jess. We won’t judge,” Jane said with an encouraging smile.

Laughing, Lump said, “I will so judge you, and then point and laugh! But I will at least wait until you’re done telling your story.”

“Oh, well, in that case…” I sighed. “Alright. It wasn’t my great design at the time, but the man I woke up with was very well built, tanned, and hung just right…”

“Wh-at?” Lump shouted. “Who was he? How did I not see him?”

“Well, uh...” I scratched my nose to stall while my insides shriveled. “It was probably because you were looking straight ahead, and he walked right under your eye line.”

Jane said, “That is nothing new. She’s a giraffe--most men pass under her nose!”

Lump shot Jane a dirty look.

“Okay,” I said, “he is a little shorter than that, even.”

“Short isn’t the end-all, be-all,” Flem uttered with a wave of her hand.

“Well, he wasn’t exactly gorgeous, either.”

Claire’s smile widened, prodding me on with a nod.

“He was a little less than fairly ugly.”

“This isn’t sounding good...” Jane muttered, looking down at her glass of wine. She was losing the fight of positive thinking.

“Come clean!” Flem shouted.

I let them have it. I explained, from beginning to end, the horror story of my morning. When I finished, I looked around the table expectantly.

Jane was sharing my misery and probably would’ve reached out and hugged me had she been closer. Lump looked like she was reliving some similar past horror. Claire was looking past me and watching what someone was doing behind me, apparently having lost focus. And Flem... well, Flem was looking at me with the oddest expression I have ever seen.

Half her mouth was slightly twisted in a sort of smirk. Her eyebrows were furrowed, almost like she was witnessing some tragedy, and her eyes held a quizzical look. She was leaning toward me, but her head pulled back as though there was poop on the table in front of me. She looked around at the others. Then back to me.

And guffawed.

She rolled with laughter. Roared with it. Body heaving, she slammed her hands on the table. She laughed so loud it echoed. Somewhere a glass broke, which startled Claire into looking around wildly.

Flem threw out her finger and pointed at me, doubled over. “He-was-so-ugly!”

“Yeah, I remember that lad." Clare nodded, watching a waiter go by. “Fecking disaster!”

And there went Flem again.

“We’ve all had our memorable moments, you guys!”

Bless Jane and her sweet temper.

“All I’m saying is, I am getting too old for this.” I looked for the waiter and more wine before I went on. It was time to break the news. It was time for that new life. It wasn’t just an idle thought, either. I was hoping that a relocation might help sort me out. It might help shake things up so I could make a change.

“I have some news.”

The table went quite. Eyes dropped to the table, except for Lump, who was staring at me. That was never a good sign.

“I’ve applied to jobs all across the country,” I paused to take a sip, trying to cure my suddenly dry throat. “I got one in Texas. A house, too. I’m…ah…moving.”

“Yeah, Jane already told us,” Flem said with eyebrows shelving her eyes like a cartoon character. “And you’re headed to a dumb f**king place, you know that?”

“Is that because you were born and raised in the inbred state?” Lump smirked, still staring at me despite the fact that she was talking to Flem. Men quailed in that look. She had the mite and know-how to do serious damage. Had since she was young. Her father was a martial arts expert, her oldest brother a master. She got beat on until she followed in her dad’s footsteps. She had slow to temper, but if she did ever get riled out, get out of the way.