Awake at Dawn (Shadow Falls #2)(37)

"No. Well, yeah, that's embarrassing, too. But that's not why ... why..."

"Why you've been avoiding me. Just say it. Because that's what you've been doing." He now sounded half mad, or at least half annoyed. But what she really heard in the tenor of his voice was insecurity. And honestly, she couldn't blame him. She'd feel all those things if he'd been dodging her the way she'd been doing him.

She bit down on her lip. "I'm sorry. It's not what you think."

"So what is it? Because I'm lost here. I mean, your emotions mostly seem okay when I'm around you, they actually seem really great at times, but then you run off."

"And ... that's sort of why I'm running off," she said. His brow creased. "And ... I still don't understand."

Okay, she was going to spell it out for him. Her face flushed just thinking about it. "When I'm around you all I can think about is kissing and making out." And going further than I've ever gone with anyone. His brow creased deeper, but at least some of the chip he seemed to carry appeared to fall off his shoulders with his new posture. "Okay."

He tucked a hand into his jeans pocket. "Now can you explain to me why that's a bad thing?"

"It's not so much a bad thing, but it's ... a private thing. I don't even want you to know what's going on inside my head. Much less all the vampires and other fairies wandering around the camp."

His shoulders tightened as if the chip had returned. "So you're embarrassed because other people know you like me."

"No. I mean ... liking you is one thing. Wanting to ... make out is another."

"You want to make out with me?" He almost grinned, and then ran a hand through his hair. "You know, I didn't think it was possible to feel complimented and insulted at the same time. But you've managed to make me feel both."

"I didn't insult you," she said.

"You did if you mean that you're embarrassed for people to know that you like me."

"I told you it's not about liking you."

"Okay, you just don't want people to know you're attracted to me." She opened her mouth to speak, but wasn't sure what to say. "Yeah. Sort of. I mean, it's just private."

"Private?" He hesitated as if trying to figure out what she meant. "It's never all that private."

"It is for humans," she said. "And I may not be a hundred percent human, but ... I mean, let's face it. I've had sixteen years of living as a human, and less than two months of trying to cope with being ... Oh wait, I don't even know what I am yet." She shook her head, feeling her frustration level rise. "But yeah, I kind of like how humans do this."

"How they do what?" he asked, as if he wasn't following her.

Not that she could totally blame him, because she wasn't so certain she was following herself. "I like how humans keep their personal thoughts and feelings to themselves."

He stood there chewing on what she said. She could tell that her argument wasn't making sense to him.

"No," he said. "You're wrong."

"Wrong about what?" Now she was confused.

"It's not private for humans, either. They don't keep everything to themselves."

"Only if they chose to tell someone," Kylie said.

"Bullshit!" he said. "Look at Helen and Jonathon over there. Are you going to tell me that you, the human part of you, can't see that these two people are attracted to each other? And what about Burnett? You knew he was lovesick for Holiday before I did. You can see it."

Okay, he had a point. But she didn't like him jabbing her with it. "See it, yes. But I can't feel their emotions or smell the pheromones they put out because they want to..." bump uglies "... get it on. And knowing other people can ... do that with me, well, it freaks me out a little, okay?"

He shook his head. "Are you sure it's other people knowing it that's freaking you out? Or is it you knowing what you feel for me that's freaking you out?"

She stared at him. "I don't know what you mean."

"I mean, that I'm not so sure you want this." He waved a hand between them.

"Want what?" Just like that, she got flashbacks. Flashbacks of having a similar argument with Trey. Oh, please. Not again.

"You and I. Us. You don't want us to become an 'us.' Every time I feel as if we get a little closer, you end up pushing me away. I've asked you to go out with me at least six times and you never answer me. What's up with this?"

Yup, she'd had almost this very conversation with Trey. "It's always about sex, isn't it?"

"What?" His mouth dropped open. "No. I wasn't talking about that."

"So you don't want sex?" she asked, getting angrier by the second. He stood there staring at her as if she'd grown two heads and a tail. And God help her, considering everything that had happened to her lately, she almost wanted to check the mirror to make sure she hadn't sprouted a second head. Ditto for the tail.

"Where the hell is this coming from?" he asked.

Suddenly, she became aware that the crowd had gotten closer to them and several of the people in that crowd had the hearing of a gossiphungry bat. She glanced at her watch and saw it was after two. "Sorry, I'm late."