Avoiding Responsibility (Avoiding #2)(160)
"Do you really blame her for not telling you after how you're overreacting?" Adam asked attempting to talk some sense into her.
"Overreacting?" she squeaked. "You haven't seen overreacting!"
"And we don't want to," he said shaking his head at her.
"The fact that she slept with your brother doesn't bother you?"
"No," he stated simply with a shrug. "It really doesn't, and it shouldn't bother you. It's not like I think something happened between you and John. I certainly wouldn't be okay with that, but my brother isn't a bad guy. And as she said they are two consenting adults…"
"You're brother isn't a bad guy?" Chyna groaned rolling her eyes dramatically. "I wouldn't wish him on someone I like a lot less than Alexa."
"We've been through this," he grumbled clearly annoyed, "but you can't change it. All you can do is accept the fact that it happened and move on. She's your best friend after all. You two have been through a lot together…"
Chyna turned back to Lexi as if she were considering Adam's point, then shook her head. "That's exactly the reason that this doesn't make any sense. You've never been that person with me. Yet, you hid things from me…your best friend. I know you hide things from everyone else, but me? I thought you sleeping with Jack before their engagement was an all time low…but this…" Chyna stammered out in anger.
Lexi's hand went to her mouth instantly in shock. She couldn't believe that Chyna would blurt out the secret she had been trying to keep from revealing all along. You could have heard a pin drop in the room the silence was all encompassing.
When Lexi had thought that everything was out on the table after her confession about John, she hadn't actually anticipated everything being out on the table. She hadn't thought that Chyna would ever tell anyone, let alone a room full of people, that she had slept with Jack prior to his engagement to Bekah. She hadn't told anyone else so she hadn't been expecting anyone else to blurt out the news.
In all honestly, there was only one real reason why she hadn't told Bekah about her and Jack f**king during his birthday party a year ago. It certainly wasn't her regard for the woman. She despised Bekah. In fact, she couldn't think of a person she liked less. Yet, she had held back that one fact. She had held back the one thing that would have seriously turned Bekah away from Jack. It was what she had always wanted.
She didn't want Bekah and Jack to marry…that much she knew. But after all that, she still hadn't told her the terrible awful thing that they had done in the hallway. She couldn't bring herself to do it. Not only was it humiliating that she had been bitchy enough…and desperate enough to actually sleep with him, but he had been so cruel and cold to her afterwards. He had kept his distance as if the only thing he had been after was the sex, and once he had it he was through with her. She had never felt so low…so used. Her self-worth had plummeted that night, and she didn't want anyone other than Chyna to know that.
Even after that when she had finally begun to recover, she hadn't blurted the news to Bekah. When Bekah had pulled out that big honking diamond…Lexi's diamond, she still had kept quiet. After she even told Bekah that she was wearing a fake ring…for Christ's sake the woman was wearing a fake diamond ring. She was told she was planning to marry a guy who had given her a ring that was intended for someone else entirely, and yet she had still continued with the wedding. Even after all that, Lexi had still kept the truth from her.
Only one reason remained for that.
Lexi knew it…deep down. Even if she hated admitting it to herself, she knew the reason for keeping the secret from a person she despised.
She didn't want them to break up because Jack had cheated with her. She had wanted Jack to break up with Bekah for her. She had wanted to see Bekah's sniveling little face when she realized she had lost…that she had actually lost in her own web of games.
More than ever she wanted to be the reason for the break up on Jack's end, not Bekah's. But now that reason was morphing into something she liked even better. She no longer wanted to see the wedding canceled so she could finally claim Jack for her own.
No.
She wanted it to be canceled so that when Jack came crawling back to her, as he always did, she could tell him no. She could be the one to turn him down. She could be the one to leave him hanging. She could be the one to choose.
Lexi knew that it was sinister to even harbor those thoughts. She knew it was wrong to keep a secret for so long especially one so revealing to Bekah and Jack's relationship, but she couldn't help it. She had done it at first to have Jack for the right reasons, whatever those were, and now she wanted to keep it in hopes that one day she would be able to turn the tables on him.
But how could she explain that to anyone? Clearly Chyna had blurted it out because she was pissed off with Lexi. She hadn't thought of the consequences of revealing that piece of information.
Within a few hours, Jack and Bekah were supposed to be getting married. If she had been in Bekah's position, she would have wanted to know everything about the person she was marrying. But would she ever really want to know this? Could you ever really be prepared for such deceit?
She had been on the wrong end of Jack's cheating before, and she knew what it felt like. She had been depressed for months…years. She hadn't been the same person until she had finally allowed herself to begin to move on. And they hadn't even been officially together…they certainly hadn't been engaged and about to be married. Lexi had no idea what could possibly be going on in Bekah's head at the moment. How could you move on from that moment?