Avoiding Commitment (Avoiding #1)(151)

"Did you forget that this was all your idea in the first place," Lexi asked evading Chyna's last statement.

"Goddamn, chica, I sent you up here to get over the f**king douche bag, not to fall in love with him again."

"Well, I'm not sure I ever stopped loving him."

"You don't know what you're saying," Chyna said shaking her head miserably.

"I know perfectly well what I am saying. I know exactly how I feel about Jack."

"You're acting like a teenager. Pull yourself together. You don't need this guy to feel loved. There are plenty…"

Lexi interrupted, "Oh don't feed me there are plenty of other fish in the sea line."

"But there are," Chyna cried. "Have you not seen the way Ramsey looks at you?"

Lexi rolled her eyes, but her heart was aching at the admission. She couldn't tell Chyna what had happened between them. The news that they had almost slept together would only fuel her passion. And she was stuck with Jack. No matter what he had done or how confused he was. He held her heart, even when it was breaking. "Don't talk to me about Ramsey."

"Well then don't act like Jack is the only person who has ever looked at you like you're a goddess."

"Just because Ramsey feels this way about me doesn't mean it is reciprocated," Lexi cried back.

"Then explain what happened out on the balcony."

Lexi blushed. If Chyna knew the rest of what had happened, she would never hear the end of it. "That was a mistake."

"It didn't look like it."

"I slept with Jack right afterwards. What does that tell you?"

"That you are a very confused person!"

"I'm not confused. I know exactly what I want."

"I didn't want to have to tell you this," Chyna said shaking her head fiercely.

"What?" Lexi asked barely listening to her. All she wanted to do was get this conversation over with and sleep. She had had a very long night and just wanted to get this over with.

"I heard some of Jack's friends talking about him and Bekah," she trailed off.

"And?"

"There are rumors of them getting married."

"Yeah. Isn't that why I'm here in the first place?" Lexi asked dumbfounded as to why Chyna was even bringing this up to her again. She was here to convince Bekah that Jack was ready for commitment. Well she certainly hadn't done that. If anything she had confused him more.

"I know, but I think he's going to do it."

"What?" Lexi questioned staring at her like she was a Martian.

"The guys were talking about planning a bachelor party," Chyna whispered hating that she had to break the news to her.

"It could have been for any of them," she said but she hardly convinced herself. Doubt had crept into her voice.

"I think they were all married," she murmured.

"No." She shook her head and pushed a loose strand of hair behind her ears. Her sleep deprived brain couldn't process what Chyna was saying. Jack couldn't be marrying Bekah. He didn't love her. He didn't feel for her what he felt with Lexi. There was no way this could be happening. "No. No he's not," she said the weakness in her voice evident. She felt as if she had been punched in the gut. She was receiving just enough air to keep her upright.

"What did you say? Alexa, you have to believe me. I'm just looking out for you."

"No. I won't believe it," her voice coming out in a monotone. After all, if it was true, she had no tears left for Jack Howard.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you. I didn't want this to happen to you," Chyna said feeling like the shittiest of shitty friend's right then.

"This cannot be happening to me."

"I'm sorry sweetie," Chyna said moving to her side. "Do you still want to be with him?"

Even after that admission, even after Lexi's first realization that Jack might marry someone else, she still wanted him.

"Is Jack really what you want after everything?" She reached out and grasped Lexi's hand affectionately.

"You don't understand," Lexi said yanking her hand out of her grasp. "You never understood." The feeling of losing Jack overwhelmed her body. The feeling was so familiar, that it could only be associated with him. Her heart felt as if it were being fed through a shredder, and then played back in reverse.

"How could I understand?" Chyna asked vehemently. "Do you even see yourself? You're a wreck. You look exactly the same as last time. You're shutting down and shutting everyone out. You can't let him do this to you every time he comes back into your life. Can't you see that this boy has done a number on you that can never be undone, unless you let him go? You have to just let him go."

"How can I let him go?" she asked her breathing coming out shallow. "How can I let him go if he won't let me?"

"You have to find a way to be strong."

"No, I just can't be sure. I have to go to him and find out what the truth is."

"You think he's going to tell you the truth?" Chyna asked dubiously.

"He damn well better!"

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