At Peace (The 'Burg #2)(53)
“Then you shouldn’t have f**ked it up.”
Her eyes came back to him. “You know ‘ow id was, Joe.”
“Far’s I can see, it’s still that way, Bonnie.”
“I need you to keep me straight.”
“You don’t wanna get straight.”
“Ged straight for you, promise.”
Now that, also familiar, made the pain slash through his gut and he felt his body get tight fighting it.
She’d promised that so many times, it was a f**king joke. He’d bust his balls guiding her off that dark path and the first chance she got she’d veer right back there. In the end she’d had more reason than just Cal to stay clean, all the reason in the world, and she didn’t get that then she killed it.
He felt Violet close in on his back, her hands coming out of his jeans to slide up and her fingers curled around his ribcage at the sides as she pressed herself into his back and held on.
At the feel of her softness pressed to him, the heat of her, suddenly Bonnie vanished, the scene in front of him melted clean away and his mind went completely blank.
She was so close he could smell her hair, a hint of her perfume, could feel her knees brushing his legs. Everything that was Vi was pressed deep into him, soft and strong like she wanted him to absorb both those things from her so he could deal.
He’d never had that, not in his life with his Mom dying when he was eight, his Dad losing it then finding Bonnie and taking on her shit. He’d never had anyone give anything like that to him. He didn’t know what to do with it. Until Violet gave it to him, he’d forgotten he’d had it from his mother, forgotten it even existed.
“Joe, da’lin’ –”
His name coming from Bonnie brought him back into the room.
He cut her off. “I know you’re hammered and probably high but you got any healthy cells in that twisted, f**kin’ brain of yours, you need to fire ‘em up because what I’m gonna say to you needs to sink in. Do not come back. You come back, I call the cops and then I’ll sell this f**kin’ place and disappear.”
“Joe –”
“I do not exist for you. In your world, I stopped existing seventeen years ago.”
“We were made for each other, ev’ryone zed we were,” Bonnie whined.
“They said that in high school, for Christ’s sakes, then you showed them different.”
She winced and Cal ignored it, twisting his neck to look at Violet who, when she felt his movement, tore her gaze from Bonnie and caught his eyes.
“Let me go, baby, I gotta get her outside.”
She nodded, her fingers giving him a squeeze, her body pressing deeper for a second then she stepped away.
“We were made for each other,” Bonnie told him as he advanced on her, grabbed her arm and dragged her to the front door.
When he hit the door, his eyes went to Violet. “I’ll be back soon’s I get her in the taxi.”
“I’ll be here,” Violet replied.
He opened the door and hauled Bonnie out of it. Then he hauled her down the drive to the sidewalk.
He pulled her to a stop and looked down at her. “Your car isn’t gone by noon tomorrow, I’m havin’ it towed.”
“Can’t pay to ged id back.”
“Not my problem.”
She blinked at him then she did it again then he watched the drunkenness clear as something profound and ugly sunk in, bringing with it momentary clarity and she whispered, “You hate me.”
“Yeah,” Cal told her the truth without hesitation, not f**king believing she didn’t already know it to the depth of her bones. “I do. I’ve hated you every f**kin’ day for seventeen f**kin’ years. The memory of you is like acid in my f**kin’ veins.”
He watched her face shift, begin to collapse, her lip trembling. “You loved me once.”
“I don’t now.”
“Joe –” she started but he didn’t let her finish.
“You give a shit about me at all, after all I did for you and all you did to f**k up my life, you give the barest, little, inkling of a shit, you won’t come back. You won’t remind me. You won’t set that acid to workin’ in my veins.”
She stared up at him, her once pretty blue eyes clear in her moment of lucidity then she nodded and awkwardly pulled her arm from his hold. She moved to stand a foot away from him, staring at the street, biting her lips, her body gently swaying like a f**king willow branch caught in a light wind.
Five of the longest f**king minutes in his f**king life slid by before the taxi came. He shoved Bonnie in the backseat, slammed the door, pulled out his wallet, leaned in through the passenger side window and yanked a fifty out, handing it to the driver.
“Take her home, she doesn’t know where home is, take her somewhere safe, a shelter if you know where one is,” Cal ordered.
“Gotcha,” the driver nodded, Cal stepped back and the taxi pulled away.
Cal watched the street long after the car had gone from sight. That acid was still in his veins, he could feel it. It had started pumping the minute he woke up and knew she was back and the only time he didn’t feel it eating at him was when Violet was pressed to his back.
He stood outside a long time, apparently too long because Violet slid into him again, this time pressing up to his front and wrapping her arms all the way around him.