Asa (Marked Men #6)(50)

Everyone was suddenly full of advice. Too bad I was far better at giving it than I was at taking it. My phone vibrated in my hand and my heart tripped a little at her response.

In bed or out?

I couldn’t help the smile that tugged at my mouth. She was just my speed, fast and a little bit wild.

Both.

Count me in. Where are we going?

I had an idea I thought she would like. She was so good, so law-abiding and upstanding all day long, I wanted to see if she liked walking on the dark side just a little bit.

It’s a surprise.

It took a minute but she finally sent back a smiley face and the simple words:

So are you.

It made some of that darkness that always wanted to engulf me not just retreat but vanish altogether.

CHAPTER 12

Royal

I winced as I watched Dominic maneuver himself on his crutches to the seat across from me. He had called, telling me he was going crazy cooped up in his apartment, and asked me to meet him for lunch on my day off. Of course I had told him I would and offered to pick him up since he couldn’t drive with his immobilized leg. When I got to the apartment it was obvious his sister was going just as stir-crazy as Dom was, and she told me that he was extra grumpy because he needed to get laid. Dom had barked at her to be quiet even though it made me laugh. Dom was pretty quiet about his private life, had always kept his interests and sexual preferences close to the vest, but he was beautiful and single, so I’m sure the fact he was laid up and stuck in an apartment with his sisters had put quite a damper on his social life.

Surprisingly, instead of feeling guilty and blaming myself for yet another thing I had ruined in Dom’s life, I just laughed about it with his younger sister, Ari, and hauled my best friend off to get some lunch. Instead of wallowing in blame and regret, I was determined to enjoy spending time with Dom for the first time in too many weeks to count. It looked like my sessions with the department shrink were starting to pay off … well, those and hanging out with Asa. There was something about watching him be eaten alive from the inside out by the mistakes of his past that really made me question how tightly I wanted to hold on to feeling like I had destroyed Dom’s life when my partner clearly didn’t agree that I had. Also, working with Barrett, having him appreciate my contributions to our partnership, had made me realize I really was a good cop with or without Dominic at my back.

He grunted and leaned the crutches up against the chair next to him. I couldn’t get over how much weight he had lost since being injured. He looked like a different person.

“You’re so skinny.”

His green eyes glittered at me in humor. “I know. I don’t think I’ve ever been this thin. Not even in high school.”

We both got water and told the waitress we would need a minute. Dom was watching me thoughtfully and I could tell he was trying to figure out if I was finally doing all right or not.

“You look good. Really good. Your new partner must be taking pretty good care of you.”

I picked up the water and took a sip. I shrugged and pushed some of my hair over my shoulder. “Barrett’s a nice guy, a good cop. I could’ve ended up with someone much worse.”

Dom leaned back in the seat and put his arm across the back of the extra chair. “It wouldn’t matter who you ended up with. You’re great at your job, Royal. You always have been.”

I considered him for a second. “I guess I’m really just starting to understand that about myself. Do you think I just followed you blindly into law enforcement? Do you think I just didn’t know what to do without you, so I convinced myself that I wanted to do it?”

His mouth tightened just a fraction and his dark eyebrows furrowed over his eyes. “What do you think?”

The waitress came back over and looked a little annoyed we hadn’t even cracked open the menu yet. Dom grinned at her and just the flash of his straight white teeth was enough to make her blush and scamper off giggling.

“I think I’m where I’m supposed to be. I might not have gotten there the right way, but it’s a destination I’m happy with now. I don’t know, honestly. I wasn’t sure I could do this job without you when I went back to work, but it turns out I can, and without you to lean on all the time it makes me better at it.”

Something dark moved across his emerald gaze and I realized it sounded like I wasn’t thinking about what would happen when he healed up and returned to the force. I opened my mouth to tell him that of course I couldn’t wait for him to be my partner again, but he held up a hand to silence me and shook his head slowly back and forth.

“Don’t. Just don’t. I don’t want any more platitudes or apologies. We both know that my shoulder is pretty f*cked and I lost a kidney. Plus, with the leg, who knows if I’ll have a limp or not. My future in law enforcement is uncertain and that’s just the way it is. It’s not your fault and I want you to keep doing what you’re doing with or without me. All I’ve ever wanted for you is to succeed and for you to be happy.”

I bit my tongue to stop the automatic apology for having any part in his uncertainty. He knew I loved him and he knew I was sorry. The shrink was right. We had a risky job and the situations could have easily been reversed and I could be the one trying to figure out what was next, and there was no way I would ever hold Dom accountable for that.

“I’m working on both of those things, success and happiness.” Watching Asa struggle all the time really drove home how important it was to find some kind of peace with my life and what was going on in it.