Anathema (Causal Enchantment #1)(67)

The images went on and on, a candid viewing of my transient life until it stopped with the image of me stumbling in front of Newt’s Brew. Watching the scene from Max’s point of view, I saw Sofie’s pricey lantern fall over and smash without ever coming into contact with my leg.

Magic. It had all been staged. A chill swept over me.

But that wasn’t the most unsettling discovery in all of this. “How did I not see you?”

I didn’t want to be seen, Max said matter–of–factly.

Of course. A three hundred pound dog lurking in my apartment and prowling the streets after me, and my Spidey–senses never kicked in. But Eddie, the crazy homeless guy, had seen him.

“How often were you watching me?”

There was a long pause. You were never alone.

The sudden urge to vomit hit me like a tidal wave. I bolted to the washroom. After several minutes of staring at the white porcelain toilet bowl—nothing was coming up, it was just my nerves—I gave up and stumbled back with the awful knowledge that there had been a pair of eyes on me for my entire life, and I had never suspected it.

“Max, show me everything you remember,” I demanded.

I remember everything.

“Okay, the important things.”

I lay down on the bed, my eyes staring at the ceiling without seeing it, getting a play–by–play of my childhood through the eyes of a dog. Some memories were specific, like the Halloween I dressed in a penguin costume—my mother’s favorite animal—and waddled out the front door, only to fall flat on my face and give myself a bloody nose because the costume bound my feet together too tightly. Other images were vague—me, sitting in my room, crying quietly as I clutched a framed picture of my mother. I had done that often in the early days.

Max showed me another flash then, one that didn’t require a replay for me to remember every second. I had just turned thirteen and was at home watching reruns on television, what I normally did while waiting for my mom to get home from work. The doorbell rang. Is your father home? a policeman asked when I opened the door. I shook my head. Do you have any family you can call? I shook my head, frowning, wondering what was going on. The female police officer smiled gently and asked me to wait a second while she called someone on her radio. Child Services showed up not long after, sending me to my room to pack a bag of things.

That was the night Viggo murdered my mother.

The images stopped.

“How are you doing this?” I asked Max.

I just can.

“Show me more, then. Show me everything.”

He obliged.

Me, studying alone in the library for hours. Me, alone and leaning against a chain link fence after school, reading a book as all the other kids hung out together. Me, alone in a park, swinging so high that I looked ready to sail off. Me, always alone.

Bitterness swelled. Of course I was alone. Viggo had made sure of it. What would my life have been like without this blasted curse?

I stared vacantly at Sofie as she walked into the room, another mountain bag slung over one shoulder as if it were filled with cotton balls.

She has your best interests at heart, Max said.

“How do you know that?” I answered.

Sofie looked up at me, frowning. I shook my head dismissively. “Oh.” She smiled, glancing over at the dog sprawled on the king–sized bed. “Ready to go? It’s time to strap you in.”

With everything that had transpired—the attack, learning the devastating truth about my mother and my life—I hadn’t had a second to think about Ratheus … about Caden’s rejection. It seemed so trivial now, yet my stomach tightened all the same, a wave of nausea draining my face of blood.

But, in the end, it wasn’t trivial. Hope that Caden might feel something for me, that I could save him and the others from their isolation, was all I had left. I had lost everything else because of this curse. Something good had to come of it.

Was there something more than friendship there? His words had been so contradictory. Was I reading too much into them, hearing what I wanted to hear—what I needed to hear? There had to be some twisted reason that had brought him—a sweet, kind, gorgeous, down–to–earth creature—together with the anti–Christ, Rachel.

I dragged myself off the bed to sit in front of the bag.

“Great,” Sofie said cheerfully, affixing the straps.

I frowned at her. She was way too cheery.

Viggo’s listening, Max said. They think she’s keeping secrets from them. They don’t trust her.

“Wonder why,” I grumbled. Sofie glanced up, shushing me with her finger.

Sofie wants me to tell you to stay put. Don’t go looking for the portal.

“But what if—” Sofie’s hand clamped over my mouth, accompanied by a severe glare of caution.

You’ll never find it and you’ll just be putting yourself in danger. It will find you.

My mouth opened to speak but snapped shut when Sofie’s mint eyes flashed with another stern warning. Did that mean she knew where it was? I nodded once, my eyes darting suspiciously between the two of them. Did Sofie ask Max to relay the message earlier, or could they also communicate? I was dying to ask, but I couldn’t. I’d ask Max later. I had something more important to ask.

“Sofie?” I said, hesitant. “Do you think there’s any way I can bring more than one of them back?”