All These Things I've Done (Birthright #1)(48)

‘Sometimes I think you go around leaving your hat everywhere on purpose,’ I grumbled.

He stacked the last of the chairs. ‘Now, Anya, why would you think that?’

I didn’t answer. Win walked over to me. He held out his palm. In the middle of it was a single black sequin from the dress Scarlet had lent me. ‘You lost this,’ he said.

I giggled, slightly embarrassed to be leaving bits of myself behind. ‘I’m shedding.’

‘I did abandon my hat on purpose,’ he admitted. ‘It’s hard to ever get you alone, and there’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you . . .’ And then he invited me to the Fall Formal. ‘I know, it’s kind of childish, but, well, I have to go. I’m the entertainment. Me and these guys are playing music, so . . .’

‘Guys playing music? You mean, you’re in a band?’ I asked.

‘No, we’re not a band yet. Just a couple of guys come together for the purpose of entertaining at the Holy Trinity Fall Formal. I hate when people have been together, like, two minutes and they’re all, We’re a band!’ This was said incredibly quickly and with a great deal of gesturing. I guess he was nervous. He took his hat off his head, as if to give his hands something to do. ‘So, yes, I’m definitely going. With or without you,’ he said. ‘But I’d rather it be with.’ He smiled at me, and his blue eyes went soft and shy. Had I been a different kind of girl with a different kind of life, I would have maybe kissed him right there.

‘So, Anya, what do you say?’

‘No,’ I replied firmly.

‘OK,’ he said, putting his hat back on his head. ‘Just so I know, is it the dance or is it me?’

‘Does it matter?’ I asked.

‘Yes, because if you don’t like me, I’ll stop bothering you,’ Win said. ‘I’m not the type of person to linger where I’m unwanted.’

I considered this question. If I was very honest with myself, I didn’t want him to stop bothering me and yet it was the only sensible solution. ‘It’s not you,’ I lied. ‘I just don’t think with Arsley in the hospital and how complex my personal life is, I should be seeing anyone at the moment. Triage, you know?’

‘I understand, but that sounds like bull,’ he said. Then Win left, making sure to take his hat with him this time.

In that moment, I liked Win more than I ever had before. I appreciated that when something sounded like bull, he said so.

I let myself feel good and sorry for myself, but only for a second. Daddy always said that the most useless of all human emotions was self-pity.

On Monday, Win was cordial with me in FS II, but he didn’t sit with us at lunch. Instead, he ate with some of the guys who were not technically a band. Scarlet asked me if anything had happened between me and Win, so I told her.

‘What’s wrong with you?’ she asked, her voice surprisingly angry.

‘Nothing,’ I said. ‘Maybe it’s not that great an idea for me to have a boyfriend right now. Gable is still in the hospital, you know.’

‘What does Gable have to do with anything? You’ve been flirting shamelessly with Win ever since school started!’

‘That’s not true!’

Scarlet rolled her eyes. ‘I, on purpose and very selflessly I might add, stopped going for Win because I thought my very best friend was in love with him.’

‘It isn’t a good time, Scarlet.’

Scarlet shook her head. ‘I don’t understand you at all.’ She concentrated on eating her lasagne (again!) and so I did the same.

‘What’s so great about being in a couple anyway?’ I demanded of Scarlet. ‘Get your own boyfriend if you think they’re so important.’

‘That was mean,’ she said. Scarlet shook her head at me, and I immediately regretted the second half of my comment. Even though Scarlet was beautiful and loyal, she was also considered slightly odd and, consequently, she rarely got asked out. Nana, when she was still herself, used to say that Scarlet was one of those girls who would be far more appreciated when she was older.

‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘Scarlet, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it.’

Scarlet didn’t reply. She picked up her tray and left me to eat alone.

All through play rehearsal that afternoon, Scarlet wouldn’t speak to me and she didn’t wait for me at the end of rehearsal either. I hated it that I had hurt Scarlet’s feelings so I stopped by her apartment on the way home from school to apologize again. Scarlet lived on the top floor of a six-storey walk-up. It was quite a climb, which was why we usually hung out at my house, where the elevator was mostly reliable.

‘Apology accepted,’ Scarlet said. ‘I decided I’d probably overreacted once I got to the hallway, but by then I’d already stormed off and it seemed embarrassing to storm back. By the way, it’s not that everyone has to be in a couple! You clearly like Win, and he clearly likes you. It’s simple, or it should be.’

I looked at Scarlet. ‘Nothing is simple.’

‘Then explain,’ she said. ‘Please explain.’

‘All right,’ I said. ‘But you have to promise never to repeat this to anyone. Not to Natty. And especially not to Win.’ Scarlet promised, so I told her what Charles Delacroix had said to me about how no son of his could ever date a girl like me.