All Summer Long (Fool's Gold #9)(90)

Dominique squeezed her hand. “I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know what happened. I thought we were doing fine, but then this morning, he ended things. He said he didn’t want us to be together anymore. That it was over.” More tears fell. “I don’t know w-why.”

Charlie fought the sobs, but they won. She bent at the waist, clutching her arms around her middle, trying to hold in what was left of her heart.

“I loved him, Mom. I loved him so much.”

Dominique reached for her and held her tight. She didn’t offer reassurances or say anything stupid like “you’ll be fine.” Instead she simply offered physical comfort without judgment.

Eventually Charlie was able to catch her breath and straighten.

“It’s my fault,” she whispered. “Not whatever went wrong. I have no idea about that. But loving him. He was too good to be true, you know? Too perfect.”

“It’s never wrong to love someone,” her mother said. “You’re a wonderful woman. He was lucky to have you and a complete jackass for letting you go.”

The unexpected words made Charlie smile through her tears. “Thanks. That’s so nice.”

“You’re welcome and I’m right. Ask anyone.”

“Not Clay.”

“Why would you want the opinion of a jackass?”

“Good point.” Charlie blew her nose. “I have to tell you something and I need you not to judge me. Okay?”

Dominique nodded. “I promise.”

Oddly, Charlie felt as if she could trust her. “Clay and I weren’t dating at the beginning. After the rape, I couldn’t imagine being with a man. I dated some, but I could never bring myself to be intimate. It was easier to avoid men, so I did.”

Charlie talked about how she’d decided she wanted to have a child and that her friend, Dakota, had suggested Charlie needed to heal herself first. That to be the best mother she could, she would need to be whole. While therapy was an option, Charlie wasn’t that patient and she’d decided to find a guy to help her get over her fear of physical intimacy. She’d chosen Clay.

“I’m impressed you had the courage,” her mother told her. “Continuing to hide would have been much easier.”

“Tell me about it,” Charlie said. She drew in a breath and gave a brief recap of her physical relationship with Clay.

“Once he got me, um, back to normal, I thought it was going to be over. But he said he wanted us to continue to see each other. Like we were dating. I believed everything was fine until this morning. When he told me...”

The raw agony returned, as did the tears. She tried to steady her breathing without breaking down and was nearly successful. Once again her tiny mother held her as if she would never let go.

“It hurts,” Charlie whispered. “It hurts so much.”

“I know,” Dominique said quietly.

They hung on to each other. Charlie tried to calm herself. To accept that this level of pain was her new normal. Others had survived much worse. Didn’t everyone have to get over a broken heart?

But rational thought didn’t help and she was left with the knowledge that she might love Clay forever. Much as her mother had loved her father over a decade after his death.

“I could have Justice hurt him,” Dominique offered.

“Who?”

“Justice. The bodyguard I hired. I have his number. I could call him and have him take care of Clay.”

Charlie managed to slow the tears enough to smile. “That’s great, Mom, but I’ll pass.”

“It might make you feel better.”

“If beating up Clay was going to help, I’d want to do it myself.”

Only she couldn’t imagine wanting to do anything but hold him. To be close to him again, feeling his body against hers.

It wasn’t just that, she realized. She wanted to talk to him. Hear his voice, laugh at his jokes.

“He has a really good sense of humor, you know,” she said, her voice slightly strangled. “When we were first talking about having sex he teased me about the photos I’d seen of him. He said they’d enhanced his ‘package.’ He’s like that. He can make fun of himself. But when the conversation is serious, he’s totally there. He cares so much, about his family, about...”

About Diane, she thought sadly.  The woman he loved. Was that what had happened? Had he guessed her feelings and been upset by them? There had been a tacit understanding between them. They were dating, but not supposed to get serious.

“He knew,” she said slowly. “He figured out I fell in love with him. That’s why he left.”

Dominique cupped Charlie’s face in her hands. “Don’t be ridiculous. That’s a stupid reason for Clay to leave. Besides, if he’s all that you claim, and he thought you were in love with him, he would have been a whole lot more gentle about how he left. If you ask me, whatever is going on is happening in his head alone. Maybe he has started to care about you and is feeling guilty. Maybe he’s actually a bastard and this is what he does. Whatever it is, you are not to blame. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Whether or not they were the truth, the words felt good, Charlie thought. Supportive.

“Thanks, Mom,” she said.

“You’re welcome. Now wait right here. I want to get you something.”