A Shade of Vampire (A Shade of Vampire #1)(30)

“I’m sorry...I…I can’t.”

I was expecting him to ask why or assert himself and insist.

Instead, he just nodded and looked away from me. “I understand.”

For some reason, that irritated me. How could he understand when I myself didn’t? I realized then how much it irked me that he could see me as so soft and fragile. It made me feel weak, but it didn’t change the fact that I wasn’t ready for that kiss. That night, just before I could escape to peaceful slumber, I realized why. It was because I was certain that if I ever gave in to him in that way, if I surrendered to that kiss, I wouldn’t be able to keep myself from falling for him. If I ever allowed myself to fall in love with Derek Novak, I was certain that I would forever be a captive of the Blood Shade.

CHAPTER 22: DEREK

That moment in the Sun Room haunted me as I watched her sleep beside me. She backed away when I tried to kiss her. Had it been any other woman, I wouldn’t have hesitated to force my way to get that kiss anyway. But it was Sofia. She wasn’t just any woman.

I wanted her to want me, but after all she’d seen, after everything she’d been through, I couldn’t blame her for shying away from me. I understood, but it didn’t change how painful it felt.

She shifted on the bed, her blanket getting tossed to her side, showing a generous amount of skin on her soft legs. My gut clenched and I swallowed hard. Nights with Sofia were practically torture. To have her there, beautiful and so damn close to me, always reminded me of how much I wanted her. Her night wear would almost always get displaced and show her neck and shoulders, practically begging me to take a bite.

I rose from the bed, unsure of myself and what I was feeling for her. It made me sick to think about the danger she was facing. Gwen’s murderer still hadn’t been found, though in my gut, I knew who it was. I just couldn’t bear to admit it. The familiar sick feeling settled inside my stomach as I walked toward the large windows leading to the balcony that overlooked the Pavilion’s magnificent view. The night was as black as a crow, no trace of the moon’s rays anywhere. I felt as dark as that night.

I remembered seeing Lucas earlier that day whispering something in Sofia’s ear. I noticed how her entire body tensed and how she was obviously attempting to hold back her anger. I didn’t do anything about it. I pretended as if I didn’t see anything.

When Sofia approached me, she acted the same way I did. Like nothing just happened. She smiled and held my hand. She told me she had a surprise for me. Her fiery red hair and her radiant smile reminded me of sunshine more than the sun room ever could.

“Derek?” Sofia purred from behind me. “Do you ever sleep?”

I shook my head as I turned around. “Not as much as you do.” I caught my breath at how stunning she looked with those deep green eyes of hers set on me. I felt like a boy talking to his first crush for the first time. Sofia always managed to make me feel quite unhinged.

As I approached her, a pensive expression replaced the smile on her face. I sat over the edge of the bed and rubbed a hand over her hip.

“Hey… something wrong?”

She placed her hand over mine, brushing her delicate fingers over my skin. The motion sent chills running through my body. Our eyes met and for a moment, nothing else mattered other than to have her there with me. I realized at that moment that I couldn’t even think of a life without her. I felt selfish and guilty for keeping her there, even when her life was in danger, but I reasoned to myself that there was no other way.

“What’s on your mind, Derek?” she whispered.

“You…” I saw no reason to lie “…how I can’t imagine life without you.”

She sat up on the bed and brushed her hand over my neck. There was no tension, no apprehension between either one of us. We remained guarded when around others, but once alone, there was a familiarity, a rhythm, almost a dance between us. It was one of the reasons she made me feel so… known.

“I don’t know if this means anything to you,” she began to say, and then hesitated as if she were trying to weigh her words very carefully.

I inwardly scoffed at her statement. It was rare for any word coming from those sweet lips of hers not to mean something to me.

“What?” I coaxed her.

I doubted she could’ve possibly known how moved I was by what she said next.

“From the moment I got here, all I’ve wanted to do was escape and go back home, but Derek…” she placed a gentle kiss over my cheek “…you’ve begun to feel like home.”

Home.

The word and all the sensations it lent me the moment it escaped her lips were still circling my mind the next morning as I sat on the living room couch, my eyes glued to one of the members of the Elite – Claudia, a capricious and vain female vampire who managed to convince my father and brother that she had our family’s best interests at heart.

I still wasn’t sure about her true motives. Before my sleep, she made more than one attempt to foster a relationship with me. I found her very presence, beautiful as she is, repugnant. Still, she requested my audience and I had no reason to deny her that request. I could barely hear what she was saying – meaningless pleasantries that meant nothing to me, because my mind was still so wrapped up in what Sofia had implied last night.

Did she mean that I was the reason she would want to remain here at the Shade?