A New Hope (Thunder Point #8)(43)

He wanted to fall into Ginger and drown in her. She was going to let him. And now she was getting her own place. Where they would be alone.

It was dark and he didn’t have the radio on, so he tried interviewing himself to see if he could figure out what was happening to him. Was he over Natalie? Most definitely. He might still find her beautiful but he didn’t want her back. So then, what was the problem? Well, he thought he’d known Natalie. He had trusted her, more or less. What had he failed to see? He had known she wasn’t perfect, and that was okay with him because he wasn’t perfect, either, and damn, she seemed good enough for him. So she wasn’t into the farm. He thought he’d been okay with that, but what if he wasn’t? What if he’d secretly expected her to come around? So she wanted to have more fun? Didn’t wives always want a little more than what they were getting? There wasn’t any Achilles’ heel he couldn’t live with, or so he’d thought. He’d had no illusions—she wasn’t going to wear overalls and rubber boots and dig in the ground. Ever. She would never share his passion. But he might’ve thought she’d eventually develop a grudging respect for it. He knew his brothers looked at him with a combination of envy and amusement. Natalie wasn’t practical or earthy, but she was gorgeous and laughed at his jokes. She would always wear sexy, inconvenient clothes and ridiculous high heels. And the most amazing underwear...and when she wrapped those long legs around him, he’d leave the earth for a while.

Of course he now realized you can’t build a real relationship on hot underwear and sexual abandon. There had to be more. A lot more.

He was falling in love with something more—a woman he could really talk to, a woman with values that matched more closely to his own, a woman who wanted a family. A quiet, gentle, loving woman with an inner strength so powerful it humbled him; a woman he respected. Admired. A woman who turned him on, made him so hot he wondered if he’d snap! He realized he was terrified of that, with good reason. Once he fell into Ginger and experienced her, he was not going to be able to go back. Ginger wanted a stable home life, a solid man to lean on, a grounded future. He wanted to be that man.

What if he was getting all the wrong signals? Again? She seemed so transparent, but...

It was pretty easy to look back at his brief marriage and realize Natalie hadn’t really surprised him that much. She wasn’t much of a giver, that Natalie. She might’ve done some selfish things that shocked him but when he looked back, they shouldn’t have. He should’ve seen it coming. She was focused on herself, her needs. He always knew it was all about Natalie being happy, being entertained, being satisfied, having lots of attention heaped on her.

And there was the problem. When he fell for a woman all the blood drained from his brain and his eyes glazed over. He stopped thinking logically. He stopped being pragmatic.

What if he let go, let himself fall for Ginger? And what if it was a big mistake? What if there were some other things he couldn’t see right now, lurking, that would keep them from having a successful long-term relationship? Like? Oh, hell, he didn’t know. If he knew, he could check them out, examine them. Sometimes these things sneaked up on you.

He was going to have to be still and quiet for a little while. It would be a good time to dig, aerate, fertilize, trim and prune. He should be by himself and spend some time in his head. Thinking of all the possibilities, because Ginger was getting her own place. With a door that closed. With a bed in it.

If he was wrong about a woman he felt that strongly for again, it was going to be ugly.

* * *

Ginger hoped Matt had stayed over at his sister’s house Saturday night and would call her on Sunday. She hoped he had because it had been far too late by the time he could have begun his four-hour drive north. But her phone didn’t ring.

So she told herself a different story—he’d gotten up early and headed back to the farm, got caught up in the after-church family circus with twenty people at the table. So later, he would call her later.

She stayed busy, longing to talk to him. They’d just had that romance at the lookout, the kissing, the whispering, and she wanted to hear him talk about it. He was gentle but there was such a power there; she could feel the tension in his arms, his body, as he was reining it in, keeping all those runaway emotions under control.

She walked the beach in the early afternoon. She stopped off at Cooper’s bar, which was hopping because it was a sunny Sunday. Even Troy was working, getting out kayaks and paddleboards for rent.

“I can’t believe you’re working,” she said. “You just got married last night!”

“I know, but I was up early. We had a great breakfast with the family and now they’re all headed home. Grace is exhausted and she’s taking a nap. I think we wore out Winnie, too. The only person with energy to spare is Mikhail—he’s looking for things to do. Last I saw him, he was headed into town on foot, determined to look around.”

“You should be with Grace,” she said.

“Shh, don’t tell, but I got restless. I don’t want a nap. I’m going to go over to the loft in a little while and clean it up for you. You do want it, right?”

“I do,” she said excitedly. “I’ve only been in it a couple of times. Can I go, too? Help?”

“Sure,” he said with a shrug. “I’m going to give Cooper a couple more hours. Should I call you?”