A Need So Beautiful (A Need So Beautiful #1)(64)

“I told you I’m not going with you,” I say. “I’m ready for the light.” And I mean it. There’s nothing here for me anymore.

Onika smiles and I can see how beautiful she must have been. Stunning. “You really proved yourself to me. I’m impressed. I bet Monroe said he was proud.”

I freeze at her words, at how she knows things.

“You asked me once if I knew how to stop this. Do you still want to know?”

“Yes,” I answer automatically. I know it’s stupid, but I have to hear her out. I’m about to jump off a freaking bridge, I should know all of my options.

“Back when I was like you,” she says. “Back when I was weak, a Shadow came to me. He was gorgeous. Sexy. He told me I didn’t have to leave, and that if I stayed with him, I could keep my old life. But I’m not going to lie to you. It was a hard choice.”

I watch her but I can’t tell whether she’s telling the truth or not. Monroe said not to trust her. I know I shouldn’t trust her.

“You see,” she continues. “I was in love. Me and Monroe Swift, we were pretty hot and heavy in those days. He must have told you how much he loved me, right?”

“He called you a beast.”

Her delicate jaw tightens and I see a flash of anger behind her icy blue stare. Then she laughs as if I were only making a joke. “Tsk, tsk. The things he says now. Anyway, I nearly didn’t go. I was at one of my compulsions—wait, what do you call it?”

“The Need.”

“That’s catchy. I was at one of my Needs when Rodney showed up, offered me eternal life. Power. The absence of pain and loss. All I had to do was stay out of the light.”

“And now you’re a hideous monster,” I say. “Nice trade-off.”

She narrows her eyes. “What a mouth on you. My mother would have called you a telka.” Her Russian accent comes out thick. “Of course, from what I’ve seen, you’re nothing at all like a prostitute. But to my mother any woman with a big mouth was a whore.”

Her tone is venomous and I find myself backing against the railing to move away from her. The corner of her lip curves up. “I stayed for Monroe,” she says before turning to put her hands on the railing, hopping up in a graceful, inhuman way. She doesn’t need to hold on—she’s balancing even in her high-heeled boots. “Come up here, Charlotte,” she beckons, wagging her finger at me.

“Hell no.”

“It’s okay. You’ve seen it. You know you should.”

The Need pushes me, almost like a shove in the back and I’m climbing, holding on to the cables next to me for support once I’m standing. The wind is blowing against me and I look back over my shoulder, terrified that I’ll fall.

“Don’t worry,” Onika says nonchalantly. “I’ll take care of you.”

“I don’t want your help!”

And suddenly there’s a ripping in my chest, like a dagger has been stabbed through it. I groan and nearly lose my balance, but I hold on through the pain.

“I can make that stop,” she says. “If you want, of course.”

I look sideways at her. What happens if I say yes? Another pain assaults my back and I scream out. “Okay,” I say. “Make it stop. I can’t take it.”

She closes her eyes and when she opens them, my body is filled with euphoria. Relief. The most incredible sense of calm I’ve ever had. I exhale, my head rolling to one side. It’s like the best drug in the world.

“You can feel like this all the time, you know? I can make that happen.”

I gaze lazily over to her, barely hearing the clap of thunder overhead. “How?” I murmur.

Just then, a flat splatter of rain lands on my glove as it holds the cable. I look toward it as another one falls.

“It’s easy,” Onika says. “Easier than this.” I glance over to her, slowly coming back to my senses. She smiles. “You just step down off this railing and we’ll leave. You and me.”

“Sounds too easy,” I say. There is a feeling in my gut, beneath this drug I’m on. It’s like the Need is still there, only hidden. Like she’s blocking it. “Is that what happened with your Shadow?” I ask. “You went off with him to become this?”

She laughs. “Oh, I killed that bastard long ago. He wasn’t being straight with me, not like I am with you. And besides, I’m stronger than he ever was. And you, my dear, are like me.”

“I’m not.”

“Would you give it all up for Harlin? If you could still have a future with him, wouldn’t you?”

“But how? If I’m immortal, don’t you think he’d notice? Don’t you think he’d notice my skin?”

Onika rolls her eyes. “Which is why we have powers. You show people whatever you want them to see. You can even control the weather.” She laughs. “Personally I chose not to stick around, not when Monroe became adamant about sending me into the light. He was just using me. Like he’s using you now.”

“I won’t do it,” I say, desperately missing Harlin now that she’s mentioned him. Now that it’s almost over.

Onika grins. “I think you’ll change your mind.”

And then from the other side of the bridge I see two figures running toward me. I squint, but when they get closer, I feel my heart leap. Sarah and Mercy. “What? What’s happening?”