A Castle of Sand (A Shade of Vampire #3)(9)

I scoffed at this notion. “Really? Against you? Please…vampire or not, you can still easily overpower me. Rip my heart out. Break me like a twig.”

“That’s what my father did to one of his slaves…broke her neck like a twig. Right in front of me. He didn’t even blink an eye.” The torn expression on his face moved me.

“Do you know what he told me after?” His gaze was still distant, his eyes refusing to meet mine. “He blames me for what he has become. He told me that it was me who made him this way.”

“Your father may be many things, Derek, but he certainly doesn’t have the right to play the part of a victim.” I grabbed both his hands and began pulling them away from my body. “Get your hands off me.”

He obliged and laid his palms on the couch. Part of me wanted to get off his lap and position myself on the far end of the couch—away from him, but I needed to see his face and look into his eyes. It frustrated me that he still refused to look at me.

“Let me turn you.” His statement was half a command, half a request.

“No.”

“If you want to be with me, why won’t you agree to this? If you still think that someone like me is capable of good, then why not become like me?”

I leaned my forehead against his as I weighed my words carefully, trying to understand my own trail of thought even as I responded to his question. “Because I’m not as strong as you are, Derek. If I had to go through everything you’ve had to go through, I don’t think I’d be able to take it. It would destroy me.”

“You’re wrong.”

“I can’t risk losing myself that way.” I gazed at his face, wishing he would just look at me. He didn’t. He kept his eyes on a distant area behind my left shoulder. Annoyed, I grabbed his jaw and made him face me. “Look at me,” I hissed, my grip over his chin tightening.

When his eyes settled on me, the sorrow behind them rendered me speechless.

“I’m looking,” he stated, a muscle in his cheek twitching as he fought to keep his gaze upon me.

I kissed him on the lips. Gentle. Soft. Caressing. “I’m useless to you as a vampire, Derek. This is what we have right now. It may be temporary, but it’s beautiful. Can we not just relish it while it’s ours?”

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“You won’t. I’ll always be yours. Always.”

One look in his eyes and I knew that he wasn’t convinced. He was still looking at me as if I were about to slip right through his fingers. I wanted to assure him, but I didn’t know how to. Perhaps it was time that he too should accept that we would someday have to let go of what we had. The idea made me ache inside, but it was reality. It was how things were meant to be.

Still, I meant it when I said that I was always going to be his, because I knew without a doubt that I could never love another man the way I loved Derek Novak.

CHAPTER 6: DEREK

“I’ve decided that I want to become a vampire.”

My jaw dropped. None of us saw it coming. After Sofia and I got back from the lighthouse, we gathered the girls around the living room, with Sam and Kyle joining the bunch. I told them what was about to happen and explained the choices they had. I expected all of them to follow after Sofia’s decision and live in The Catacombs, so I was completely shocked when the person I least expected announced that she would rather get turned.

I squinted an eye at Ashley. “You? A vampire?”

“Yes. Got a problem with that?”

“You do realize that if I turn you, you become Ashley Novak…”

“I said that I’d rather become a vampire. I never said anything about you turning me.”

I sighed with relief. “Thank the heavens then. I wouldn’t know what I’d do having to take care of a drama queen like you.”

Sofia interrupted before Ashley could respond. “Well, who exactly do you want to turn you?”

She shrugged before pointing at Kyle. “Him.”

Even he looked surprised. “Me?” Kyle squeaked.

I tried to hold back my laughter over the shocked expression on his face. “May all the powers that be have mercy on you, man.”

Ashley stuck her tongue out at me.

“You’re not against this, Derek?” Sofia asked.

“No.” I shook my head. “Ashley can do whatever she wants.”

Her lower lip twitched and she quickly bit on it. She began nodding. “Okay then. I guess we have our decision.”

“Wait…” Paige spoke out of nowhere, throwing her hands in the air. Her eyes narrowed. “If I remember correctly, the night we were abducted was the night of Sofia’s seventeenth birthday.” She eyed Sofia. “Wasn’t it?”

My eyes widened in surprise. Realizing that I hadn’t even bothered to ask about her birthday was a sock in the gut. There she was going out of her way to give me a birthday, which I enjoyed without the slightest thought of her own special day.

I stared at her as she blushed and nodded—almost as if she was embarrassed that she had a birthday. At that moment, I realized how selfish I’d been with her.

My father was right. How could I criticize him when I’m here using the woman I love just like I did all the other women that came before her? The guilt that settled on my chest was making it hard to breathe. I grabbed her hand and the words “I’m sorry” came out of my lips in a husky whisper. Six pairs of inquisitive eyes shot toward me in question. My grip on Sofia’s hand tightened.