A Castle of Sand (A Shade of Vampire #3)(32)

My suggestion seemed to go way over her head. “Why would your father do this?”

“We don’t stand on the same ground when it comes to these things, but after I found out, I went to the dome and found them having a council meeting. I made sure that there would be no more abductions from here on out.”

Sofia sighed with relief as she brushed both hands against her auburn hair. “Still…those poor girls…”

That was a hard blow to my gut. Of course she feels sorry for them…they have to live through what she lived through under my hand. I caught myself before sinking any further into my wallowing. Since when did you become such a dismal sap, Novak?

She must’ve noticed the look on my face. “Thank you for putting a stop to the abductions.”

I forced a smile, but I swallowed hard at what I was to say next. “Not having abductions may mean something worse…”

The color from her face drained away and I could sense that she already had an idea of what I was about to say.

“They’re discussing another culling.”

“Oh dear heavens…” She gasped, clamping a palm over her mouth as she furiously shook her head. “No….no! Derek, no…you have to do something. There’s got to be something you can do…”

How was I going to tell her that it was me who originally proposed the possibility of another culling? “I don’t know if there’s anything I can do about this, Sofia…if I could…”

“You’re Derek Novak! Of course there’s something you can do!”

“My father is king, Sofia.” I hated giving out that reason, because after what just happened, it was clear to me and every other member of the Elite that my father’s position meant nothing when held against me. “Standing against this would mean civil war. We do need to survive, Sofia. We need human blood.”

“I can’t believe I’m hearing this. Are you actually defending the need for a culling, Derek? Seriously? Don’t give me that reason, Derek. You don’t need human blood. You crave and prefer human blood. There are plenty of beasts in this island for you vampires to feed on. I was just at the farm! There’s an abundance of animal blood coming from the livestock there…” Desperation marred her beautiful face. “Derek, there’s got to be something you can do to stop this.”

“Do you fully understand what you’re talking about, Sofia? Going against this would mean me waging outright war on my own father.”

Sofia was unmoved. Calming down and giving me the sternest look I’d ever seen coming from her—or any teenager for that matter—she made her stand clear. “A culling is a cold massacre. It is wrong and you know it. I will fight tooth and nail against this, Derek Novak.”

I knew that she meant every word and that she would stand true to them. I hated the thought that began eating at me at that point. Could the blood that had to be shed be Sofia’s?

CHAPTER 20: BEN

This isn’t right.

I stared at Zinnia’s sleeping form on the bed next to mine. The guilt was killing me. What’s wrong with you, Hudson? It’s not like you haven’t had girls in your bed before…

I turned to my side, wanting to rip my brains out if it would help me get some sleep. I knew, however, that sleep would provide me no escape. Ever since my first mission, sleep either eluded me or attacked me with an onslaught of nightmares. Sofia, Vivienne and the first vampire I killed haunted my dreams and my every waking moment.

All it took was one mission for me to realize that Sofia had been right all along. Vengeance wasn’t the answer. Killing a vampire was nothing like Zinnia told me it would be. There was no sense of satisfaction or glee. In its place, there was just this aching guilt, knowing that a life had been taken by my own hands—a life that, for all I knew, could’ve been entirely innocent.

I wondered then if Vivienne was innocent. Sofia, after all, had once called the princess of The Shade her friend.

Since we returned to the headquarters after the mission, I began comparing everyone around me to Sofia—especially Zinnia. I realized then that Sofia was nothing like Zinnia or the hunters—and neither was I. I felt like I was surrounded by remorseless people who’d totally lost hold of their consciences. I longed for more of Sofia’s compassion and gentleness. I missed my best friend badly and no matter what I did to try and fill the void that she used to occupy, nothing worked.

This was my lowest point. I actually slept with Zinnia just to forget Sofia, only to miss my dear Rose Red even more.

Is he taking care of you, Sofia? Did I get it all wrong?

These same thoughts plagued me the next day when Reuben called Zinnia and me to discuss if there was any progress in finding The Shade.

“Ben, are you listening to me?” Reuben demanded.

I blinked my eyes several times and shook my head. “I’m sorry. I barely got a wink of sleep. Nightmares.”

Reuben and Zinnia gave me worried glances, but shrugged it off quickly. It was easy to surmise early on that hunters weren’t very sentimental people. They just really wanted to finish what had to be done.

“Pay attention, Ben. You’re too much of an asset not to understand what’s going on.” Reuben sounded impatient.

I couldn’t help but wince at the mention of me being an asset. It was on the mission that they realized how valuable I was to them. After I killed my first vampire, another attacked me, clawing through my back. I didn’t feel a thing. I went through that entire mission, back bleeding, without once feeling the pain. That’s how damaged I was by the torment Claudia put me through at The Shade. That’s how callous my body had become. I managed to fool myself for a while that I was just as callous inside as I was outside. I was wrong. I wondered if I had fooled Sofia too.