A Blaze of Sun (A Shade of Vampire #5)(59)

My father was furious and I knew that if I failed in this mission, I was never going to get back into his good graces. If Derek doesn’t fall in love with me, it will literally be the end of me.

“Ingrid is dead, and with her passing, I’ve lost control of my eyes in The Shade. I do know that they are very close to finding the cure. If they find it, it will be the end of us. I swear, Emilia, even if you are my daughter, if you fail to find a way to stop this, I will end you myself.”

My gut clenched. That only meant the one thing that mattered to me. It meant that Ingrid had failed to kill Sofia. I knew that his going after Ingrid was an act of desperation. His threat to end Aiden should Ingrid fail to kill Sofia was the biggest bluff I’d ever heard him speak. I knew he couldn’t kill Aiden the way he ended Gregor. Aiden wasn’t given over to his darkness – even more so now that he was being influenced by his daughter.

I had no idea what kind of a relationship Aiden had with Sofia, but I couldn’t help but find myself jealous of what she had with him. She had a father.

I blinked my eyes several times, hoping to catch a glimpse of the Elder, supposedly my father. Of course, same as before, I never saw him with my own eyes. He was always just a shadow, a voice, veiled by darkness, a fearsome presence, a cruel master. I couldn’t help but wonder why I allowed myself to give in to his demands, to be part of a family who threatened punishment at every mistake, brothers and sisters who would betray me and stab me in the back the first chance they get.

Why did I do this to myself? Why did I allow Cora to ever turn into Emilia? Then I remembered…

I stared at Derek’s sleeping form, my heart breaking when he had left me. He decided to abandon me. I loved him and I hoped for so long that he would one day return my love but he gave himself into the darkness and then when all was said and done, he found that he couldn’t live with himself so he came to me… the woman who would give anything on his behalf and he asked of me something that he knew would kill me to give him. He practically asked me to end his immortality, to give him an escape from his own conscience.

“Eternal sleep is the equivalent of death, Derek,” I told him, hoping that I wouldn’t choke on my words.

“I’ve lived more than a hundred years, Cora. I don’t mind dying…”

“Then why don’t you just ask me to kill you?”

“Would you?”

I drew a breath as I stared up into his stunning blue eyes, so taken by his handsome face and masculine features. He already knew the answer to his question. I wouldn’t be able to do it even if I wanted to.

Despite my reservations, I pulled myself closer to him and crooned my neck up in order to put a kiss on his lips. I loved him and I knew that he knew this. I wanted him to respond. I wanted him to think about what we could be together. We’d already done so much in The Shade as a duo. I knew that we had a lot more to accomplish and that we could be great together and I couldn’t understand why he didn’t see that.

It tore me apart when he broke away from the kiss and shook his head.

“You are too good for me, Cora. There’s so much goodness in you and there’s so much darkness in me. That’s what keeps us apart.”

I wanted to object. I wanted to tell him that I saw goodness in him, but all I had to do was remind myself of all the things I’d seen him do under the control of darkness. Even I couldn’t understand why I was still so enamored by him. Then it happened. Something clicked in me and I just stopped desiring to be good.

If goodness is the only thing that’s keeping me away from him, then I might as well go to the dark side.

When he told me those words, he couldn’t have understood how much he changed me, because that night, in my desire to be the woman for him, I gave myself over to the darkness. I wanted to be transformed into the woman who would belong to him.

The Elder was quick to grant my request but he told me that it would take time. It would take hundreds of years, he said. So, I placed the spell upon Derek, but I didn’t grant him his request that it would be eternal.

In the eyes of The Shade, I was a brokenhearted woman who eventually got married to one of the humans of The Shade, a man who I killed with a heart attack shortly after the birth of our son and daughter. He was kind, he was handsome, but he wasn’t Derek, and I was bored with him.

I trained my daughter to become the witch of The Shade. When she was ready, I asked Vivienne for permission for me and my son to once again return to the outside world. She didn’t withhold this from me.

“You’ve experienced so much heartbreak here in The Shade, Cora,” she told me. “I wouldn’t dream of keeping you here against your will. We owe you so much already.”

I smiled at her, but I hated that she could ever look at me like an object of pity. I wasn’t to be pitied. Not by her. Not by anyone. Still, I gave Vivienne a prophecy about Derek. “Your brother isn’t going to sleep forever, Vivienne. He will wake up and rule, but he will wake up only when the girl who will help him bring your kind to true sanctuary, is ready to take her place beside him.”

I could never forget the hope that sparked in Vivienne’s eyes when I told her that she would have her brother back. I anticipated that day too, but I had to first make the arrangements in order to prepare for that day. I raised my son in the outside world, reminding him that at least one of the women in every generation must be trained to take up the task of keeping The Shade safe. He was my apprentice in training. He knew what to do and he promised me that he would do it. When he was finally married and had a family of his own, I knew that it was time for my transformation.