A Blaze of Sun (A Shade of Vampire #5)(32)

He was taunting me, making a joke out of me, turning me into his entertainment. I wouldn’t have it. I swore a long time ago that I would never allow a man to treat me that way again. Before I could keep myself from doing it, I attacked Aiden. I had him pinned to a wall, ready to bite into his neck, only to find his wooden stake pointed at my heart.

He smiled. “Do it, Ingrid. Take a bite. Drink my blood. Make no mistake about it. I won’t hesitate to kill you.”

I looked into his green eyes wondering if he was bluffing, wondering if he could really drive that stake into my heart. Either way, he’d already been stabbing my heart with his words from the moment he arrived at my cell.

Despite all my attempts to keep it from happening, tears began to brim my eyes and stream down my cheeks. I was still in love with Aiden, and it hurt that we had reached this point – this point when we were both willing to hurt each other – even kill each other. I still bluffed, poising myself to bite into his neck. I could feel the pointed end of his stake sink into my skin.

I shut my eyes and shook my head. I couldn’t do it. I could bluff as much as I wanted to, but I knew that I couldn’t possibly drink Aiden’s blood. I could tell that he knew it too. I pulled away from him, hating the way my body was trembling as I backed down.

I could feel his stare on me as he heaved one breath after another. “Give me one good reason why I should trust you again, Ingrid. Why should I open my heart to you again? Why should I think that Camilla is still somewhere deep inside your bloodthirsty self?”

One good reason. I tried to hold back the sobs, but I couldn’t. Still, despite the way my body was shaking, I managed to answer his question. “Because you want to, Aiden. You want to trust me. More than that, I need you to trust me.” My life and yours hang in the balance.

He stared at me for what felt like hours, studying me, maybe trying to figure out what I was saying, what my game was. “Okay, Camilla…” He nodded. “I’ll play whatever game this is. You really want me to trust you? Oh wait…” he mocked me “…not want… you need me to trust you. Is that right?”

I didn’t respond. Instead, I just lifted my eyes in order to meet his cold, mocking glare. I would’ve given anything at that moment to once again have him look at me the way he did before I became a vampire.

Aiden began to nod slowly. “Fine. I will trust you on one condition, Camilla.”

“What is it?” I didn’t think he could ask something of me that I couldn’t give. I was desperate enough to add confidently, “I will do anything.”

“Bare yourself completely to me. Tell me about your past. Tell me why you’re so broken. Tell me what you never had the guts to tell me before. Let me in, Camilla. I want to know everything.”

I stared at him in horror. He asked of me the one thing I could never give. He was asking me to live out my greatest fear of being discovered for what I really was. He was asking me to relive the horrors of my childhood and revisit my brokenness. I shook my head. “I can’t do that, Aiden. You’re practically asking for my soul.”

“That’s the price of trust, Cam. Openness. Vulnerability. The ability to risk getting hurt. And don’t think for one second that you can lie to me. I know you well enough to know if you’re just giving me some crap story that you made up. Tell me the truth about who you are. The whole truth. Can you do that?”

“What if I can’t?”

“Then I can’t trust you, can I?”

“Aiden, please…”

“I’ve given my condition, Camilla.”

I shook my head and buried my face in my palms. It felt like defeat. I never felt weaker than I did at that moment.

When I didn’t respond for what felt like an eternity, Aiden nodded and motioned to leave. “Let me know when you’re ready to give in to my condition, Cam.”

Cam… He hasn’t called me that in years… Not since… I held my breath when he turned his back on me. He was about to call for Yuri when I did the most courageous thing I’d done in years. “Wait…”

Slowly, Aiden turned to face me. His brow rose at me in question.

I nodded, letting him know that I was agreeing to his condition. It was perhaps the most painful night I ever had in years and it took hours. It took many tears. I told him everything. He held me. He gave me the comfort that I was deprived of through all those years of abuse at my foster parents’ hands.

I knew that what I was telling him made Claudia’s experience seem like child’s play. My foster parents were violent, merciless people and growing up with them was a living nightmare. They helped me through high school and even got me a scholarship for college, but nothing came for free around them. Everything had a price and I was often the payment they required. Not money, definitely not gratefulness – me, all of me – my body, my dignity, my very soul.

No man had ever stood up for me before. I knew what it was like to feel helpless and abandoned. Even when I got away from their grasp, I was still haunted by what they put me through. Then came Aiden.

Aiden was the man of my life. I never felt like I deserved him. Surely someone as perfect as him didn’t deserve someone as broken as me, but he came into my life and he made me feel like I could be whole again. Still, around him, I was pretending. I knew that I was a broken creature, and my full awareness of that reality couldn’t allow even his love to fix me.