he: A Novel(24)

What can he do? He can stay with Hal Roach, or he can show some spine and leave. Mae tells him that he should go elsewhere, but he no longer feels comfortable trusting Mae’s instincts.

He no longer feels that he can trust Mae at all.

Friends have ceased to call on them. Invitations to join dinner parties as a couple have dwindled to nothing. He works better when Mae is not on set, so he no longer campaigns for her.

And Mae knows. Mae, like Chaplin, is no fool.

You don’t listen to me, she says.

– I listen to you. You don’t give me any choice.

– I only want what’s best for you, what’s best for both of us.

– Maybe they’re not the same thing, not any more.

– What do you mean? Do you want to leave me?

But he does not answer, because she is Mae, and he loved her once.





47


It is early morning. He is asleep.

Mae, naked, stares at herself in the bathroom mirror. She observes the softness of her body now transmuting to fat, the curve of her hips blurring into her waist, the sad sag of an aging mother’s breasts. She sees the stretch marks on her belly, and the pock marks on her thighs. She sees the gray in her hair, and the lines at her eyes. She sees the yellowing of her teeth, and the loosening of her mouth. She sees the wattle of tissue beneath her chin, the rolls of flesh beneath her arms, the red veins in the whites of her eyes.

She is now thirty-seven years old. Sometimes she looks a decade older.

But yes, she was beautiful once.

He says that he still seeks parts for her, but she does not believe him anymore, and when the parts do come they are background roles. One scene, maybe two: no name, no character. She hears the crew laughing behind her back, but the faces are always averted when she turns to look.

She remembers the first time she saw him on stage, how handsome he was, even as he played the clown. She remembers the first time they made love, and the first time they performed a routine together, the two acts coalescing so that each step on the boards is a kiss, each stumble a caress, each fall a thrust, each gale of laughter a sigh, each round of applause a climax. She remembers the chill of railway platforms, the coarseness of sheets, the cheapness of meals. She remembers the feel of him against her, the heat of him inside her, the taste of him in her mouth. She can remember all these moments, yet she cannot remember the last time they made love.

He is thirty-five years old. Sometimes he looks a decade younger.

Hope is slipping away from her.

He is slipping away from her.

And what will she have left when both are gone?

The bathroom door opens. Usually he knocks before entering. He is bleary-eyed. He came in late last night: problems with the edit. This she believes, for she smelled no liquor on him, no unfamiliar perfume.

He looks at her. He does not ask what she is doing. He is simply embarrassed to have discovered her like this, embarrassed for him and for her. He has not seen her naked in so long.

And she wants him to come to her, and she wants him to hold her, and she wants him to say that he is sorry – not for anything he has done, but for all that must come to pass.

Instead, he closes the door on her. When she returns to bed, he is sleeping.

And a spark of hatred for him blossoms into flame.





48


Percy Pembroke, who wishes to be a great director, and will act for a time as his manager, offers to help him out.

The comedian Joe Rock has progressed from stunt doubling, to acting, to producing pictures. Percy Pembroke knows Joe Rock, and intercedes with Joe Rock on his behalf. Joe Rock offers him a twelve-picture deal at fifteen percent. He informs Hal Roach that he is leaving. Hal Roach tells him he is free to go.

He is hurt. He tries to hide it, but he fails.

That’s it? he says. You’re not going to put up a counter-offer?

– No.

– Why not?

– Because you’ll be back. Now go make dime pictures for Joe Rock. You know where to find us when you’re done.

Hal Roach’s words hang over him.

They hang over him as he makes Mandarin Mix-Up, and Detained, and Monsieur Don’t Care.

They hang over him as he makes West of Hot Dog, and Somewhere in Wrong, and Twins.

They hang over him as he makes Pie-Eyed.

By the time he makes The Snow Hawk, he knows that Hal Roach is right. Twelve and a half percent of one Hal Roach picture is worth more than fifteen percent of twenty Joe Rock pictures. He will return to the Hal Roach lot, just as soon as he can finish these damn pictures for Joe Rock.

Joe Rock will not give Mae roles in his pictures, not even as a villager, not even as a tree. This is stipulated in the contract he signs with Joe Rock. He knows that in signing it, he is hurting Mae. He does not inform her until after the deal is concluded.

What’s in it for me? she asks, as she always does.

– I don’t know. We’ll work it out with Joe.

– But I don’t know Joe.

– Joe’s a good guy.

– But I don’t know him.

In his heart, he acknowledges that he did not sign with Joe Rock solely because of the percentages. He signed because of Mae. He signed because Mae will not tolerate being sidelined. Mae will either be forced to change or to leave. But Mae cannot change, and so Mae must leave.

And Joe Rock has introduced him again to Lois Neilson. He remembers her from a picture they made together for Hal Roach back in 1919. Lois Neilson was twenty-four then, and beautiful. She is thirty now, and still beautiful.