You've Got Fail(22)

They wandered away through the crowd, but I kept my eyes on her. She did the same, throwing a look over her shoulder when they stopped at the bar set up along the wall of the atrium. Todd talked to her, but she wasn’t tuned in to his nonsense. I smirked as I recalled he’d emailed me, thinking it was the way to get to Scarlet. Included his phone number and everything. I pulled my cell from my pocket and texted Elias.

Willis: You being ravaged by the she-demon?

Elias: Soon. She’s burning some dinner at the moment. It’s a new part of her mating dance. I only hope it doesn’t end with her biting my head off and devouring my body slowly.

Willis: Gross. Can you do me a favor?

Elias: Sure.

Willis: I’m going to forward you an email. From a Todd. Make sure he’s signed up for every offer from Jizzlywinks and its partners.

Elias: Even the Daddy Bear site?

Willis: Especially that one.



I flipped over to my email program and sent him the information. Todd and Scarlet drank at the bar, Todd creeping too close. I smiled as I saw her hand slipping along his lapel, doing her sticky-fingered magic. After a few minutes, Elias responded.

Elias: Done. He should be getting some uber-masculine, hardcore bearman-on-bearman porn delivered within the next few minutes.

Willis: Thanks, man.

Elias: I love my job. Enjoy your fancy party and make sure you at least get to second base tonight. And send pics. Or maybe do a puppet show re-enacting it all. Yeah, that would be cool. Shit, gotta go. She says dinner’s ready and the smoke alarm is going off.

Willis: Night.

Elias: Yep. Fuck you.



I grabbed a drink from a passing tray and edged closer to Scarlet over the course of a few minutes. Starlets passed in front of me, their dresses daring or confusing—sometimes a mix of both—but none of them could compare to the red-headed goddess at the bar.

The noise bounced off the marble floor, amplifying hundreds of voices, and the air was scented with food, a variety of perfumes, and infrequently, a bit of human funk. Even rich people forgot deodorant sometimes, apparently.

“Sparky?” A hand landed on my back in a friendly pat. “That you?”

I turned to find myself eye to eye with Commander Reptilian. “Hey.”

“I thought that was you.” He smiled, his Hollywood good looks lighting up his face as his southern drawl rolled over me. “How you doing?”

“Good, I guess.”

“Scarlet here?”

I bristled. “Yes.” I already had enough trouble with Todd. I didn’t need more competition from the too-perfect star in front of me. Inner fanboy gasps at my daring to challenge Commander Reptilian.

“Cool. She’s a nice girl.”

Scarlet was a lot of things. A “nice girl” wasn’t one of them.

I eyed him, puffing out my chest with every bit of masculinity I possessed. “She’s something.”

“Hey.” He dropped his voice and leaned closer. “I’m not after your girl, okay? I could tell you two had some sort of crazy chemistry the other day at Linda’s.”

I let out a breath and scratched my chin. “Thank god.” (Look, I was smitten, not delusional. There was no way I could compete with Commander Reptilian.) “No worries, man.”

I yanked at my collar. “I wouldn’t say I was worried or anything.”

“Cool, man. Cool.” He pulled his phone from his pocket. “I like you.”

Fanboy melts. I had no response to that except an awkward surge of excitement.

“Let’s get together for a game sometime. You like football?”

“College or NFL?” I asked.

“I prefer college.”

I tried not to squee. “Me too. Go Irish.”

“Roll Tide.” He elbowed me and grinned. “I’ve got a boss big screen at my apartment. We can watch the Tide tear it up when the season starts.”

I was quite proud of my own TV. Seventy-five inches of masculine excitement and bragging rights. “How many inches you got?” I was more than prepared to one-up whatever measurement he spat out.

“Eighty-five.” He played it off, but I could feel the pride rolling off him.

“Damn.” I let out a low whistle as we swapped phone numbers. He was serious about his screen. Respect.

“I’ll hit you up around kickoff in the fall if I’m in town.” He stowed his phone. “So where is Scarlet?”

I motioned toward the bar with my champagne flute. “Talking to that douche.”

“Whoa.” He nodded. “He looks like a Summer’s Eve.”

My Commander Reptilian fan-level kicked up into the bromance stratosphere. Inner fanboy is pleased. “Yeah, that’s him. Ready to restore some lucky lady’s pH balance.”

He grinned. “You took it a little too far, but I’ll let it slide.” He cut his eyes back to Todd and Scarlet. “Want me to go break it up?”

“No.” I downed my drink. “I’ll handle it.”

“I’ll be your wingman.” He reached out and grabbed the hand of a blonde in a glittering dress and pulled her toward him. “Babe, I’ll be back in a bit.”

She stared up at him with big doe eyes. “Don’t stay gone too long.”