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It was only when I saw a photo someone had taken of me on my first day of college that I realized how much I had changed. If you spoke to anyone from my childhood they will tell you how outgoing, how “bossy,” how full of life I was. And then I was afraid to leave the house without him. To make any decisions at all. It was even more terrible because I was paying for everything. For his share of the rent, starting capital for his various businesses, for his—um—I guess you could call it a cocaine habit. He—he’d struggled—with his addiction, though he’d never call it that, of course—over the years. He said he only used it as a coping mechanism. And he’d get upset if I ever spoke back to him. Said I was going on a power trip because I felt I owned him. It couldn’t be further from the truth of course. But his ego was fragile, and I didn’t want to hurt him. He was all I had.

And what started as requests, and gentle berating, and subtly putting me down, then grew to much, much worse. I—well, I don’t think I need to spell it out. I tried to end things with him many times. I fought back, you know. But it was—well, you never think it could be you, you know? You hear stories about women in abusive relationships all the time. You always wonder why they never left. You never think it could be you. I never thought it would be me either. Even when I was in the thick of it. I didn’t—and I can’t even believe this when I think about it now—but I didn’t even realize that things were so bad for me. He never hit me, you see. Not outright. There was grabbing, I think he might have choked me once, but I justified it to myself. He was just trying to calm me down because I wouldn’t stop crying. He was trying to stop me from walking away. He was forcing me to stay, to talk about our fight. That was healthy, right?

EP: And was Miss Fonseka aware of your turbulent relationship?

AB: No. Not at all. I went to great lengths to hide it. So did Spencer, I guess. She knew we argued, of course, but Spencer never spoke to me the way he did when we were alone around her. Around anyone else really. To Kaavi, I must have just looked like an overly emotional girlfriend. Crying all the time. Breaking up with him one day and taking him back the next.

I—well, Spencer didn’t have it easy, either, you know. His family was never there for him too. It was one of the things we bonded over. I wanted to be a safe space for him. Like he was for me.

I must have done an excellent job covering it all up, though, because when it came down to it, she took his word against mine.

EP: Please explain further.

AB: It was the end of my senior year, the day after graduation, and I wanted to end things with Spencer for good. We were moving to a new apartment, so it felt like the right time to make a clean break. I ended things and asked Kaavi not to tell him our new address. She did.

When Spencer showed up at the new place with flowers, he assumed, just like Kaavi assumed, I suppose, that I hadn’t really meant it. That this was just the threat of a breakup and not a real one. He played me this song on his phone, and chased me around the living room as I tried to back away from him. He was—it was not like the other times. He’d been angry before, sure, but this time I thought he’d kill me.

[Pause]

I’d never been that scared. After a few hours, after I pretended like things were okay, I managed to convince him that I needed something from the store, and the moment he left I just took my passport and my purse and ran. Kaavi was just getting home as I left the apartment, and I—well, I was very, very angry with her for giving Spencer our address. I should have told Kaavi then. I mean, I knew. Of all people I had known what Spencer was like. How charming he was. How he could have coaxed information out of her as easily as taking candy from a baby. But I was so hurt. So angry. I blamed everyone. I blamed Kaavi for giving me up. My parents for abandoning me. I blamed myself for letting things get this far. I told her that I hated her and never to speak to me again.

I waited at the airport for fifteen hours until I could get a flight to Sri Lanka. I was terrified he’d find me while I waited. I hid in the bathroom for almost the entire time.

And then I got home, but I was afraid that he’d follow me all the way here, to Colombo. So afraid that I couldn’t bear to live alone in my house. I told everyone that there had been a breakin at my home, and turned to the only family I ever had, even though Kaavi and I weren’t speaking to each other. I moved in with them—it was just for a while, at first. They didn’t know what had happened. Just that I was going through a bad breakup and needed to recover. Mrs. Fonseka was the first person to realize I was pregnant. They were less than thrilled, as you can imagine.

EP: And was Matthew Spencer ever made aware of this?

AB: No. I never wanted him to know.

EP: Before he attacked you, you said you wanted to leave Mr. Spencer for good. Was there anything else, apart from the abuse, of course, that helped you make this decision?

[Pause]

Miss Bloom?

AB: Remember I told you how he hated me wearing makeup? How he liked to control what I wore? I didn’t really connect the dots until later. He didn’t want me wearing makeup because he hated me looking grown-up. The same with high heels. And the clothes he wanted me to wear were always, well, they were girly. And young looking. I—I didn’t think much of it, at the time anyway. Who cares if your boyfriend insisted you always wore white cotton panties when you finally felt like you were important to someone? Like you finally had a place in this world?