You Can't Catch Me(83)

We drop off the Jeep near where I left Jessie’s the other night, check into our separate flights, and go through security. As I place my pack on the conveyor, I start to feel a bit lighter. Maybe we can put all this behind us, let it all be scanned out of us.

But then I hear the TSA agent say something to JJ behind me, and there’s a tap on my shoulder and a voice saying that I need to come with him, and the feeling slips away.

The TSA holding room is small and windowless, and we’re in here because we’re idiots who, after all our careful planning, forgot that going through TSA at the same time with the same name and birth date might set off some alarm bells.

Compared to the interrogations I’ve been through with Liam, this one is gentle. The TSA agent, a balding black man in his midfifties, runs our IDs through the system and confirms that we’re two separate individuals. He tells us that the agent out front didn’t have any choice but to bring us back once the flag had been raised, and that he’s sorry for the inconvenience. He assures us that we’re unlikely to miss our flights. Then he asks us if we know that there’s an APB out for a third woman with the same name? “Yes,” we say together. I can see Jessie’s face on his screen, and I wonder if this is part of my life now. Getting pulled out of line every single time I travel forever because of Jessie. Being reminded of her everywhere I go. I’m sure it’s something I deserve, given everything, but I don’t relish the thought.

JJ hands the TSA agent Sergeant Johansson’s card. “If you call him, he can vouch for us.”

He takes it and places the call and returns a few minutes later with the all clear.

“Might be best if you don’t travel together for a while,” he says. “And keep that card handy.”

“Understood,” JJ says, though I hope never to speak to the sergeant again. If that means sticking to land transportation in the continental United States, so be it.

We leave the room, go through the metal detectors without any further issue, and retrieve our bags. JJ’s flight is leaving first. It feels weird to be saying goodbye, dangerous and sad. Together, we could face whatever’s coming, but apart . . .

“Keep in touch,” she says.

“Of course.”

“Also, start eating solid food?”

“I’ll try.”

“Don’t make me make you be the first guest on my show.”

“I won’t.”

She swoops in for a hug. Her arms are powerful around me, but mine still ache from the paddle. I have trouble reaching above my head, and getting dressed is a chore.

She releases me. “See someone if you need to. You’ve been sleeping badly. It’s normal.”

“That’s risky, isn’t it?”

“They’d be bound by confidentiality.”

I’m not sure that’s right, but I nod anyway. “We’ll see. I’ll be okay once I’m back in New York.”

“With Liam?”

“Maybe.”

“Get back to writing.”

“Journalism? No, that’s over for me, I think.”

“People love a comeback story.”

“Is that what this is?”

“If you leave out a detail or two, I think so.”

“You might have something there.”

She laughs. “See? Glass half-full.”

“Thanks, JJ.”

“You betcha.”

She slings her backpack over her shoulder and gets in line for her flight. Veterans board first, and she’s taking advantage of it, as she should. My flight’s leaving in thirty minutes. Maybe I’ll be able to get some sleep. I should eat something before it leaves, but the lump is still there in my throat.

It’s always there, reminding me.

I killed someone.

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forget.





Chapter 38

A Warm Embrace

Liam picks me up at the airport. This makes me so happy that I burst into tears when I see him, which also makes me that girl making a scene at the airport. Liam clearly thinks it’s the stress of everything that’s happened, and it is, but I’m having trouble stopping the blubbering, even once we’re in his car and stuck in traffic.

Part of the reason is the wedge I feel between us now. A wedge made of deceit. I was always keeping things from him; there was so much that had happened in my life that I’d never told anyone, but I used to be able to keep those things in a separate compartment. I was a need-to-know kind of person, and I had it under control. But the techniques I once used don’t seem to be working now. I need to find a way to get back to that person, pronto.

Liam takes me back to his apartment, where he’s decided to make me dinner, he says. This is so sweet I almost start crying again, but I hold back. He’s trying to impose a bit of normalcy, I’m guessing, because he hasn’t asked me one question about Jessie since I got here.

I bring this up over the poached salmon paired with a dry Australian wine that we’re eating at his kitchen island.

He puts some salad onto my plate. “I thought I’d probably asked you enough questions.”

“You were worried I’d start crying again.”

“Maybe.”

He smiles and I feel close to the brink. I don’t know if I’m going to be able to take his kindness or convince myself I deserve it. He looks so Liam sitting across from me, in a dark button-down shirt that he’s rolled up to his elbows and a five-o’clock shadow across his chin.