Worth the Risk(87)

“I’m fine.”

He laughs softly. “My Grayson can be a tough one to figure out,” he says without prompting. “Strong but sensitive. Stubborn but fair. He’s our peacekeeper around here.”

“I can see that.”

“He likes you, you know? He wouldn’t be pushing you away so hard if he didn’t.”

“Oh.” It’s silly that my heart swells hearing this.

Chief settles onto the arm of the couch. “Shh, don’t tell Betsy I’m sitting here.” He winks, and I shake my head. What is it with these Malone men and their charm? “She has a strict rule for the boys about butts anywhere but the cushions, but I earned it.”

“I won’t tell her. I promise.”

He looks at his thumbs, fiddling together as if he’s trying to figure out whether he should say something or not. “I know you two are pretending there’s nothing between you.” He holds up his hand when I start to talk, and out of respect, I bite my tongue. “Let me say my piece, and then, just like my sitting on this armrest here, you can pretend it never happened.”

“Okay.” I smile because I can’t help it with him.

“I get why you have to keep things on the down low for the sake of propriety when it comes to the contest. I’m no stranger to how Grayson has conducted his affairs in the past because he wants to protect Luke. Or that’s what he says, when it’s clearly the only way he knows how to protect himself.

“Gray has always been the most loyal of my boys. He’s always trusted fiercely. And when Claire shattered that, I swore it broke something inside him. He didn’t let anyone get close to him. But since you’ve been around, I’ve seen a lot of that fight come back. That means he cares, Sidney. That means he’s scared to death. And, so help me God, that means he’s going to push you away to prove you aren’t going to stay . . . so if you aren’t going to stay, let him push you. Do him the courtesy so that he doesn’t get more attached and then become equally as crushed when you walk out of Sunnyville and never look back. If you’re going to stay, I hope like hell you’ll fight for him, because he’s worth every misspoken word and uttered curse and ounce of confusion.”

I stare at him with tears in my eyes and so much conflict in my heart that I don’t know what to say or do. How does he see that one of my feet is already out of the door when Grayson hasn’t?

Understanding my silence, he gives me a soft smile and stands. “C’mon. Enough fatherly lectures. Let’s go have a beer and some food. Poor Gray is gonna miss out.”





Me: I’m just around the corner if you want to get your stuff ready to go.



I send the text to my mom when I’m stopped at the light and then turn into my neighborhood. I look at the response when I come to a stop sign, idling for longer than I should while staring at the words.



Mom: I’m not at your house with Luke. Sidney is.



Sidney is?

My initial reaction is no. Just flat out no. This is my mom’s way of meddling. This is my mom’s way of pushing an issue I’m not ready to broach yet.

Sure, Sidney and I made up yesterday. Sure, we agreed to try to figure out what this is between us. But this? Her being with Luke where he can become more attached than he already is? Christ, this is not what I meant by taking it day by day.

It definitely isn’t something my mom should get to decide without asking me. God, I love the woman, but she’s driving me crazy.

All I’ve thought about since I left my parents’ house is Sidney. All I did during downtime was lay in those cots and stare at the ceiling while all of my crew snored around me and wonder how in the fucking world she got to me? How did she stalk those heels up to my porch, tell me I was in a contest I didn’t want to be a part of, and how did that lead to me not going ten minutes without thinking about her?

I never expected to say that shit to her. Sure, I’ve thought about it—especially when staring at the ceiling most nights after we talked, but I never thought I’d say it aloud. I thought the feeling would die. I’d expected to be too scared to voice it.

Once shit is out in the universe, you can’t take it back.

I scrub a hand over my face. I’m so fucking screwed.

And confused.

Because I said it. And I meant it.

That leaves the one thing I have left to figure out, and, of course, my mom is trying to fucking force my hand.

I may have told Sid that I wanted to try to make this work, but I have no fucking clue how to invite her into our lives further without possibly messing with Luke’s head.

Do what you’ve been doing, Gray. Little bits at a time.

It’s the logical answer, but it’s way easier said than done when it comes to a little boy desperate for a mother figure.

By the time I pull into the driveway, I’m fucking fried. The mixture of exhaustion from work, the confusion from everything with Sidney in the last couple of days, and the knowledge that I’m going to have to convince Luke that Sidney and I aren’t getting married is enough to have me on edge by the time I unlock the front door.

The family room light is on, but the house is silent. Sidney’s purse is sitting on the counter, but there is no sign of her anywhere. Back door’s locked. Bathroom is empty. Television isn’t even on. I set my stuff down and climb the stairs. When I make it to Luke’s room, I swear to fucking God that every single part of my heart shatters, and I’m not sure whether it’s a good or a bad thing.