Worlds Collide (The Land of Stories #6)(70)
“You morons give up so easily,” the Wicked Witch remarked.
“DO YOU HEAR THAT SHRILL SOUND, MERRY MEN?” Robin Hood asked. “THE WITCH’S VOICE IS EVEN UGLIER THAN HER FACE, AND I DIDN’T THINK THAT WAS POSSIBLE.”
“Silence!” the Wicked Witch commanded.
“I MEAN, LOOK AT HER,” Robin continued. “THE WITCH IS SO UGLY, WHEN SHE WAS BORN, THE DOCTOR PROBABLY SLAPPED HER TWICE BECAUSE HE DIDN’T KNOW WHICH END WAS WHICH.”
“All right, that’s enough—”
“THE WITCH IS SO UGLY, SHE WENT TO A FUNERAL AND THE CORPSE GOT UP AND RAN AWAY!”
“If you don’t shut up, I’ll—”
“THE WITCH IS SO UGLY, SHE WAS VOTED THE NATIONAL ANIMAL OF SCOTLAND!”
The Wicked Witch tapped her umbrella on the ground, and a dirty sock appeared in Robin Hood’s mouth.
“I’m going to enjoy watching you die!” the witch declared. “Winkies, kill this pompous man and his imbecile followers! And do it slowly….”
The Winkies lunged toward Robin Hood and his Merry Men, but before they could strike the Prince of Thieves, they were distracted by a large object overhead. The Charlie Chaplin rose over Lincoln Center like an inflatable sun. Beau Rogers stood in the doorway of the blimp’s gondola wearing the Lost Talisman of Pharaoh Eczema around his neck.
“You aren’t the only one who’s into mind control, milady,” Beau Rogers announced. “Allow me to introduce you to my batch of brainwashed warriors!”
All the mummies from the Pyramid of Anesthesia crept out from behind the structures of Lincoln Center and surrounded the Wicked Witch and her Winkies.
“My soldiers have already met their maker—now it’s your turn!” Beau said.
“Nice quip, kid!” Emgee called from the blimp’s steering wheel.
“Thanks, Aunt Emgee,” he said. “Mummies, attack!”
The undead soldiers approached the Winkies at a leisurely pace—which was as fast as the mummies could move. Unfortunately for Beau and the Merry Men, their surprise assault didn’t go as well as they’d hoped. The Winkies were exceptional fighters and tore through the mummies like they were made of cotton. Within a few minutes, the Winkies had defeated the mummies and trapped Robin Hood and the Merry Men again.
The Wicked Witch let out a deafening cackle. “Any last words?” she asked.
“WELL, MERRY MEN, IT LOOKS LIKE THIS IS THE END,” Robin Hood declared. “I NEVER THOUGHT WE’D PERISH AT THE HANDS OF SOLDIERS WITH SUCH RIDICULOUS NAMES AND MORE FLAMBOYANT CLOTHING THAN OUR OWN. NONETHELESS, IT’S BEEN AN HONOR TO TRAVEL THE UNIVERSE AT YOUR SIDE!”
“Um… Robin?” Alan-a-Dale whispered. “You’re forgetting the next part of our plan.”
“OH YEAH,” Robin Hood said. “THANK YOU, MY FAITHFUL MINSTREL. WE WOULD HAVE MET OUR DEMISE HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR YOUR STEEL TRAP OF A MEMORY. MOVING ON—LOST BOYS, YOUR TIME HAS COME!”
Suddenly, the Lost Boys from Neverland appeared on the rooftops of the Lincoln Center theaters and pelted the Wicked Witch with water balloons.
“Take that, you mean old hag!” Tootles said.
“Adults like you are the reason we don’t want to grow up!” Curly said.
“Go back to the nightmare you came out of!” Nibs said.
“Leave our friends alone!” the Lost twins said.
Although Slightly had been a baby since the Lost Boys visited Morina’s cottage, he still did his part and squirted the witch with his bottle. Soon the Wicked Witch was drenched, and she began to smoke and sizzle as the liquid melted her body. Just as it had happened with Captain Hook, instead of bodily fluids, the witch dissolved into words. All the prose L. Frank Baum used to describe the Wicked Witch in his books now dripped from the witch’s body.
“You horrid little brats!” the Wicked Witch screamed in pain. “You’ll pay for this one day! You may have stopped me in the Otherworld, but I’ll get my revenge in the Underworld!”
The witch staggered across the Lincoln Center courtyard, leaving puddles of words as she went. She tripped and fell headfirst into the fountain and disintegrated completely. Friar Tuck knelt beside the fountain and said a prayer for the salvation of her soul.
Now that the Wicked Witch of the West was dead, her vicious spell over the Winkies was lifted. They dropped their weapons and pranced around the courtyard in celebration. Alan-a-Dale strummed a happy tune so that they had something to dance to.
“WHAT’S GOING ON?” Robin Hood asked. “WHY ARE THE WINKIES SKIPPING AROUND LIKE THEY’RE INTOXICATED?”
“Robin, they’ve been freed!” Beau Rogers called down to him. “The witch has been controlling them for years!”
“YOU MEAN, THE WITCH FORCED YOU TO WEAR THOSE OBNOXIOUS OUTFITS AND ANSWER TO THAT DEGRADING NAME?”
“No, we had those before the witch’s spell,” a Winkie said.
Robin was greatly disturbed to hear it. “MIGHT THERE BE ANOTHER WITCH INVOLVED?” he asked.
Suddenly, Blubo swooped down from the sky and landed on the edge of the fountain. He dived in and searched through the Wicked Witch’s watery remains. The others were curious about what the monkey was doing and gathered around the fountain to watch him.
“I found it!” he announced.