Without Merit(82)

“Whose turn is it?” Utah asks.

Honor shrugs. “Mine, I guess. I haven’t been down in a couple of days.”

“Neither have I,” Utah says.

“Me, neither.”

All three of us head toward the basement. We file down the stairs and our mother is standing on the other side of the room, below the basement window. It looks like she’s been asleep. She’s wearing pajamas and her hair is a mess. “Do you hear that?” she says, stepping toward us, wide-eyed. “I’ve been hearing it off and on all day.”

Utah walks to the window, but he glances at Honor and me. We all try to hide what we’re feeling, but things are different now. After knowing what our father has known all these years, I don’t know that we will ever look at our mother the same way. I’m not sure that’s a bad thing. It’s good, actually. I feel more sympathetic toward her right now than I ever have. And there’s zero resentment there, now that I’m fully aware of her situation.

There’s suspicion, though. I’m already questioning whether or not she’s actually hearing things now that I know what a big role her mental health has on her daily life. We’ve always known she has issues, but now that our father has finally enlightened us to just how deeply rooted those issues are, we’re probably all going to be more suspicious of her erratic behavior. Utah stands beneath the basement window for a moment. We all remain quiet, but we don’t hear anything.

“What is it you’re hearing exactly?” Utah asks her.

She waves toward the window. “It sounds like something is wrong with that dog. It’s been crying all day and night and I can’t sleep.”

Honor looks at me with a sad expression. Our mother doesn’t even realize that Wolfgang has died and has been buried. More than once, actually.

“Mom,” I say. “The dog isn’t here anymore.” I try to say it in the sincerest way possible, but in my head I’m thinking, You poor thing.

“No, I’m telling you, there’s something near that window.” She’s so adamant about it, she begins to pace.

Utah nods and walks toward the stairs. “I’ll go check it out,” he says, running up the steps.

Our mother walks over to her bed and sits on the edge of it. Honor sits down next to her and runs her hand soothingly down our mother’s hair.

“Are you hungry?” Honor asks her.

As soon as she says it, I remember that none of us took her dinner tonight. We got the call that our father was arrested and we immediately left to go deal with that. I didn’t even think to grab her anything at Taco Bell.

“No, Victoria brought me a plate of food. And you girls forget that I have my own refrigerator down here. I won’t starve if I don’t get a meal.”

Honor and I both look at each other in surprise. “Victoria brought you food?”

My mother casually stands again like she didn’t just throw out there that Victoria was in this basement. I didn’t think Victoria had been in this basement since the day my mother moved down here.

But if I’ve learned anything this week, it’s that I don’t know people as well as I think I do.

There’s a knock at the basement window. “Merit,” Utah says, his voice muffled from behind the glass. “Come out here.”

I run up the stairs and go outside, around to the basement window where Utah is kneeling on the ground. “You aren’t going to believe this,” he says. He lifts something up and motions for me to come closer.

“What is that?”

“A puppy,” he says. “Two of them.”

I immediately fall to my knees next to him. “You’re kidding. Where in the world did they come from?” I grab one of the puppies from Utah. It’s black and tiny and can’t be more than a day or two old. I glance around. “Where do you think their mom is?”

Utah pulls the other puppy to his chest. “I suspect she’s buried near Pastor Brian.”

Wait.

Wait.

“Wolfgang was a girl?”

“Looks like it,” Utah says, laughing.

“But . . .” I look down at the puppy in my hands. “They’re probably starving. How are we supposed to keep them alive now?”

Utah hands me the other puppy and stands up. “I’ll see if I can get in touch with an emergency vet. You take them down to Mom so she can see what’s been keeping her awake.”

I gather both the puppies in my arms and carry them inside the house and down to the basement.

“What the heck?” Honor says, immediately grabbing one from me. “Where did these come from?”

Surprisingly, my mother grabs the other puppy. “Oh, my goodness,” she says. “So you’re the culprit, huh?” She nuzzles the puppy with her nose. “Oh, you’re so cute.”

“Turns out Wolfgang was actually a girl. Utah is calling the vet to see what we can do for them.”

“I want to keep one,” my mother says. “Do you think I can keep one?”

I reach over and pet the puppy in her arms. “I don’t know, Mom. It’ll be kind of hard to raise a dog in a basement.”

“Yeah,” Honor says, giving me a knowing look before looking at Mom. “But I bet Utah would let you keep one if you moved back to the old house with him. It should be ready in a few weeks.”