Winter Loon(68)

Plenty needed to be said to Jolene, but in that moment, it was someone else I wanted to talk to, someone I hadn’t talked to in a long time.

“One more place I need to be. You got another half hour in you?”



LESTER WAITED FOR ME AT the iron gates, and I made my way down the bleak path alone. Skeletal trees, their branches stripped by the wind and cold, stood like sentries, arms raised to halt trespassers. I’d visited my mother’s grave only once that summer, when grass on the mound was new and tender. Gip had told me to get in the car, that we were going to the cemetery. I’d stood there with him above the spot I imagined her feet must be. I pictured myself down there with her, so much so I could taste dirt in my mouth. Gip stared at her name on the headstone but didn’t say a word.

The ground was already winter hard. Worms that tilled the soil in summer, that turned flesh to bone, had left behind frozen clumps of mud I could feel through the soles of my shoes.

“I couldn’t go with you,” I said to the name on the headstone. “I’m sorry you didn’t make it.” I laid myself down on top of the grave, my head beneath the stone that bore her name, not mine, the date she had died and I had lived. “I know what you were trying to do. I forgive you. You hear me, Mom? I forgive you.” My grief and guilt soaked into the ground. I folded my arms over my chest like a dead man and watched the first star appear.



LESTER PULLED UP TO THE house but didn’t cut the engine. He got out of the car when I did and put his hand on the roof. “Something’s on your front door.”

I could just make out the official-looking seal on the cockeyed piece of yellow paper.

“My guess is that’s an eviction notice.”

“You okay?” he asked.

I shrugged. “This ought to be a lot of fun.” I grabbed my bag from the back. “Sorry again about the car.”

He cocked his head and swatted the top. He was done talking about it. He climbed in and revved the engine. I tapped on the window, and he rolled it down.

“What now?”

“Thanks, man,” I said.

“No problem, brother.”





CHAPTER 20

BOTH MY GRANDPARENTS were there when I walked in. The television was on, Ruby was at the kitchen table, Gip was in his recliner. The place smelled like cigarettes and dirty socks. I was straddling past and present, trying to get my balance.

Gip pushed down the footrest with his stocking feet. “Nice of you to show up.”

Ruby looked over her shoulder, stood quickly. For a second I thought she was going to run over and hug me. She checked herself.

I handed Gip the eviction notice I’d torn off the house. “You don’t have to leave this out there. He gave you thirty days. He posted this to humiliate us.”

“I wanted to leave it so the neighbors would know what kind we’re dealing with here. You should have left it. Where you been? We worried,” Ruby said.

“You heard her. Let’s have it. Some sort of prima donna coming and going when you like.”

I walked past Ruby to the refrigerator, opened a beer, and took a drink before I spoke. “Went up to Bright Lake with Lester, that’s where.”

“Why would you want to go up there?”

“Wanted to have a look around, is all.”

“Why now?” Gip asked. “What’s so special that you had to go up there all of a sudden?”

I answered Gip but kept my eyes on Ruby. “Me and Ruby had a little conversation about my mom. Helped me see her in a new light.”

Ruby’s face clenched and her eyes widened. She twitched her head, begging me in an instant to say no more.

I turned to Gip. “Got me thinking. I had some things to sort out.”

“Well, la-di-da,” Gip said. “Don’t suppose you’ve done any deep thinking to make this house mess right.”

“That’s your problem. Not mine. Wherever you two go is fine by me. Maybe I won’t even go with you, seeing’s how I’ve been nothing but a thorn in your side.”

“You’re serious about that?” Ruby asked.

I nodded. I had no idea what I was saying or where I would go, but it felt good to put the threat out there.

“Why’s that surprise you?” Gip asked. “Valerie took off, now him. Get all they can from you, leave when it suits them. Ungrateful. That’s what it is. But what do I care? Make it easier to find someplace without you in tow.”

Ruby turned her back to me, a purposeful shunning. Her voice croaked out on a plume of smoke. “Glad you had some time to think. No one ought to be kept in the dark.”

I slept soundly in my mother’s bed that night. And I slept on my back, belly exposed, unafraid.



THE BRONCO PULLED INTO THE school parking lot the next morning. Jolene smiled at me from the passenger seat. Students were scampering from cars and buses, eager to get into the school and out of the falling snow. Troy waved at me and I waved back. I let the snow pile up on me while I waited for her. So much needed to be said between us, but I hoped it could wait. We met each other halfway.

“You look nice,” I said, and she did. Her white stocking cap was pulled down low to her eyebrows and pressed her black hair against her cheeks. She favored woolen mittens over gloves, and the ones she wore were thick and red, most likely knit for her by Mona’s hand.