When I Was Yours(16)

He looked so lonely.

The kind of loneliness where he could be surrounded in a roomful of people, and he’d still feel alone.

The kind of loneliness that comes from within, deeply embedded inside of him.

And I wanted to capture that and pull the loneliness out, bringing him to life on paper.

I can’t believe I gave him the drawing I’d done of him. It was so ballsy of me, and I’m not usually ballsy.

Actually, the whole thing was pretty ballsy of me, especially when I asked him if he’d changed his mind about asking me out.

God, I’m cringing from just thinking about it.

For all my bravado with Adam, I actually don’t really date.

It’s not because I don’t want to. I just don’t really have the time, and I haven’t met a guy who I really want to go out with.

I tend not to get dazzled by cute guys anymore. They’re in such abundance here, and I see them daily while working at the Shack.

That was up until yesterday when I was dazzled by the super tall and super hot guy who lives on the beach and watches me draw.

I literally couldn’t stop looking at him.

With a body like a god, he’s stupidly handsome. And when I say stupidly handsome, I mean, he’s the kind of handsome that would make a smart girl go stupid and also make that smart girl do stupid things.

I could imagine doing a lot of stupid things with Adam.

A guy like him could make a girl like me lose my damn mind.

He’s so intriguing, and his eyes are amazing. They are the most intense blue-green color that I have ever seen. They’re practically turquoise. His eyes are like an infinite pool of water, a place you could easily get lost in and never once get bored.

And a girl like me could easily get lost in a guy like him.

Aside from all his physical attributes, there is just something about him.

I’ve been finding myself thinking about him more and more since we spoke yesterday.

Throughout the last week, every day, when I went down to the beach, I wondered if he’d be there, watching. As the week went on, I started to feel a little sad when my hour was up, and I had to leave to catch my bus.

Now, Adam has asked me out, and I really want to go out with him even though I won’t actually have time to date him, especially when school starts back up. In my last year of high school, I’ll still be working evenings and weekends at the Shack on top of the schoolwork I’ll have to do, so that won’t leave any time to date.

But Adam has got me wanting things I shouldn’t, like doing hot naked things with him.

Oh my God! I can’t believe I just thought that!

I cover my face with my hands, a blush creeping over my body at the thought.

It’s all just so crazy! Adam watching me from his balcony, while I pretended not to know, and was secretly drawing his picture.

Then, his friend Max told me that Adam was going to ask me out. Honestly, when he said that, I nearly burst out laughing. I thought I’d skipped back to kindergarten. I didn’t really take Max that seriously—until Adam showed up on the beach and started talking to me.

He didn’t seem shy, like I had expected. In fact, he wasn’t shy at all. He was the total opposite. If anything, he was overly confident but not in that annoying cocky way that some guys could be.

And I just felt strangely comfortable around him, talking to him. It was like I’d known him for a long time already, which was crazy. I felt like I could say anything to him, and it wouldn’t matter.

And I did.

“I’ll let you know.”

I almost laugh out loud at myself.

Listen to me, being evasive. I was dying to say yes.

Honestly, I would have gone out with him then and there if I hadn’t had to get home to look after Casey while Dad went out.

Dad goes out one night a week to play darts with his friend Terry. Aside from that, he doesn’t go out, so I didn’t want to let him down.

But I’m thinking, when I go to the beach later today after I finish work, I might just accept Adam’s invitation to go out. It might not turn into anything anyway, but it’s a date with a hot guy, and I haven’t had one of those in…well, never.

Dragging my tired butt out of bed, I head to the bathroom.

The house is quiet. Casey and Dad must still be sleeping.

Showered, teeth brushed, hair tied into a ponytail, and dressed in my work uniform, I’m ready to go half an hour later.

I head out into our tiny kitchen, which overlooks our tiny living room.

Dad’s in there with Casey.

She’s watching cartoons while eating breakfast. Typical seven-year-old. You wouldn’t know, aside from her short hair, that she only finished having radiotherapy six months ago. She only lost hair in a patch on the part of her brain they were treating. But she said she looked stupid with long hair and a bald patch, so she had me take her to the hair salon to cut it all off.

Casey had an ependymoma, grade II, brain tumor. And she’s the bravest kid I have the privilege to know and love.

The tumor was discovered ten months ago, only two years after we’d lost Mom.

Out shopping for my birthday presents, my parents had gotten into a car accident while I was in school and Casey was in preschool. A truck driver had a heart attack behind the wheel, lost control, and careened through the midsection, straight into my parents’ car.