When I Was Yours(13)

I part my dry lips, lifting my eyes to his face. But I can’t look him directly in the eyes. Looking at Adam is like staring into the sun.

“I…” I shake my head.

“Don’t say you don’t know because we both know you do.”

I feel like curling in on myself and dying.

I don’t want to have to lie to him. I’ve never been a good liar. And I’m afraid he’ll see through my lies now.

But I have to do this. I have no choice. I can’t tell him the truth. If I tell him that, he’ll hate me forever.

He already does hate you.

Taking a fortifying breath, I force my eyes to his. Shielding the truth behind them, I shut down. “It wasn’t working for me. You and me. I wasn’t happy, so I left.”

“Bullshit!” He slams his glass down on the table so hard that I’m surprised it doesn’t break. “Don’t f*cking lie to me, Evie. You owe me the truth. The least you owe me is that.”

The truth is a hard thing. He might think he wants the truth, but honestly, if he has it, I think he’d realize he never wanted it.

The truth can hurt, and this one would hurt him like a motherf*cker.

Adam is well aware, more than most, at how low some people will go to get what they want, but this truth would show him an all new depth to that low. And it will also show him what others will do in the face of desperation.

“I’m not lying.” I’m going straight to hell.

I can’t even explain the level of anger I see crossing his face. It’s a rage I didn’t know existed in him.

I know Adam would never hurt me, but the way he’s looking at me right now makes me want to step back. Far back.

“You were happy.” His hard words come out through clenched teeth. “I saw it for myself. You married me, for f*ck’s sake! So, don’t stand there and tell me that you weren’t happy. Just tell me the f*cking truth!”

He’s not going to accept anything that I tell him, so maybe I have to be a bitch to give him the peace he needs on this.

“Was it Ava? Did she do something to make you leave?”

“No.”

“So what?” he yells, his hand pulling on his hair. “Was there—” He pauses, like a realization has just come to him. “Was there someone else?”

His words slap me across the face. But a second later, I realize they’ve given me the out I need. He’ll hate me for this, but if he thinks I left him for someone else, then he’ll have his reason, and I can go home and cry myself to sleep.

“Yes.”

He moves so quickly that I don’t get a chance to move away. In seconds, he’s in front of me, his hands pressing on the wall on either side of my head.

My heart starts to pound with stress and fear—and yes, desire. Having Adam this close to me after ten years is a lot to take. After spending as long as I have missing him, it’s hard to control my body’s natural reaction to him.

“You’re lying,” he hisses.

I swallow. I need him to get away from me, yet I also need him to never leave.

“What do you want from me?” My voice shakes betraying me.

His eyes narrow to slits. “The truth.”

“I gave it to you.”

“Yeah, but which is it, Evie? You weren’t happy, or you were cheating on me?”

Crap.

My chin wobbles. “Bo-both.”

Disgust covers his face. It makes me feel like shit.

He pushes off the wall, stepping away from me. I sag with relief, but part of my body screams for him to come back.

He leans against the sofa, eyes on the floor. “Who was he?” There’s no emotion in his quiet voice.

“No one you knew.”

He lifts his eyes to me. They’re laced with pain, and it nearly kills me. I have to press my lips together to hold it all in—the truth, and my tears.

“Are you still with him?”

I shake my head.

“Why did you leave Malibu?”

I take a breath. “I left with him because I knew you wouldn’t take it well.” Another lie.

He lets out a sardonic laugh. “What did you think I was going to do when you told me?”

I lift my shoulders. “I just…I didn’t want to hurt you.” It’s scaring me how easily these lies are falling from my mouth.

His eyes are fixed on mine. “Well, you failed. Because you did hurt me. You hurt me a f*ck of a lot.”

I know, and I’m so sorry.

I look away, unable to hold his stare any longer.

“Why did your dad and Casey leave with you?”

My eyes flash back to his. “What?”

“It’s a simple question, Evie. Why did they leave with you? I get that you left with your lover boy, but why did they go? That makes no sense. Why would they have uprooted their lives to leave with you? Especially considering how things were with Casey, how sick she was.”

“They-they—I needed to get away, and they came with me. They’re my family.”

He rubs his fingers over his forehead.

Then, dropping his hand, he takes two big steps toward me. Leaning in, he says into my ear, “You’re a f*cking liar.”

I don’t know what comes over me. Maybe it’s his proximity or the fact that I can’t get him to believe my lies—yes, I’m well aware of how laughable that sounds—but I push my hands against his chest, shoving him away.