We Own the Sky(64)

clear that she won’t allow Jack to be treated in Prague. I’m still trying to change her mind.

Time is running short. I can see it in Jack’s eyes. It’s like we’re treading water, knowing that we’re going to drown. I will keep you updated.

Rob

They did their best to make the chemo ward a happy place, especially before Christmas. There were multiple trees around the ward, professionally decorated, surrounded by stacks of donated presents. The nurses wore red noses and Christmas hats, and the cleaning and kitchen staff dressed as Santa’s little elves.

I watched as the nurse tweaked a valve on Jack’s cannula. He winced a little, but sat still. He was an expert at sitting still, now.

“Is Steven here, Daddy?”

“I don’t think so, not today, beautiful.”

“Oh,” Jack said, “He’s probably with his mommy and daddy.”

“Yeah,” I said, stroking Jack’s hand. “Maybe he’ll be here next time.”

Steven had leukemia and often had his treatments at the same time. They

quickly became friends, passing things from bed to bed, their toys and sticker books. They made silly noises and faces to each other when the nurses weren’t around.

One afternoon, we got talking to Steven’s parents and, when the boys were napping, went for a coffee in the hospital canteen. Knowing, I think, how ill Jack was, Steven’s father was diplomatic and only told us bits and pieces about his son’s diagnosis and treatment.

I knew, though. I knew. Steven was expected to make a full recovery. His

treatment wasn’t about extending life, about hustling for a few extra months. His leukemia was curable.

Quite why Steven’s tumors were lying dormant, sinking back into the blood and plasma from where they came, while Jack’s spread, mushrooming through his brain, I didn’t know. Was it in my and Anna’s genes? A defect, a crack that went unnoticed in our own bodies, but in Jack’s was a fatal flaw. A product of the two of us: a mutation born of our union. A flaw forged by us.

I was glad Steven wasn’t here today because every time I saw him, I wished it were him. I wished they could swap places, so that it was Jack’s cancer that was seen by the doctors as just a blip. And for that, I would accept the bargain.

Gladly, in a beat of my heart, I would accept, no, welcome, beg, that Steven—

kind, thoughtful Steven—be given the brain tumor instead.

The pump started once again and its rhythm reminded me of  Ivor the Engine.

Jack was quiet, watching cartoons on my laptop and sipping juice. I sat back in my chair and read the email on my phone. There was a new message from Nev.

Subject: Re: Jack

Sent: Sun Dec 14, 2014 8:17 am

From: Nev

To: Rob

Dear Rob,

I’ll be blunt with you because I know you’re running out of time. If I had listened  to  the  doctors,  my  Josh  wouldn’t  be  here  now.  I  think  you’re making a good decision about Prague. Yes, there are no guarantees, but at least you have a chance.

I don’t want to push anyone and I respect that every parent makes their

own  choices.  But  sometimes,  I  have  to  speak  up.  How  many  of  these lives  could  be  saved?  Every  day  it’s  like  watching  planes  crashing.

Planes full of children that don’t have to die. I will not be a part of that.

Are  you  sure  you  can’t  persuade  Anna  about  the  clinic?  If  you  want  I could talk to her. If that’s an imposition, I apologize. I just want to help.

Nev

PS  I’m  sending  a  video  of  me  and  Josh  that  we  did  for  Jack.  I  hope  he likes it.

I clicked on the video and, there, sitting at the kitchen table were Nev and Josh, dressed up as Batman and Robin.

“Hello, Jack,” they both said, waving into the camera. And then Nev, in that thick northern voice: “We know you’ve been feeling a little poorly, Jack, so we wanted to say, from us both, Batman and Robin, get well soon.”

“Get well soon,” Josh shouted, and his Robin mask slipped down and I saw

his face, confident, alive, his school tie loosely slung around his neck.

“See you later, Jack,” they both said in unison, Josh waving with one hand, pulling up his Robin mask with the other. Then Nev reached forward into the camera and the screen went blank.

“Hey, Jack,” I said, “look at this.” I held out my phone and started playing the video.

“Who is it?”

“It’s Josh, you remember I told you about Josh. He did the picture of the castle for you.”

“The boy who had the injuries like me?”

“Yes.”

“And now he’s better?”

“Yes,” I said, putting my arm around him, careful not to nudge his cannula.

“Can we watch it again?”

Jack watched the video a few more times and then touched my arm and

looked at me. “Daddy, am I sleeping in my bed tonight?”

“Yes.”

“At my house?”