We Own the Sky(59)

“Look, there’s this one, as well,” Anna said, holding up another and pointing to a boy sitting in the cockpit of a plane. “He’d like this.”

“Yes, maybe,” I said.

Anna sighed softly and put the brochure on the countertop. “Well, there’s lots of different things here. We don’t have to decide now. Lola just thought it might be nice.”

“I’ll take a look later,” I said, putting the brochure back on the kitchen table.

“I was just telling Anna,” Lola said, “about a friend of John’s at work. Well, their daughter has just been diagnosed with something similar to Jack, and I thought you might want to connect with them. I remember when my mother had breast cancer and, well, you try to say the right things, to be helpful, but I don’t think you can ever really understand unless you’re going through the same thing.”

Lola waited for me to say something or nod my assent, but I was silent.

“It just seems to be everywhere now, doesn’t it,” she said, almost to herself, always unable to cope with silence. “I suppose that’s the curse of modern life, the price we pay.”

The boiling kettle reached a crescendo, and I heard the click of the button.

“What do you mean, the price we pay?” I asked quietly.

“Oh, nothing, poppet, just me rambling.”

“I just want to know what you mean,” I said, my tone quiet but firm, and

Anna put her head down, letting the steam from her coffee curl over her lip. “Do you think this is our fault then?”

“Oh, God, Rob, no, not at all. No, I didn’t mean that in the slightest.

Goodness, you haven’t done anything, don’t you ever think like that. No, what I’m trying to say—and as usual being a complete ninny about it—is it’s us, our society, our modern way of life. It’s the foods, the stress, the Wi-Fi, the pace of it all. No, goodness, poppet, it’s not you, it’s us, all of us, and it all adds up.

Sometimes, I just think we need to slow down, take stock...”

I already knew everything Lola wanted to say. Because I had heard it before.

It was always there, in person or in the emails they sent, like a malicious undertow at a picturesque beach. “And do you know why he got it?” they asked, their words stealthy, inadmissible.

“It’s just one of those things,” we said, or some other platitude, and they nodded sympathetically, but you could see in their eyes what they were thinking.

Because they knew. Oh, they knew. It was the Wi-Fi, the sugary drinks, those baby shampoos that were full of chemicals. They asked, not out of concern for Jack, but because they wanted to protect their own children. To make sure it could never happen to them. You could see them making a mental note to reduce Timothy’s iPad time and finally write that letter to the school about the healthfulness of the lunch options.

“Fuck off, Lola,” I said, staring at her right in the eye.

“Rob!” Anna said.

“What, you’re just gonna let her spout all this shit, things I know for a fact you don’t agree with? Or do you think it’s our fault, as well?”

“I don’t, Rob, of course I don’t. That’s not what Lola’s saying. And please stop shouting.”

“Please don’t shout? I should be shouting a lot more, instead of talking about all...all this shit,” I said, pointing at the brochures.

“Can you just stop? Can you please stop?” Anna said, raising her voice, an argument that in another time, another world, we never would have had in front of someone else.

“Can I stop? Stop what, Anna? Stop looking for ways to get my son better

while we sit around choosing fucking day trips?”

“It’s not about that, Rob,” Anna said, starting to cry, “please don’t do this, please don’t.” Lola put her arm around her and Anna buried her face into her shoulder.

I couldn’t listen to her anymore. We were just wasting time, time we didn’t have. I went back to my desk and wrote an email to Nev.

Subject: Re: Jack

Sent: Wed Dec 10, 2014 9:12 pm

From: Rob

To: Nev

Dear Nev,

Sorry  to  disturb  you  again  but  I  wanted  to  ask  about  Dr.  Sladkovsky’s clinic.





I have already emailed them but do you know how quickly Jack could

start  treatment?  Is  there  a  long  waiting  list?  I  want  to  book  flights  right now and get out to Prague because we’re just wasting time here.

I was so glad to hear that Josh’s scan went well and I loved seeing the

pictures  of  him  that  you  sent.  Not  just  because  I’m  happy  for  you,  but because  I  wish  so  desperately  that  one  day  that  could  be  Jack.  I  wish that could be Jack four years down the road, happy, loving life.

So please, keep sending them. More than anything right now, they give

me hope.

Take care, Nev.

Rob

PS Please thank Josh for the Minecraft castle. I showed it to Jack and he absolutely loved it.