Verum (The Nocte Trilogy, #2)(59)
My eyes adjust and I can see him.
I focus on his face, on the haphazard curls that frame his face like a halo, the pale blue eyes and the freckle on his hand.
“Calla, you’re awake,” he says in wonder, so much surprise in his voice. “I thought… God, it doesn’t matter what I thought.”
He thought I was going to die.
Because I was going to.
And he is dead,
And I’ve got to stop imagining him. I blink hard, holding my eyes closed.
I try to speak, but my voice won’t come, my throat far too dry. There’s a tube down my throat, I realize groggily. I pull at it with my hand, but someone stops me.
I open my eyes to find a blonde nurse.
My eyes widen when I see her nametag.
Ashley.
The Ashley from my dreams, only now she’s not a girl in an evening gown anymore, she’s a nurse in puppy dog scrubs. She smiles when she sees my eyes open, and she mills about my bed.
“Don’t fret,” she tells me. “I’ve called the doctor and she’ll be right in. For now, close your eyes and I’ll get this tube out. I’m going to count to three, then I want you to exhale.”
I do, and on three, she pulls the tube out of my throat.
It feels like a snake in the grass, slithering away, and I’ve never been so happy to see something go.
My hands flutter to my throat, cupping it, and Finn holds a straw to my lips.
“Drink this,” he tells me, so I do. I feel like I haven’t had a drink in a hundred years, and so I drink, and drink, and drink, even though it hurts to swallow.
When I’m finished, I clear my throat.
My words are dry, but I’m able to speak them.
“I’m so sorry, Finn.”
There’s pain on his face, real pain, and he closes his eyes for a minute.
“It was an accident,” he finally says. “It wasn’t your fault.”
But it was.
I know it, and so does he.
“What happened to me?”
All I remember is standing on the cliffs, Then falling.
Finn looks away, his blue eyes pained.
“You weren’t in your right mind. You chased something over the cliffs.”
I’m astounded, frozen. “I jumped off the cliffs?”
The boy in the hood.
I remember now, and my eyes grow wide.
“You’ve had a mental break, Calla. You were supposed to be recovering at Whitley, recovering from losing us. But a lot happened, and your mind just couldn’t bend any more.”
My chest feels shaky as I breathe, and I look around my hospital room. Two chairs, a table, a clock. A dry erase board that reads Your nurse today will be Ashley. A stack of books, a pillow, a blanket.
Dare isn’t here.
I miss him.
I need him.
He pulled me from the insanity. I know that much is true.
My mind played trick after trick after trick, but Dare stuck by me until the end.
I take another drink, and glance at the clock.
5:35.
Finn talks to me, about dad, about mom, about the funerals, about life.
“And the priest.” Finn pauses. “A priest took you under his wing. He was here to visit you several times.”
I blink.
“Was his name Father Thomas?”
Finn nods slowly. “How did you… never mind. He came to visit you a lot. The last time he… he gave you the Last Rites, Calla.” His voice breaks off and he looks away.
Through this holy anointing may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit. May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up.
I remember.
They all thought I was going to die.
Did Dare?
6:02.
Ashley comes back to say that the doctor had been delayed, but she’d be here soon.
Finn chats aimlessly, and I listen, but not really.
6:25.
The door opens, and my heart leaps, thinking it’s Dare.
It’s not.
It’s Sabine.
Only it’s not.
“I’m Dr. Andros,” she tells me in a throaty voice, a familiar voice, a voice I’ve heard for months. I thought it was in my dreams, but it was real. “And you gave us quite a scare.”
She pokes at me with small hands, and I marvel at how much she is like Sabine, at how interesting our brains are when they are traumatized.
“You’re going to make a full recovery,” she tells me finally, and she looks a bit astonished.
“Thank you,” I tell her. And the teas she gave me in my dreams must’ve been medication in real life, sedatives. She nods and she’s gone.
I’m left alone with Finn, and it’s 6:42.
I don’t want to make him feel less than, But I’m dying to see Dare.
Every molecule and fiber of my being needs to see him.
6:43.
So I have to ask.
“Finn, when will Dare be coming?”
Finn is at the window, and when he turns, his eyes are clouded in something dark, something hesitant. He stares at me, wondering what he should say, intent on handling me carefully.
We have to handle her carefully.
I remember the words from before, when I couldn’t see who spoke them.
A weight,
a heavy,