Verum (The Nocte Trilogy, #2)(53)
His arms can’t keep the dreams away.
There’s blood, like always, but it isn’t mine.
It isn’t Finn’s.
It’s Dare’s.
Olivia stands in front of me again, her eyes accusatory.
Surprised, I stare at her.
“Why are you here?”
She stares back.
“Why are you? You don’t belong with him.”
“I do,” I argue. “I do.”
“You don’t deserve him,” she whispers, her face turning white. “You’re his downfall.”
“Why am I his downfall?” I almost scream it. “I’m harmless. I haven’t hurt a soul.”
“But you did,” she argues simply, waving her arm. The cliffs by my house appear, and my mom’s smashed car is in the ravine. There’s blood, there’s screams and they’re dead.
“I called my mom,” I remember. “She crashed into my brother.”
Olivia stares at me. “The past is a prison, and you’ll never break free.”
“Wake up, Cal. Wake up.”
It’s Dare now, and he’s murmuring into my ears and his grip is too hard on my arms. I squirm away.
“Why did you say that?” he demands, his eyes so stormy. The sheets are around his waist and his chest is bare.
“Say what?” I say dumbly, fighting to emerge from the cloud of sleep.
“The past is a prison,” he answers harshly. “My mother used to say that.”
I shake my head slowly from side to side. “I don’t know why I said it.”
I can’t tell him that I’m dreaming of his mother.
He’ll think I’m crazy,
because I am.
He pulls away from me and his absence is cold.
“What’s going on, Calla?” he asks, his back to me as he sits on the side of the bed. “What do you know?”
I’m a terrible liar, so I decide not to try.
The consequences can be damned.
“I know that everyone wants an answer from me. I know I’m here for a reason.”
Dare looks at me over his shoulder, and his expression is so vulnerable.
“I’m tired of feeling crazy,” I tell him. “Is that the answer? Is that what everyone is waiting for? For me to admit that I’m crazy?”
He shakes his head and sighs.
“Are you lying to me?” I demand and he pushes my hair back with his fingers.
“No.”
“A secret is the same thing as a lie,” I tell him.
He looks away, because he knows.
Chapter 27
Day by day, I’m more and more convinced that I’m slipping away from sanity.
Day by day, Sabine convinces me that I’m not.
“Close your eyes,” Sabine directs me, so I do. She takes my hand and hers is dry, it’s small and twisted and I absorb her warmth.
“Picture the place where you saw Olivia,” she tells me, so I do.
I hear the ocean, I see the pictures of Dare, I see her filmy nightgown, her soft heart-shaped face. I hear the accusation in her voice.
“Bring him to me,” she directs me.
“Where are you?” I ask.
“I’m nearby,” she answers mysteriously.
“Can you tell me?”
She shakes her head and her face is so very sad.
“No. You must figure it out.”
I feel helpless and scared, and that feeling builds and builds.
“I can’t figure it out,” I tell her desperately. “That’s the problem. You’re dead. I don’t know where you are.”
“You can,” she assures me. “You must. Energy cannot be destroyed. I’m everywhere.”
I squeeze my eyes closed and when I do, the images shimmer and change.
I’m getting into a car.
Finn is with me, and my father, too.
“If I’m going, I’m driving,” I tell them.
And I drive down the mountain.
And my mother, My mother,
My mother.
The night is dark, the ground is cold.
The words whisper and morph and I’m confused.
I look at Olivia.
“That isn’t what happened.”
She nods and she’s sad and her eyes become headlights.
I startle, and my eyes open.
Sabine is waiting for me, waiting for answers.
All I have are questions,
And confusion,
And lies.
It didn’t happen that way.
Sabine is still waiting, her eyes dark.
“Did you see Olivia?”
I nod. Because I did see her.
“What was around her? The sea? Was there anything else?”
I shake my head.
“No. She was just standing in front of me.”
Sabine clucks, and she’s patient. “You must open your mind, Calla. Let it come.”
I tried. But when I do, nonsense comes.
Lies.
But I nod, because what else can I do?
They need me to figure this out.
Olivia is lost.
And so am I.
This can’t be real.
Dreams aren’t real.