Until You Loved Me (Silver Springs #3)(72)

“It’s nothing I’m willing to share, nothing I’d ever want anyone to know.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s dark and ugly, and I wish I didn’t know, either.”

“Does this have to do with football?”

“No.”

“Your childhood, then?”

“Yes.” His past was such common knowledge, he didn’t seem surprised by her guess.

“Sometimes it helps to talk.”

He set his plate aside. “I don’t want to talk. I want to take you to bed, Ellie.”

He was too beleaguered—and he’d had too much to drink—to be anything other than transparent. She got that, but she didn’t find his candid responses as off-putting as she wished she did. His honest appeal tempted her to ease his pain, help him feel better, be there for him. “We’ve talked about this—”

“Can’t we make an exception?” he broke in. “Just for tonight? Because I never voted for no sex. My plan was the opposite, remember?”

“I remember, but you have to agree that abstaining would be for the best.”

“When’s the last time you were with someone?”

She rubbed her palms on her sweats. “In September,” she said, suddenly feeling every one of the days between then and now.

“See? It’s been that long for me, too. Don’t you want a man? Don’t you miss being held, caressed, kissed?”

She did miss that, especially by him. But she’d just landed in California. She needed to acclimate, adjust, get to know Hudson better before making such a big decision. “I’m trying to be smart...”

“Forget smart. Be greedy.”

She would’ve laughed—except he was serious. “Greedy?”

“I must have something I could give you in return—for taking the risk.”

“I’m not asking for anything...”

“That’s just it! Most other people want something from me. Why don’t you?”

“They’re excited about meeting someone who’s famous, I guess. Or they’re trying to use you. I’m not.”

“At least with them I have some leverage.”

“Come on, you hate that.”

He wasn’t really listening, didn’t respond to her comment. He was still talking as if she’d never interrupted him. “I can promise other people autographed sports paraphernalia, tickets to a big game, even money. But I don’t seem to have anything you care about. You won’t accept my gifts.”

“I’ve been wearing the necklace you gave me ever since I opened it.”

“You won’t let me buy anything else, won’t take more money than you absolutely need. You don’t give a shit about knowing someone who’s famous—or plays pro ball. You don’t even want to stay in this house.”

She wasn’t nearly as ambivalent as he seemed to think. “Only because I’m not accustomed to such wealth. I can’t let myself get used to living like this. I don’t want to feel dissatisfied when I return to my small home and ten-year-old car.”

“You’re having my baby,” he said. “No matter what happens, you’ll never completely go back to your former life.”

She supposed that was true. She’d always be connected to him—and he’d always be who he was. Even when he stopped playing, he’d probably become a Hall of Famer.

“We’ve made love before,” he said, still trying to entice her.

Drawing a shaky breath, she walked over to collect his plate. “I remember.” All too well...

“I thought it was good,” he said, looking up at her. “I thought you liked it, too.”

“I did.” She picked up the plate, but he caught her wrist.

“Then don’t reject me.”

The warmth from his hand flowed up her arm. “I’m not rejecting you. That’s a harsh word.”

“You’re saying no. It’s the same thing.” He took the plate and set it aside, then pulled one of her fingers into his mouth.

“Hudson—”

“I’ll give you a massage every day for a week,” he promised.

“We can’t do this.”

“Yes, we can. Let me feel you, let me bury myself inside you.”

“You must be a little drunk.”

“So? Sex isn’t anything new for us. I wanted you before. I made that clear.”

He took her finger back into his mouth, and the way he sucked on it made her nipples tighten and tingle. She told herself to move away, but she didn’t. She couldn’t even look away. “This is a bad idea,” she said, but she could hear the breathless quality of her own voice, knew he’d heard it, too.

“No, it’s not.” He spoke so low, his words were barely audible. “I’ll always be good to you. I promise. I would never mistreat you—or the baby. I’m excited about the baby.”

She ran her thumb over his bottom lip. He never allowed himself to be this transparent when he was sober...

“You’re thinking about it...”

“I shouldn’t be.”

He kissed the inside of her arm. “That means you’re tempted.”