Until You Loved Me (Silver Springs #3)(58)

“I admit I go back and forth on it,” he volunteered.

She hadn’t expected him to be quite so candid. “Because...”

“Because I’d never want to get your hopes up that our relationship could lead to a long-term commitment. I’m not built for that. And yet...”

She still held her cup and tightened her grip on it even more as she waited.

“I feel it’d be a missed opportunity, since we’ll be living together, anyway. And you said yourself that you might not find someone else to date, not right away, what with the pregnancy and all.”

She cleared her throat. “You don’t have to worry about me. I’ll get through the pregnancy. And if I feel desperate, I’m sure there’s someone out there who’d be willing to accommodate me.” She laughed to lighten things up, but once again he didn’t join her.

“That’s just it. I wouldn’t want you to feel as though you had to go elsewhere. Not when I’d be in the same house. We’ve already been together. We know we’re...compatible.” He paused for a moment. “What I’m saying is that I’d be happy to fulfill your needs in that regard and be happy to have you fulfill mine if you can accept a casual relationship.”

Part of Ellie wanted to say yes—and suggest they start tonight—but she’d be foolish to put what she wanted now above what she’d need later, when she’d have a child to think about. “That’s okay. I appreciate the offer, but we’re dealing with such a...tenuous situation, we should avoid anything that makes either of us feel possessive—and sex has a way of making people feel possessive.”

To her surprise, he looked disappointed. “If we go into it with the right understanding—”

“No,” she broke in. “As generous as it is of you to make the offer... I think I’ll pass.”

His eyes narrowed. “Generous? Are you being facetious?”

“No! I’m being honest. I’ve never had a casual relationship. I’m the type of person who settles down, not the type who sleeps around. I’m glad you were willing to...to be so transparent about your...limitations, but you don’t need to make any sacrifices for me.”

He hesitated as if he wasn’t sure how to interpret her response. “I didn’t mean to make it sound like it’d be a sacrifice.”

“I’m not offended. Truly. But considering the situation, we’d be foolish to let things drift in that direction.”

It took him another moment to respond. Then he said, “Got it. I’ll leave you alone.”

That she could even be tempted to accept such an offer irritated her. But he was a particularly attractive man. And, as he’d pointed out, they’d already been together, which made it much easier to go there again.

Forcing another smile, she got up. “I’m going to get some rest. I’ll bring out the extra bedding if you’d like to stay here, but...I can’t imagine you’ll be very comfortable.”

“No, that’s okay. I’ll go over to the Four Seasons.” He picked up the bottle of wine, which he’d set on the coffee table with his glass, and stared down at it. “Mind if I take this with me?”

“Not at all,” she said. “You can take my car, too. I won’t need it in the morning. I’ll be here packing.”

“I’ll call a taxi. When will you be ready to leave Miami?”

“You can go without me if you have to get back. I’ll join you as soon as I can.”

“I don’t mind waiting. Just give me a date and time so I can arrange the airfare.”

“I’ll figure it out tonight and let you know.”

“That’ll work.”

After his cab arrived, she walked him to the door and they said a polite goodbye. Then she made herself some soup and managed a few spoonfuls. That cured her hunger but did little to alleviate the anxiety she felt about the future.

Sleep, she told herself. Sleep would help. But she didn’t go to bed; she veered off down the hall. She’d barely grown accustomed to the idea that she’d be taking care of a baby here in Miami—and now that was no longer the case. Could she really give up her job, her house, the future she’d imagined in order to live on the periphery of Hudson’s life?

No. Intent on calling him to back out while she could, she pulled her phone from the pocket of her robe. But then she stepped into the nursery, saw that he’d put the crib together—and hit End before the call could go through.

She couldn’t renege. He wanted to be a good dad. For their child’s sake as much as his own, she felt he deserved the chance.

Throwing back her shoulders, she texted him instead of calling.

I’ll be able to leave the day after tomorrow.

*

“It’s the middle of the night, Hudson. What’s going on?”

Bruiser’s voice sounded as if he’d been asleep. Hudson hadn’t expected that. He squinted to see his watch and realized it was too dim in the living room of his suite, since the only light he’d left on streamed out of the bedroom. He put his phone on speaker so he could check the time. “Isn’t it three hours later there? Aren’t you going to the gym?”

“I go to the gym at seven. It’s now one. Where are you?”