Until I Saw You(23)

“Welcome to the family.”

I think she might be jumping the gun, but the way I feel about Allen means I’m in for the long haul and after the conversations we’ve had tonight, I’m sure he feels the same. It sounds crazy, but from the moment I first saw Allen I knew he was the one for me. There was just something about him that called to me in a way nothing and no one else ever has. I don’t care that it happened fast and I don’t even care about his past.

His past is horrible. I couldn’t imagine going through what he did as a child, and I have no idea how you can deal with something like that. Allen turned to drugs, and while I wish he hadn’t, while I wish I could go back in time and be there for him and try and help him, I can’t. When Ana first told me, I was so scared. I didn’t want someone in my life who was that destructive, who could take their life and throw it away for a high. But his past isn’t the Allen I met. His past isn’t the man he is today. I may not have known him long, but I know in my heart that his past and the man I fell in love with are completely different. Allen is not his past… He’s who he is because he overcame his past and talking to him, having him open up his soul and tell me everything that happened to him and about his drug use… That just made me love him more.

“I think that’s what I should be saying, Mouse,” he whispers.

His thumb brushes against my lip as our foreheads rest against each other and he stares into my eyes. My fingers flex against his sides, and my leg is draped over one of his, nothing but the sheet over our bodies. I thought making love with him before was good, but tonight was so much better—maybe because after our talk I feel closer to him, as if nothing is in our way now. There are no walls to hide behind and no future date where I won’t see Allen again.

This is it… we’re… real…

“Totally mine. I’ve missed you so much.”

“I can’t believe you’re still here, especially after I laid everything on you. I shouldn’t have, I guess. I just… I needed you to know about my past, Jessie. I needed you to know so you could leave if you wanted to.”

I swallow down the emotion I feel, because I hear the pain in his voice. I kiss his lips briefly. It’s not a kiss of passion, it’s one of emotion because I don’t want to cause him pain. I’m not going to tell him about Ana coming to see me. He doesn’t need to know I knew about his drug use before tonight. I don’t want him to feel like his sister betrayed him by sharing. Trust is a big thing for Allen and he gave that to me tonight.

“I’m not leaving, Allen.”

“We’ll make this work, Jessie. I swear. I’ll commute to St. Augustine for a bit and once things are settled here and Roman has someone he trusts to take my place, I can always mov—”

I put my fingers against his lips, stopping him from talking.

“You have family here. Family who care about you and a job you enjoy. If once we’ve dated for a bit, and you’re sure you want me with you, I can move here.”

“You’d be willing to move here?”

“I don’t have anything in St. Augustine to hold me there, Allen. I have my shop, but it’s not exactly catching on well there. Miami is a busy area. I can see if I can find a place here for my store.”

“Jessie—”

“I mean, I’m not pressuring you. I know we’re barely seeing each other. This thing between us happened fast, but eventually, I mean… you know, not right away,” I rattle on, feeling my face heat with embarrassment.

“How long do you think you need?” Allen asks.

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I mean how long do you think you need before you know if I’m the one for you?”

“I don’t need time, Allen. I knew that from the first moment, but I mean men are different and—”

“I knew it too, Jessie,” he says, interrupting me.

“You don’t have to say that, Allen. I know I’m—”

“One look in your eyes and it felt like the world exploded around me. You are it for me, Jessie. I love you, and no amount of time will change that. I’ve loved you from the first moment I saw you.”

“That sounds crazy,” I whisper, tears gathering in my eyes. Happiness spreads through my body in a way that makes me know it will always be a part of me now. “Completely crazy, but I feel the exact same way.”

“Then I guess that just leaves one question.”

“What’s that?”

“How soon will you marry me?”

“Marry you?” I ask, shock spreading through me.

“Oh yeah, Mouse. I can’t wait to have you legally mine. Plus…”

“Plus what?” I ask, laughing as he buries his head in my neck and kisses me.

“Plus that means we get to have a honeymoon.”

“We could start the honeymoon now…”

“Oh we will, but I want you in a bikini on the beach in Cabo, making love to you in the warm air, and the smell of the crystal blue ocean on the breeze.”

“What if I wanted to honeymoon in Alaska?”

“Then I’ll make love to you in six feet of snow and risk freezing my balls off. It doesn’t matter, Jessie, as long as I get to make love to you and as long as you’re my wife.”